LNLMommy
S/O of Bullies, Fights, and Parents
March 13, 2013 at 2:16 PM

 So we have seen articles about bullies. Sweet just posted an article about a mom who encouraged her daughter to fight a bully. So here is my question-how do you tell your child to handle a bully situation? Do they immediately tell  grown up? What if there is no grown up around? Do you teach your child to defend himself/herself and fight back or do they immediately report it? In my home, we teach our kids to notify an adult when possible but there will be times where they may have to fight back. Starting a fight is never OK but fighting back when necessary is.

Replies

  • LNLMommy
    March 13, 2013 at 3:50 PM

     B-U-M-P

  • juju40
    by juju40
    March 13, 2013 at 3:54 PM

    I've taught my kids to defend themselves or tell someone which ever comes first

  • jehosoba84
    March 13, 2013 at 3:54 PM

     The problem with that is.... As soon as a child is no longer being 'defensive' and starts being 'offensive' during that fight, they get to be suspended along with the bully. It's harder for a child to know where that line is.

  • LNLMommy
    March 13, 2013 at 3:57 PM

     

    Quoting jehosoba84:

     The problem with that is.... As soon as a child is no longer being 'defensive' and starts being 'offensive' during that fight, they get to be suspended along with the bully. It's harder for a child to know where that line is.

     I agree and this was my son's concern-what if he gets in trouble too? I told him as long as he is defending himself then we won't be upset but if he is just beating people up-he's in big trouble

  • pamelax3
    March 13, 2013 at 4:05 PM

    I have always told my children whenever possible walk away and tell someone, but if the situation comes that Is not possible,defend yourself

  • db1au
    by db1au
    March 13, 2013 at 4:07 PM

    I have told her to try to ignore (easier said that done and rarely works), tell an adult, use words to difuse situation.  If none of those ideas work and you have to fight, then fight, but that needs to be a last resort.  I will back her up as long as she's tried every other avenue.  Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.  I do not expect my child to just sit and take abuse. 

  • parentalrights1
    March 13, 2013 at 4:24 PM
    Realistically if my child's bully won't fuck off and noone will help then he ought to kick his ass.

    But the thig that bothers me is the victim often gets pegged as the bully.

    I had a bully in 5th and then 7th grade who would wait for me at th bus stop and start picking on me every day with her twin. I tried to ignore but waiting in one spot where someone is hurling insults at you with their sibling and friends joining and laughing, it's hard to just ignore but you can't really defend yourself either very well.

    Of course anything I said back to her or her sister would get reported to her mom, but her bullying is conveniently left out. I got sent to the office quite a bit. Imagine if I had hit the little cunts
  • parentalrights1
    March 13, 2013 at 4:25 PM
    Also if the child is low in confidence and doesn't know how to fight, then expecting them to fight is worthless. They will either lose or just not do it and continue getting bullied
  • macbudsmom
    March 13, 2013 at 4:29 PM

    Our school doesn't draw a line... If you are in a fight you are suspended, period.


    Quoting jehosoba84:

     The problem with that is.... As soon as a child is no longer being 'defensive' and starts being 'offensive' during that fight, they get to be suspended along with the bully. It's harder for a child to know where that line is.



  • happinessforyou
    March 13, 2013 at 4:33 PM

    I worked at a middle school several years ago and there was one group of boys that were just awful. 7-8 boys verbally assaulted 3 boys walking together past the soccer field. They taunted them until the 3 boys started yelling back. The ring leader jump over the fence and punched one of the other boys in the face so hard that it broke his jaw!!

    This boy spent several days in the hospital, lost a tooth & had his jaw wired shut. And I kid you not-the Principal had the nerve to say that she felt sorry for the aggressor because it seemed like he was "doing so much better lately". I hated that stupid bitch from that day forward.

    So it's not always the kids at fault-the adults have  a lot to be responsible for too.