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sehvaydaNtevin
His, Mine... but what about Ours?!
April 30, 2013 at 10:22 PM
So here's the scoop: My husband and I have been together for 5 1/2 years. We recently (3/23/2013) got married, but it was really more a formality... neither of us are going anywhere :-) we had a big amazing wedding! Anyway- we have 6 children between the 2 of us. 3 are mine- 1 from my 1st love & 2 from my ex husband (10, 7, & 5) and he has 1 biological son from his ex wife and 2 boys of hers that he has been raising ad his own since they were 6 mo.& newborn (16, 15, 14). We love them all and treat them all equally. This is where things get tough... lol. I personally want to make sure that we have all the life experiences together as we can. We have had a wedding and bought a house and are raising our children. (Back story- mine were 4, 2 & 3 months when we met). Now here's the dillemma... 6 kids is a lot. we only have mine full time, his are every other weekend. He is 39 and I am 29. I am torn with the fact that even though we had my littlest together as a newborn, that we will never get to share the pregnancy/birth experience together. It really makes me sad. I know that the age difference plays a factor but he said he's too old for more kids. I really want to have our time as a couple without kids someday, but I don't want to miss out on anything either. I haven't told him that I'm even considering another baby at this point, because I'm afraid of what his response will be. Not afraid- he would do it if I asked... but I don't want to be selfish. I don't want to take away from the 6 we have for us to have this experience. All my other kids were brought into this world in such messed up situations and I'd like to have just 1 planned child brought into a home of love! What do I do, ladies?! Any advice is welcome, but please be constructive, not critical ;-) Thanks in advance!

Replies

  • NWP
    by NWP
    April 30, 2013 at 10:27 PM

    This is something you must decide as a couple. I know that seems overly simplistic.

  • TimetoMomUp
    April 30, 2013 at 10:59 PM

    How did she have a six month old and a newborn at the same time?

  • Mrs.Kubalabuku
    April 30, 2013 at 11:03 PM

    I would suggest you start with therapy.  No, not all therapy has to be because you are crazy or mental.  Sometimes it can just help you sort out a difficult topic.  Tell him you are having these thoughts, and would like to have some help working them out.  I'd suggest going alone at first, so you can clarify your thoughts and have some help with pros and cons.  Keep your sessions between you and the therapist!  Then have him go for a few sessions to talk about his ideas on it.  Don't beg to know what they talked about!  Then you can go in together and have some help talking and communicating your thoughts and needs to each other to help you reach a decision.

  • Anonopotamus
    April 30, 2013 at 11:05 PM
    I think she means the one was 6 months when he came into their lives and the ex was pregnant with the youngest at the time, thus he would have been involved since the child was a newborn.


    Quoting TimetoMomUp:

    How did she have a six month old and a newborn at the same time?


  • TimetoMomUp
    April 30, 2013 at 11:06 PM

    Okay, taht makes sense.


    Quoting Anonopotamus:

    I think she means the one was 6 months when he came into their lives and the ex was pregnant with the youngest at the time, thus he would have been involved since the child was a newborn.


    Quoting TimetoMomUp:

    How did she have a six month old and a newborn at the same time?




  • JoshRachelsMAMA
    JRM
    April 30, 2013 at 11:08 PM
    Don't "accidentally" get pregnant. Sort it out.
  • sehvaydaNtevin
    April 30, 2013 at 11:29 PM
    Yea.. her oldest was 6 mo. And she was pregnant.
  • Jack_Squat
    April 30, 2013 at 11:32 PM
    I'm in the same boat, sort of. Idk what to tell ya. When you figure it out, share your secret with me lol.
  • aj_mom
    by aj_mom
    May 1, 2013 at 1:38 PM

    He is not to old to have more kids--JMO. My DH was 44 when our youngest was born. My dad was almost 47 when I was born.

  • FromAtoZ
    May 1, 2013 at 1:42 PM

    This is something  you two should have already discussed.

    Discuss it now.

    I would be careful, putting this out here for all to comment on.  

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