I've been reflecting a lot lately, just on my life and how things aren't horrible by any means, but they aren't going the way I want them to either. I'm afraid the karma from my younger, stupider days is catching up with me and I don't know how to get past it. Can someone just tell me my time will come and to just be patient?!
Here's my story...we live with my mil, we are doing ok both DH and I are working, but not in the careers we want, we are in the right fields but more like entry level with low pay. We are both still in school as well. We are almost 30. DH and I each have a child from before but none together. All I want is to be able to buy a house and have another child (or two). Because of our student loans and our lower income, we cannot get a mortgage. Because we don't live on our own, we will not purposely bring another child into our lives.
I was married once before, and I met DH while I was still technically married and we started dating while I was still technically married. I had left my ex, but we didn't get divorced for almost a year after because he didn't want to agree to it. I made some selfish decisions and I'm pretty sure DH did too. We are good people, we do everything we can, but it's just not enough yet. Meanwhile, DHs DDs mother joined the military, giving up custody of their DD to DH. I raise DD as if she were mine, have been in her life for longer than she remembers. Her mother married a guy she met in the military, they have a nice house on base and she's pregnant (even though she gave up not only DD, but also her YDD to that ones dad). My ex is remarried, owns a house, and has three children with his wife, I have full custody of my DS, he sees his dad two overnights a month.
We made some poor choices, but overall we are good people. We don't want a lot, but we want what we want, you know? I don't think buying a house and having a baby is so much to ask in this world, but it's all I want. We have a home, we have money and can buy our kids food and things they need and everything, I am so grateful for what we do have. I just get disappointed when I think about buying a house or having a baby and I'm afraid I will never be able to do either :(