Okay. The issue is with grandparents having legal rights to children. Privilage and legal rights are two different things.
Parents have different ideas of what is acceptable behavior with children. Regardless of how open minded and laid back the parents YOU think should be, should the parents not get to decide themselves?
Example: mom wants to limit sugar for health reasons and asks that grandma not give junk food during visits. Many of you may agree or disagree with mom, but should grandma be able to disregard what mom says with no consequence? (No I'm not saying grandma should be cut off either)
I believe that mom should be respected Ben if grandma thinks its silly. It's beneficial even to listen to mom. Grandma should of course disobey if mom wants to do something dangerous but that's a separate issue.
Okay. If grandma is constantly defiant with moms rules and expectations regarding her child and mom wants to stop allowing unsupervised visits so that grandma can't keep doing things she shouldn't be, should mom not have the right to do that? If grandma has court ordered visitation then grandma essentially gets free reign to do what she wants and mom can't say anything because grandma really doesn't have to listen now.
If mom and dad have always dreamed of living in France, do they now have to have permission to move THEIR family because grandma has rights? If they are allowed to move, do they have to pay their hard earned money to send their child to grandma or should grandma have to pay for a yearly visit?
Should grandparents pay child support? If grandparents have equal rights as parents, shouldn't they have equal responsibility?
If mom and dad have to work full time and only have a day or two as a family with the kids (kids being in shool may make it worse) shouldnt te parents get to choose to spend that time with THEIR kids instead of sending then off for grandma to enjoy her visitation?
Do parents have to spend the money and mileage on their cars to deliver their children to the grandparents or should grandparents drive to them?
If a woman had a bad relationship with her mother growing up and chose to part ways with her in her adult life, does she have to let mom back into her life if she chooses to have her own family one day?
If grandma talks shit about the mom or dad, should parents have to send their kids over to get poisoned against them? Shouldn't you have to respect the parent in order to have access to their kid?
None of this has anything todo with special situations where te parents died or grandparents had raised the children for part of their lives. Just situations where parents make a judgement call.
Perfectly said :)
I also have no tolerance for grandparents rights threats. The first anyone utters those words would result in immediate and permanent cut off. That is my hill to die on.
Quoting FromAtoZ:As a Grandmother, I absolutely respect the wishes of my daughter in regards to her son. He is only 22 months old but I will always respect her wishes.I don't believe in Grandparents 'rights' unless there is a necessary reason that mom/dad cannot or are not parenting to benefit the child. As my Grandson grows up, I'm sure I will spoil him and do things with him that are special and may not be what mom/dad do all the time. But I will not go against the core of their parenting just to be a bitch. I don't have that right.I certainly went through hell with my former MIL thinking she had any right to dismiss our parenting and do as she pleased. She over stepped on many levels but even the basic levels should be respected.If a Grandparent feels they deserve 'visitation' they damn well better have a good reason and not just because they feel this way. That is not enough.Our children do not grow up to have families of their own to cater to their parents wishes in regards to their own children. Being a Grandparent is a privledge. I kept my youngest daughter from her Grandmother for several years. It was well warranted. If she dares to over step again, not only can my daughter now speak up for herself, I will step in again if necessary. She tried to take us to court on this whole 'Grandparents Rights' crap. She didn't even make it to the court house to file any papers. It was ridiculous and no attorney would take on her 'case'.For all the evil my own mother was, when she was with my two older girls, she respected my parenting. Any issues between her and I were not shared with the girls. They adored her. What memories they have of my mother are loving, fond memories. As they should be.
I absolutely agree with you, in this thread and in the other one about the same topic. Well said!
I mean you do this, and that or you will never see your grandchild again after the child and the grandparent are bonded and a use to being a part of each others lives daily. Just to be spiteful to the grandparent cause they could not watch them one time for the parents to have a date night. Or because the grandparent bought the child a shirt that said I am the birthday boy and the parent demands throw it away, or you will never see him again cause the parent had a shirt planned for his birthday already. Stupid shit like that and YES it does happen.
It depends on what you mean by control though.
An example of real controlling was given in another thread earlier. Where the mom was threatening to end visitation if the grandma didnt give her money among other entitled demands.
Alot of the time though, I just see the accusation that the parents are using the kids as pawns getting thrown around everytime a grandparent has failed to respect boundaries and is enduring the consequences. You will often hear them say that their adult children were controlling or demanding when really, the adult children have repeatedly asked them to stop disrespecting them or to stop breaking rules they had for the kids and they are no longer trusted to babysit (often they aren't even cut off. Just babysitting) or something they are doing is negative effects on the child and/or marriage so the family has to sever ties. The needs of the nuclear family have to come first
I for one think that as long as the grandparents are good grandparents and not endangering or anyway harming their grandchildren... the parents should stop using the children to control their parents. Far too much of this going on and the children are the ones that suffer!