paganbaby
Letting a Baby 'Cry It Out' Is Inhumane
November 20, 2013 at 4:38 PM


by Deborah Cruz April 3, 2012 at 5:59 PM

co-sleeping

Did you use the Ferber method of sleep training? Do you believe in letting your baby cry it out in the name of sleep training? To me, I think letting your child cry it out is like withholding food from your newborn to teach them how to control their appetite. It’s crazy.

The "cry it out" approach assumes that falling asleep on your own is a skill like any other and that your baby can master this skill if you give him the opportunity. It is also supposed to teach a baby to learn to self-soothe rather than needing immediate attention from their caregiver.

I say this is ridiculous. Eventually, a child will learn to fall asleep on his/her own. You get tired and you fall asleep. You get hungry you eat. It’s a primal instinct; no one needs to teach a baby to do this. They were doing it for months in utero. I suppose these parents are the same ones who believe that you can spoil a baby with too much love. I disagree with that, as well.

Letting a child cry it out borders on inhumane. If my child wants to fall asleep cuddled in my lap, what’s the harm? If my baby falls asleep nursing, am I supposed to wake her up and then lay her in bed alone simply so she can learn to fall asleep on her own? Seems a bit ridiculous and over kill to me.

We chose a different path. We never Ferberized, we instead opted for attachment parenting. We co-slept. We've never had any issues with self-soothing. My daughters woke up, they reach out, and we were there. Knowing we were there, they would fall right back to sleep. They have since gone to their own beds, occasionally they will still find their way to our room. We have no problem with that. For the most part, they understand that if they wake up and they need us, we are just across the hall. Usually, they just fall back to sleep.

Crying it out is nothing I would have ever done. It doesn't work for our style of parenting. I don’t think there is anything to be proven by Ferberizing my child. There is no award for the toughest parent who let’s their child cry it out the most. I will opt for snuggles, cuddles and co-sleeping any day.

Did you let your kids cry it out?


Replies

  • redhead-bedhead
    November 20, 2013 at 4:43 PM

    I wouldn't take parenting advice from a man whose children disowned him...



  • paganbaby
    November 20, 2013 at 4:46 PM

    Ferber?

    Quoting redhead-bedhead:

    I wouldn't take parenting advice from a man whose children disowned him...




  • pamelax3
    November 20, 2013 at 4:47 PM

    I could never do this, I tried it one night and swore I would never do it again

  • Caera
    by Caera
    November 20, 2013 at 4:47 PM

    I'd rather let a child cry it out than suffocate it in a bed.

  • A-nony-mous
    November 20, 2013 at 4:51 PM

    I don't like CIO. I understand the idea behind it and I believe that it eventually works but not because your 3 month old really learns to "self sooth", it's more like they just become defeated and give up because they know no one will help them. 

    Yeah, it's a pain in the ass to get up umpteen times a night with a crying baby but isn't that life? No one has a baby to have MORE convenience in their life. You have to suck it up and do what you have to do in those early months and even years and most of it is unpleasant. What next? Parents who decide that babies need to change their own diapers? Or learn to just live with one diaper a day because the parents can't be "inconvenienced" with changing them more than once a day?  

  • redhead-bedhead
    November 20, 2013 at 4:52 PM

    Yeah, I read reports of his children disowning him because of abuse.


    Quoting paganbaby:

    Ferber?

    Quoting redhead-bedhead:

    I wouldn't take parenting advice from a man whose children disowned him...





  • paganbaby
    November 20, 2013 at 4:52 PM

    I tried it once when dd was 2. Never again.

    Quoting pamelax3:

    I could never do this, I tried it one night and swore I would never do it again


  • pamelax3
    November 20, 2013 at 4:53 PM

     I think I cried more then my little one..LOL


    Quoting paganbaby:

    I tried it once when dd was 2. Never again.

    Quoting pamelax3:

    I could never do this, I tried it one night and swore I would never do it again



     

  • MidwestMama55
    November 20, 2013 at 4:53 PM

    I agree. CIO "works" because the baby decides he/she has been abandoned. I think it's incredibly cruel. I have three kids, all big now. We did not CIO. And they didn't sleep through the night until they were 2 years old, each. And I was totally OK with that.


    Quoting A-nony-mous:

    I don't like CIO. I understand the idea behind it and I believe that it eventually works but not because your 3 month old really learns to "self sooth", it's more like they just become defeated and give up because they know no one will help them. 

    Yeah, it's a pain in the ass to get up umpteen times a night with a crying baby but isn't that life? No one has a baby to have MORE convenience in their life. You have to suck it up and do what you have to do in those early months and even years and most of it is unpleasant. What next? Parents who decide that babies need to change their own diapers? Or learn to just live with one diaper a day because the parents can't be "inconvenienced" with changing them more than once a day?  



  • paganbaby
    November 20, 2013 at 4:53 PM

    Walking away to calm yourself is different than systematically using CIO to sleep train a baby.

    Quoting Caera:

    I'd rather let a child cry it out than suffocate it in a bed.