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tooptimistic
Abuse and Survival.
February 11, 2013 at 11:59 AM

There's a he can change post that may give someone being abused false hope.

Anyone been abused and left?  

It would be great to hear survival stories.  :)

Replies

  • katy_kay08
    February 11, 2013 at 12:01 PM

    Yes.  I was physically abused by my first husband within the first year of our marriage.  I left shortly after the first incident but not before there were two more.  

  • Debmomto2girls
    February 11, 2013 at 12:24 PM
    My sister was by her first dh. He swore he would change, bullshit. She did leave and married a wonderful man. Her abuser remarried and did the same thing.

    They do not change
  • wickedfiress
    February 11, 2013 at 12:51 PM

    My mother waited too long to leave.  That's all I will put on the internet. 

  • tooptimistic
    February 11, 2013 at 12:57 PM


    Sorry

    Quoting wickedfiress:

    My mother waited too long to leave.  That's all I will put on the internet. 



  • Debmomto2girls
    February 11, 2013 at 12:59 PM
    OP- thank you for this thread. The other thread IMO sends the wrong message. False hope in the case of abuse can be deadly.
  • tooptimistic
    February 11, 2013 at 1:09 PM


    Totally agree.  

    Quoting Debmomto2girls:

    OP- thank you for this thread. The other thread IMO sends the wrong message. False hope in the case of abuse can be deadly.



  • NWP
    by NWP
    February 11, 2013 at 1:41 PM
    I think while it may be possible for an abuser to change with a lot of therapy and a strong will to do so, that it may be made more difficult for him to do so in the same relationship where he was the abuser. There is a certain dynamic there that is very difficult to change. My dad abused my mom who eventually left him. It wasn't until decades of accepting his losses and therapy and the desire to change that he actually did so. I seriously doubt he would ever have stopped if my mom had not left him.
  • mehamil1
    February 11, 2013 at 1:41 PM

    In the majority of cases, the abuser does not change. It takes a woman, on average, 8 times to leave her abuser. 

  • tooptimistic
    February 11, 2013 at 1:44 PM


    I agree, even with family and freinds support.  :)

    Quoting mehamil1:

    In the majority of cases, the abuser does not change. It takes a woman, on average, 8 times to leave her abuser. 



  • mehamil1
    February 11, 2013 at 1:57 PM

    Leaving completely means support is critical. But that support can be hard to maintain when a woman keeps going back. I understand the frustration that comes with it. 

    Quoting tooptimistic:

    I agree, even with family and freinds support.  :)

    Quoting mehamil1:

    In the majority of cases, the abuser does not change. It takes a woman, on average, 8 times to leave her abuser. 

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