Advice for Moms

Youngat40
Teen relationship advice!!!!
October 8, 2012 at 1:37 PM

My teen son is gay and dating a nice guy.  They dated a year ago, broke up due to trust issues, spent time apart but worked things out.  They got back together over 6 months ago.  Shortly after getting back together my husband and I were approached by both and asked if my son's partner could stay with us.  His grandmother, whom he lived with, was moving into a retirement home and he had no place else to go.  We agreed with the understanding that he was to get a job and pay us rent until he got on his feet.  (He moved her from another State).  My dilemma is this....my son goes through his partner's phone messages, computer and questions his phone calls (most are work related).  They fought almost every night.  Now my son found his partner was talking with someone just a week ago and wants him out.  He has nowhere to go as he just got a salaried job and is trying to save.  What do I do?  I feel that my son needs to talk this out with his partner but he refuses.  I know there is no excuse for cheating but I also feel my son pushed him to this point with his lack of trust.  

Replies

  • amonkeymom
    October 8, 2012 at 3:44 PM

    Hmm... that's a hard one.

    Honestly, a relationship without trust won't get very far.  I agree that they need to talk, but unless things change on both sides, the relationship won't last.

  • atlmom2
    by atlmom2
    October 8, 2012 at 3:52 PM
    This


    Quoting amonkeymom:

    Hmm... that's a hard one.

    Honestly, a relationship without trust won't get very far.  I agree that they need to talk, but unless things change on both sides, the relationship won't last.


  • frndlyfn
    October 8, 2012 at 4:02 PM

    Is there any place in the household that is more isolated so the fellow can be more of a renter from you rather than potential son in law?  That means your son would not be able to enter that space without the other fellows express consent.   It sounds like both need to mature a bit before they get in a monogamous relationship.

  • marchantmom06
    October 8, 2012 at 4:05 PM
    Are they sharing a room? How old are they? Did the boy sign anything? Has he paid you?
  • Youngat40
    October 8, 2012 at 5:07 PM

    Thank you everyone.  I thought the same but needed to be sure I wasn't heading the wrong way.

  • Youngat40
    October 8, 2012 at 5:11 PM

    to marchantmom06  


    They share a room, they are 19 and no the partner did not sign anything and has paid for last months rent.  He is a very nice guy.  I just think that they are both a bit immature is all.

  • xoxRachelxox
    October 8, 2012 at 5:44 PM

    That is a hard one.

    He shouldn't have been talking to someone else but you also can't just kick him out with nowhere to go (I mean, you CAN but I wouldn't). Especially since he has nobody else and just got a job.

    Maybe he could stay there until he can find a place to go? Could the bf stay on the couch or something until he can move out?

  • bpryce
    by bpryce
    October 8, 2012 at 5:53 PM
    I wouldnt kick the boy out. Im sure he wants to get away from your son, now that they arent dating, so i wouldnt be worried about them living under your roof together for very long.

    Id sit them both down and explain that their issues are not your problem. This is your house and since your sons partner has been following your rules than you will not be changing the situation. Offer the boy another place to sleep, or area to live (if you have a den or basement, id let him have that space until he decides to leave). If things become to much for you because of their fighting then give him a time frame of when you'd like him to move out (id recommend 30 days, long enough that he can get money together to find an apartment)
  • CoeyG
    by CoeyG
    October 8, 2012 at 8:09 PM

    Your son needs to work things out with his partner, he really had no right to go through his partner's things unless his partner said it would be okay.  As far as you and his partner are concerned you are simply landlords, what your son and he are going through is between them, you should not get involved.  But unless your son and his partner are married your son has no business in his partner's personal things. 

  • amber710
    October 8, 2012 at 9:41 PM


    If he is 19 then he is an adult staying in your home then I wouldn't feel so bad insisting on him leaving. I wouldn't let someone stay for free in my home who is not really wanted there. I would either give him his own room/space and start charging a small fee (that way he is there because he is a tenant renting your guest room or your basement or whatever, not because of your son) or I would give him a certain number of days to find another place to stay.

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