Featured Posts
geemababs3772
Please help Gmother with intense temper tantrums from 3 year old.
October 7, 2012 at 7:18 AM
I am a visiting grandmother who is frustrated when trying to interact with my 3 yr old grandson. "G" is active and smart, cute and has intense tantrums when things don't go his way. The frequency of his tantrums are 2-3 per day. He can be cheerful and warm and loving one minute and then suddenly his mood changes. He says "no" over and over, and then clenches his fists, becomes rigid, screams and will do this for a long period of time (sometimes 30 min....home or public), Frustration level is very low. He has been having these tantrum for at least 1 and 1/2 years. My daughter has 2 other older boys and their tantrums were not even near the intensity of the behavior and stubborness of this child. Usually I back off and tell him to see me when he is ready. With his mom, she cannot talk him into calmness or cooperation or do anything until he screams it out and ends it himeself. At times when she holds strong his mood will eventually change and he seems to act "sweet and cute" to get in her good graces. During this he demands to have his way and I think we tip toe around him trying not to trip the wire that fuses him. He is catered to by the entire family and of course this just doesn't seem right, but they have not found an approach that is effective with him. I know you don't give into the demands, but even that does not seem to help. I need to know what I can do to strengthen my relationship with him as a grandmother. My visits are only 3 or 4 times a year and I would love to hold him, read to him or participate with him and there have been few successes. Suppose there are just too many circumstance to relate. I am concerned and would very much like to enrich my relationship with little G but its difficult. Daughter has 1 son with ADHD.

Replies

  • emmy526
    by emmy526
    October 7, 2012 at 7:21 AM

    Sounds as if the boy is suffering from something too...there isn't much you can do if the family caters to this behavior..just let him know you love him and will always be there for him, even tho he won't  let you hold  him or tell stories...maybe theres an activity he likes to do  that you can do with him instead...how about you just taking him alone, out for a treat?  Also sounds like a lack of discipline in the house, and a refusal to admit there could be a behavior problem with the child.  

  • geemababs3772
    October 7, 2012 at 8:43 AM
    I suspect that you are correct - I do think consistency in response to his tantrums is all over the board. Siblings try to cater, Father does his thing with distraction "play", by swooping the child away and taking him to another part of the home to Play or appease. The mother gets tired and frustrated and feels as tho she is failing as a mother. Your advice is right on. I do have good moments with him occasionally.
  • atlmom2
    by atlmom2
    October 7, 2012 at 9:11 AM
    Consitancy is key here. Has to know they are not in charge.
  • PINKmyfavcolor
    October 7, 2012 at 12:08 PM

     Exactly. Choose a punishment and dole it out every time. Failure to do it even once can cause the whole cycle to start over with.

    Quoting atlmom2:

    Consitancy is key here. Has to know they are not in charge.

     

  • thanush
    by thanush
    October 7, 2012 at 1:32 PM
    My daughter is almost 3 years old and she does this at least once a week. She too started tantrums around 1.5 yrs, even before that perhaps. I ignored her and walk away when she was very young. That made her stop pretty quickly. Then I started to send her to her room and that helps to reset her too. if she refused to go, I would leave and close the door behind me. that's very effective too. Specially when we are outside ( mall etc), I warn her that I would leave and walk a few steps.. That usually get her stop the tantrum and come to me.
    I always hug my daughter after she calms down. I think that let her know that I love her and I'm not mad anymore. She is as good and sweet as new afterwards. Hope this helps... Sometimes youngest one is spoiled than the older ones...

    My daughter loves to read books and I read her a few every day. That's our special time. I also let her help me with chores ( loading unloading washer / dryer etc) and make games out of it. She even love helping me cook, like washing rice. Of cause I have to wash it again, but we have fun doing it.
  • robyann
    by robyann
    October 7, 2012 at 2:03 PM

     

    Quoting PINKmyfavcolor:

     Exactly. Choose a punishment and dole it out every time. Failure to do it even once can cause the whole cycle to start over with.

    Quoting atlmom2:

    Consitancy is key here. Has to know they are not in charge.

     

     This is exactly right! Even if it seems the punishment you've chosen isn't working, still stick with it, it will eventually. But if you think what your doing isn't working and then try something else, that's being inconsistant. Pick something and stick with it. I know as the gm you can't be the one to correct this behavior. You just want to relate to him while your visiting. I'd say when he throws his fits, just walk away, don't say anything to him, let the parents deal with it. When he's in  a good mood and you get a chance to talk to him calmly, just tell him that when he throws those awful fits, it makes you very sad. He may try to control himself a bit more around you at least,  to keep you from being sad.

  • CoeyG
    by CoeyG
    October 7, 2012 at 2:52 PM


    Quoting emmy526:

    Sounds as if the boy is suffering from something too...there isn't much you can do if the family caters to this behavior..just let him know you love him and will always be there for him, even tho he won't  let you hold  him or tell stories...maybe theres an activity he likes to do  that you can do with him instead...how about you just taking him alone, out for a treat?  Also sounds like a lack of discipline in the house, and a refusal to admit there could be a behavior problem with the child.  

    This

  • Mommy2justone
    October 7, 2012 at 7:37 PM

    The best thing I can tell you is that between the ages of 2 and 4 years old, they start to feel emotions that they do not know how to control. We had one week of temper tantrums with my daughter, maybe two, it was 3 years ago so I am not sure. 

    We had this brown rug that we used as a time out rug. Whenever she would start to throw a tantrum we would set her there. If she stopped screaming we would set the timer for 2 minutes. If she got up we simply put her back. The first time that took about 30 times of putting her back till she got too tired and stayed on the rug. Then she calmed down after a few minutes and then got up when the timer was off. 

    3 is a great age for time out. 

  • hippiechik3
    October 7, 2012 at 9:57 PM

    Put his nose on the wall, hands behind his back until he clams down. Needless to say, my children and the children I watch, dont throw fits and are well behaved. DD4 DS3 5yo an 2yo

  • georgeisfun
    October 7, 2012 at 11:20 PM

    This actually sounds a lot like what my friend was going through with her son. It turned out he was actually having problems digesting things like dyes and stuff found in processed foods and the chemicals were making him act out like this. They switched him to an all-natural diet and the tantrums ended in about a week. Might be worth a try. It certainly couldn't hurt.

Active Posts in All Groups
More Active Posts
Featured Posts in All Groups
More Featured Posts