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yarocuhcap
PLEASE HELP. Son's middle school parents are loaded, but me..not so much
October 5, 2012 at 11:02 PM

Hi Everyone,

I really your help with this  one.  My son got into a very expensive private middle school with a very generous grant from the school.  I'm grateful but I am unemployed and all the moms there are either lawyers and doctors, or enterprenuers or wives of such people.  I want to fit in, but feel awkward every time I meet them and am always thinking about the fact that they all seem like a sorority that are best friends.  That's one issue.  The other issue is that it occured to me that these people could be potential leads to jobs available at their firms, business etc.

Question is.  Would it be appropriate for me to approach them about job leads being that I am a new mom at the school and I don't yet know them well enough. and b) if it were appropriate, how to go about it.  I definitely don't want to do something that will alianate me further from fitting in.

Any thoughts would be GREATLY APPRECIATE IT!!

Amy (mom of Daniel 11, Ollie 3, Molly 3)

Replies

  • Mommy2justone
    October 8, 2012 at 8:27 AM

    I wouldn't look at them as job opportunities at this time. I would look at them as friends and get to know them. They know you aren't rich, and you know they are. Get past that. 
    You can't make friends when you are comparing yourself to them, or thinking about how they can help YOU. Just be nice and make friends! 

  • mjande4
    by mjande4
    October 8, 2012 at 9:45 AM

    You received great advice.  Also understand that if you are feeling like an outsider, your son will too.  Even though the other kids may be polite during school hours as the year progresses, the differences will become glaringly obvious to him too.  It doesn't change the fact that you are doing this for a better education, but be aware that he may develop some feelings on the subject too.

  • Bmat
    by Bmat
    October 8, 2012 at 9:55 AM

    Hi, Amy!

    Don't approach them. Don't even think about it.  About jobs, I mean.  As far as becoming friends,  smile, look them in the eye,  don't try to one-up them,  suggest you all go out for coffee, volunteer any way you can in the school.

  • Bmat
    by Bmat
    October 8, 2012 at 9:56 AM

    This is what I meant to say, but said much better.  They are people, relax and be friendly.

    Quoting Mommy2justone:

    I wouldn't look at them as job opportunities at this time. I would look at them as friends and get to know them. They know you aren't rich, and you know they are. Get past that. 
    You can't make friends when you are comparing yourself to them, or thinking about how they can help YOU. Just be nice and make friends! 


  • mamaBerg85
    October 8, 2012 at 10:03 AM
    I agree. If they ask what u do for a living tellthem u stay at home right now but uve been looking because u like to work and just not a home body. Please do not bring it up though and if u see an opening online ata place where they work don't be scared to say i have an interview at ur ferm tomorrow. Odds are if they hear that and already see how classy u are they will put in a word or 2 for u. Also mention u know them during an interview. I was looking for work at a school where a girl i had night class with worked. I told her about the up coming interview and she didn't have time to put a good word in for me but i brought her up during my interview when they informed me that all the staff is close and most have been there for a long time. I saidyeah i have night class with so and so and that's what she told me. I nailed the job i think partly cuz I mentioned her and i talked.


    Quoting t4w:

    Goodwill is actually an amazing place to shop for classy, unique and CHEAP clothes!


    I agree with the others, to be 'put together' every time you are in their presence. It might help your confidence in 'fitting in', too!


    Bring other topics to conversation first...Good luck! congrats for your son!


  • srbeusk
    by srbeusk
    October 8, 2012 at 12:58 PM


    Quoting atlmom2:






    Quoting cjsmom1:

    I wouldn't ask them about jobs, it would be kind of weird. If you're talking to them and they ask what you do I would explain that you're looking for a job because xyz happened at your last job and you haven;t found anything yet. Once the other parents are cofortable with you they may begin telling you about job openings.


  • gardengirl23
    October 8, 2012 at 1:02 PM

    Don't worry about them having more $.  I grew up loaded and I can tell you rich people are the same as not rich people.  They have the same issues just more money.  If you are weird about it, they are weird about it.  Be confident in who you are.  Journal everyday about why you are confident.  I agree dress well.  Don't approach them directly about the jobs but be friendly to everyone.  (I hate how parents have no social skills standing around waiting for everyone else to say 'hi'"  Be genuinely interested in others and good will come to you.

  • yarocuhcap
    October 8, 2012 at 9:50 PM

    Thank you to mommytojustone.  I love your name! I think of it as mommytothebestone. 

    You were very helpful!! I'll get pass it (somehow) believe when you in this rooms I feel like I am right back to high school!!

    Thanks again,
    a+3=love/madness!

  • yarocuhcap
    October 8, 2012 at 10:20 PM

    Thank you all so much!!

    I won't approach anyone about jobs, (even I thought that was a bad idea).  And I'll try to make friends as much as I can.  And I'll approach them in order to say hello (not easy!) !! hopefully somewhere down the line I won't see any differences between those moms and myself; just a bunch of moms trying to do the best we can for our little ones.

    Thank you!!

    Amy

  • MunchiesMom324
    October 8, 2012 at 10:34 PM

    I agree.  Don't go up to them asking about jobs, but if it comes up in conversation you can say something like "Oh, I did such and such at company xyz until they downsized" or "Well, until this year, I was a stay at home mom, but now that the kid is in school , I might try to find something to occupy my time...."

    Don't go begging for a job and then say "Yeah, I got fired for being late every day" or something!  That would be horrible!

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