ethans_momma06
We Don't Owe You Sex
March 23, 2013 at 11:19 AM

I've been reading so many downright disgusting comments about women and rape now that it has once again made international headlines (India, Ohio, etc. etc.)

I wrote up a blog expressing some thoughts, but here was a key point that I wanted to discuss-

"

People, so many people- are jumping at the bit, justifying rape at the expense of the victim.

She didn’t say no soon enough. She was a tease. She dressed a certain way. She hung out in the wrong venue. She put herself in a bad position (drinking, drugs).

Here’s the thing I’m hearing here:

Women are walking around, available to screw any time a guy wants to. UNLESS she says no."

Do you agree with that conclusion? That some people seem to think that sex is okay-expected- unless they object (soon enough), vs. sex isn't expected, deserved, etc UNLESS she consents? What do you feel is causing statements like the above examples to be made?

Replies

  • morriganna
    March 23, 2013 at 11:27 AM

    BUMP!

  • jehosoba84
    March 23, 2013 at 11:51 AM

     Maybe my thinking is a product of the society I live in.   But if I go out, dressed like a skank, get drunk among strangers.... I really shouldn't be surprised if I get taken advantage of. By that.. I don't mean forcible rape. I mean he's drunk, and I'm drunk. Things happen that I didn't want to happen. According to law, that is rape.   

     In my opinion, a woman can dress very classy/sexy without baring breasts and wearing mini skirts. That kind of clothing send a very clear message. Men are visually oriented, we all know this. So why do we as women dress the way we do (leaving nothing to the imagination) and then act all surprised when we get 'unwanted' attention from it?

  • PinkParadox
    March 23, 2013 at 11:56 AM
    So, at the end of the day, we are responsible for the action of men? Men are brainless beasts with no personal accountability? Men have no responsibility for themselves?

    I personally think everyone should walk around naked, because this would be a non issue.

    People will jump down my throat, but I blame organized religion for most of our current society issues.


    Quoting jehosoba84:

     Maybe my thinking is a product of the society I live in.   But if I go out, dressed like a skank, get drunk among strangers.... I really shouldn't be surprised if I get taken advantage of. By that.. I don't mean forcible rape. I mean he's drunk, and I'm drunk. Things happen that I didn't want to happen. According to law, that is rape.   


     In my opinion, a woman can dress very classy/sexy without baring breasts and wearing mini skirts. That kind of clothing send a very clear message. Men are visually oriented, we all know this. So why do we as women dress the way we do (leaving nothing to the imagination) and then act all surprised when we get 'unwanted' attention from it?

  • FromAtoZ
    March 23, 2013 at 12:00 PM


    Quoting jehosoba84:

     Maybe my thinking is a product of the society I live in.   But if I go out, dressed like a skank, get drunk among strangers.... I really shouldn't be surprised if I get taken advantage of. By that.. I don't mean forcible rape. I mean he's drunk, and I'm drunk. Things happen that I didn't want to happen. According to law, that is rape.   

     In my opinion, a woman can dress very classy/sexy without baring breasts and wearing mini skirts. That kind of clothing send a very clear message. Men are visually oriented, we all know this. So why do we as women dress the way we do (leaving nothing to the imagination) and then act all surprised when we get 'unwanted' attention from it?

    I understand what you are saying.  But no man should 'assume' any woman, regardless of her outfit or otherwise, is all for having sex.......unless she tells him so with her words and nothing else.

    Recently, I was out with a few people, different ages, the youngest being 21.  She was dancing with friends, by way of doing nothing more than bending over and shaking her ass.  All the while her boobs were hanging out of her top.

    Some guy comes up behind her, on the dance floor.  She does not stand up or move away.  They are 'dancing', by way of her shaking her ass in his groin and he is grinding up against her. 

    When the song ends, she starts to complain that he had a hard on.  What the hell did she expect?!?  She did not move away when he came up behind her to 'dance' and she then continued to 'dance' in the same manner the rest of the evening.  

    Now, even though I found her behavior to be rather disgusting and her attitude as well, even though she put herself out there in such a way, no one should have assumed they could have sex with her unless she absolutely agreed.

    But the attention she got..........she brought on herself.  If she had not wanted that kind of attention she would have acted in a different manner.  

    Some people, regardless of male or female, want all the attention they can get, up to the point of sex.  This only tells me that person has some issues for seeking that type of attention but it, in no way, should be a determination of if they want, or should, be engaged in any sexual activity.

  • FromAtoZ
    March 23, 2013 at 12:01 PM


    Quoting PinkParadox:

    So, at the end of the day, we are responsible for the action of men? Men are brainless beasts with no personal accountability? Men have no responsibility for themselves?

    I personally think everyone should walk around naked, because this would be a non issue.

    People will jump down my throat, but I blame organized religion for most of our current society issues.


    Quoting jehosoba84:

     Maybe my thinking is a product of the society I live in.   But if I go out, dressed like a skank, get drunk among strangers.... I really shouldn't be surprised if I get taken advantage of. By that.. I don't mean forcible rape. I mean he's drunk, and I'm drunk. Things happen that I didn't want to happen. According to law, that is rape.   


     In my opinion, a woman can dress very classy/sexy without baring breasts and wearing mini skirts. That kind of clothing send a very clear message. Men are visually oriented, we all know this. So why do we as women dress the way we do (leaving nothing to the imagination) and then act all surprised when we get 'unwanted' attention from it?

    Organized religion?

    How so?


  • ReadWriteLuv
    March 23, 2013 at 12:01 PM

    Ummm, there is a huge difference between "unwanted attention" and an unwanted penis thrust into my vagina.

    My short skirt or top that reveals cleavage is not consent to sexually assault me. 

    Quoting jehosoba84:

     Maybe my thinking is a product of the society I live in.   But if I go out, dressed like a skank, get drunk among strangers.... I really shouldn't be surprised if I get taken advantage of. By that.. I don't mean forcible rape. I mean he's drunk, and I'm drunk. Things happen that I didn't want to happen. According to law, that is rape.   

     In my opinion, a woman can dress very classy/sexy without baring breasts and wearing mini skirts. That kind of clothing send a very clear message. Men are visually oriented, we all know this. So why do we as women dress the way we do (leaving nothing to the imagination) and then act all surprised when we get 'unwanted' attention from it?


  • FromAtoZ
    March 23, 2013 at 12:02 PM


    Quoting jehosoba84:

     

    Quoting PinkParadox:

    So, at the end of the day, we are responsible for the action of men? Men are brainless beasts with no personal accountability? Men have no responsibility for themselves? Absolutely not. But the way women dress these days...Don't you see that you're inviting the wrong kind of attention? And don't women have any sort of self-preservation, getting drunk/high/etc with people they don't know? Where is their sense of personal responsiblity? No, it does not mean that they 'deserve' it. But they are asking for it. I speak from personal experience in this matter.

    I personally think everyone should walk around naked, because this would be a non issue.

    People will jump down my throat, but I blame organized religion for most of our current society issues.


    Quoting jehosoba84:

     Maybe my thinking is a product of the society I live in.   But if I go out, dressed like a skank, get drunk among strangers.... I really shouldn't be surprised if I get taken advantage of. By that.. I don't mean forcible rape. I mean he's drunk, and I'm drunk. Things happen that I didn't want to happen. According to law, that is rape.   


     In my opinion, a woman can dress very classy/sexy without baring breasts and wearing mini skirts. That kind of clothing send a very clear message. Men are visually oriented, we all know this. So why do we as women dress the way we do (leaving nothing to the imagination) and then act all surprised when we get 'unwanted' attention from it?

     

    Asking for attention...........yes, I can agree.  

    Asking to be raped........................no.

  • PinkParadox
    March 23, 2013 at 12:03 PM
    Drinking & drugs are certainly a separate issue, but the amount of skin shown is irrelevant. Period. Woman should be able to show as much skin as they want. Why? Because nakedness does not equal sex. Ever.

    Quoting jehosoba84:

     


    Quoting PinkParadox:

    So, at the end of the day, we are responsible for the action of men? Men are brainless beasts with no personal accountability? Men have no responsibility for themselves? Absolutely not. But the way women dress these days...Don't you see that you're inviting the wrong kind of attention? And don't women have any sort of self-preservation, getting drunk/high/etc with people they don't know? Where is their sense of personal responsiblity? No, it does not mean that they 'deserve' it. But they are asking for it. I speak from personal experience in this matter.

    I personally think everyone should walk around naked, because this would be a non issue.

    People will jump down my throat, but I blame organized religion for most of our current society issues.



    Quoting jehosoba84:


     Maybe my thinking is a product of the society I live in.   But if I go out, dressed like a skank, get drunk among strangers.... I really shouldn't be surprised if I get taken advantage of. By that.. I don't mean forcible rape. I mean he's drunk, and I'm drunk. Things happen that I didn't want to happen. According to law, that is rape.   



     In my opinion, a woman can dress very classy/sexy without baring breasts and wearing mini skirts. That kind of clothing send a very clear message. Men are visually oriented, we all know this. So why do we as women dress the way we do (leaving nothing to the imagination) and then act all surprised when we get 'unwanted' attention from it?


     

  • Ms.KitKat
    March 23, 2013 at 12:03 PM

     The objectification of women. Women are still seen as property and something to be owned and used at the disposal of men.  

  • PinkParadox
    March 23, 2013 at 12:05 PM
    A multitude of reasons. The way men/women rights & relationships are portrayed. The way sex is taught to be forbidden & dirty. There are a myriad of ways that organized religion warps our psyche.

    Quoting FromAtoZ:


    Quoting PinkParadox:

    So, at the end of the day, we are responsible for the action of men? Men are brainless beasts with no personal accountability? Men have no responsibility for themselves?



    I personally think everyone should walk around naked, because this would be a non issue.



    People will jump down my throat, but I blame organized religion for most of our current society issues.




    Quoting jehosoba84:

     Maybe my thinking is a product of the society I live in.   But if I go out, dressed like a skank, get drunk among strangers.... I really shouldn't be surprised if I get taken advantage of. By that.. I don't mean forcible rape. I mean he's drunk, and I'm drunk. Things happen that I didn't want to happen. According to law, that is rape.   



     In my opinion, a woman can dress very classy/sexy without baring breasts and wearing mini skirts. That kind of clothing send a very clear message. Men are visually oriented, we all know this. So why do we as women dress the way we do (leaving nothing to the imagination) and then act all surprised when we get 'unwanted' attention from it?

    Organized religion?

    How so?