A Personal Account. I was bullied

[Maevelyn]

When I was seven we moved to Florida. No, really, this story started before that. I won't say I made my social life easy on myself. I was insulated as a child. Kept in a perfect little bubble, cherished almost to the point of worship. I believed the hype. Maybe this story started before I was even born. Started with my parents or grandparents. Maybe it was fate. I don't know. 

The first time a kid teased me, really teased me was for eating a bell pepper. It was icky, I was weird with my hippified name, long hair and veggies. No one played with me for a week. I was 5 and I didn't tell my parents. I don't know why but it was embarrassing. Very light snow, the girls dark hair, her eyes. Was her name Kelly? I wanted to be her friend. crying. It got better. My school was small. One of the yard mom's noticed, I think, suddenly I was playing with the boys, her boys and I liked boys. Boys made sense. Throw the ball catch it, tag you're it. If you're the only girl they let you explain the rules. The girls got over it. 

Then we moved, like I said. You can't pick up where you left off when you move. I "talked funny" in the south. I said "yous guys" and not 'ya'll' worse boys didn't play with girls in Florida. The girl I rode to school with was mean, she was laughing about me to the other girls and suddenly I was nobody.

It doesn't really matter what was said, who said it. I learned with time that I was just as bad. I couldn't trust I couldn't forgive. I started crying at the drop of a hat. I was a mess. 

The worst part was my family. They didn't know what to do. My parents were cool when they were kids. They told me so. They hung out with people older than them, rode their bikes around town. I knew in my heart that it killed them that nobody liked me. I started crying at night. 

In the 4th grade I started chewing off the ends of my hair. Perfect, straight lines as short as I could get it. I would twirl my hair sometimes it would get stuck and pull out. My parents noticed all the extra hair around the house. I was told to stop cutting my hair. My dad laughed when he found out I was chewing it off but not for long. I started getting in trouble.

This entire time my grades were terrible. I didn't turn in homework, I didn't read except what I wanted (which was always the wrong thing. KIDS JUDGE YOU FOR WHAT YOU BUY IN THE SCHOOLASTIC!!) I played alone at recess. I lied all the time to my parents. I cried when I had to do homework. I was always grounded. ALWAYS grounded because of school. I didn't see my friends on the street. 

It's so lonely and quiet.  But I'm good about it and I'm good about helping around the house. I do my penance for being an absolute disappointment. Maybe if I had a trapper keeper or a Yikes pencil. Everything feels like rain. 

It rains and rains and rains. Summer is really like a golden time. My friend Meagan comes to visit her grandmother and we swim. We play. We stand up every time "Kiss from a Rose on the Grave" plays on WAPE (the only station we can get on the crappy little radio in the back room.) I'm not grounded. School is so far away. Meagan is weird too. My sister is nice when she's not at school. I can't taint her with my uncoolness. I always feel responsible if some one is mean to her and it makes me mean. For three months every year I can breath.  

School. I read the books on the reading list no one else read. There are kids who might be my friends, would be my friends but I don't trust them. I don't fail the 5th grade. My mom holds me back. No one warned me. I stare at the check next to "not promoted" and cry. I pretty much have no dignity left.

I overheard my mom and I think my grandmother. I don't remember really except that my mom hoped that it would be better after she held me back. Maybe I'm remembering a lot of arguments but I think my grandmother wanted me to go to a different school. My mom really thinks a different group of kids will be better. Maybe they will be.

On the first day of my second year of 5th grade Sister Valarie has me stand up with the new kids. "Sorcha is not new. She did not move on to the 6th grade. She is repeating the 5th grade." Kill me. Kill me now. RIGHT Now. 

I start pulling my hair out.

Sister pretty much points out my every failure to the entire class. Every day my name is written on the board. I don't go to recess. EVERY DAY SUCKS!!

To be fair. I probably could have had friends. Instead I got into fights. Well more fights. I started fighting in the 3rd grade (the one and only apology I got for being teased was from the first kid I hit. His name was Eric, he was, well, bullied into bullying me. It made me so made I shoved him. Parents were called and for some reason this kid was honest. I'm pretty sure his mom flipped out on him. He cried when he apologized. We didn't talk again.) I got into at least on fight a year until my first 5th grade year. I don't remember how many fights I got into. 

I pulled all the hair out from my ears down in 6th grade. Julie saw it over Christmas break and told me to hide it. I think Isis told. Anyway my dad saw it and cried and yelled. I don't remember what my mom did or said. I didn't pay attention to her because I couldn't handle the guilt she felt. The sadness and stress I caused.

I didn't  try to make friends but I found some by the end of 6th grade. By 7th grade we were enemies  They wanted me to be mean to another girl to basically "break up" with her. They had reasons why we shouldn't be friends with her.  To be honest, some of them were pretty accurate. She wasn't my favorite person. I tried to reason. We would go on summer break in a few weeks. After that 8th grade, then graduation. No way she'll go to Kenny. No need to worry about it. The didn't let it go. I refused.

The next day after school another girl (not the ones who's idea it was mind you, they were standing to the side laughing) broke up with both of us. She told me I was a loose, I was weird and that they never liked me. All the things I was supposed to be saying. 

I cried. I didn't want to. I couldn't help it. My grandfather, the person I wanted least to disappoint in the world came to pick me up that day. He walked up on the entire thing. The other girls laughing, my crying. He was so made and for some reason I thought he was mad at me. 

Worse the entire family had to talk about it. My mom called their moms. My dad had me prank call their houses and I laughed with him but it didn't help. Everybody stared the next day at school. We got sent to the principle's office. I explained (in a barely controlled rage -seriously I should have been locked up) what happened. Now they were crying. Now I was mean. I threatened them. Sister Josephine, that wonderful, wonderful woman, asked me why I wanted to be friends with them anyway. She said they were beneath me intellectually and that I didn't belong with them. In front of them. So wrong but it felt so good. I hated them for crying. My mom was off the handle mad. 

I didn't realize it but I was at a turning point. The day I had the chance to join in I didn't. I made a choice. Maybe that was what I needed. It didn't get better over night I was still mad, still hurt, pretty damaged to be honest. I had an identity. 

I don't know maybe I never would have been the girl, standing there. Saying things I didn't want to say. Maybe it was being bullied that made me so determined to no be that girl.

My daughter's preschool had a rule. Everyone is friends. I hate that rule. It's the worst rule I've ever heard. It's a lie and adults shouldn't lie to little kids.

Trust me I know. Not everyone is friends. Sometimes no matter how hard you try you can't be friends with some one. In fact, sometimes you shouldn't be friends with everyone. I don't want that for my daughters. Trust schools to find the only standard more impossible and damaging than every fashion magazine combined. We're all friends. Except when we're not. I hope my daughters can identify who's worthy of their friendship and who isn't. I don't want them to think something is wrong with them when they aren't liked. I don't want them to take every friendship that's offered. I want them to be cool and popular. I want the other kids to want to be friends with them. I want them to float in the bliss of middle school popularity. I don't want popularity to matter to them. I want them to be independent, thoughtful, mature. My mom might have wanted the same things. It's a Rolling Stones song.

I wanted to post this in current events because bullying is such a huge issue. It's not a confession. It is what it is. It happened. Share you're feelings and stories too. 

[GLWerth]

Given what you've said, I'd think you'd have some sympathy or empathy for others who are having a tough time, but you appear to have none.

As for ganging up on you, we disagreed with your opinions and pointed out why.

My question was a logical follow up to your stated belief that "kids will be kids" and there is no bullying... except, strangely, on Facebook, where "kids will be kids" doesn't seem to apply.

The thing is, what starts out as the normal and totally acceptable "ostracizing" can go a lot farther really fast.

Maybe we should all work on teaching our kids to be nice and not work to find ways to humiliate and marginalize others. Or would that take too much of the fun of being kids away from those who choose to be bullies?

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

As a rape victim who was ostracized by a community and told that "a slut can't be raped", and that is was my fault for being drunk and whorish, I find your comment outlandish, despicable and disgusting, not to mention uncalled for. 

Our definitions of the term "bully" may not be the same, but I find it interesting how I have been ganged up on in this thread for my opinion, and people have interpreted my words in their own way to use them against me. Hmmmm....

Quoting GLWerth:

You're the one who said pretty much nothing is bullying.

Now, you're saying that using Facebook and video IS bullying...actually, by your definition it is simply using new technology to ostracize and call names, it just gets out to a wider audience. So, using your own definition, it is A-OK!

So, do you encourage your kids to name call and ostracize? After all, it's just part of being a kid!

I encourage my kids to use words, not violence. I encourage them to default to being kind, even to kids who treat them badly.  

I encourage them to do what they can to deal with things on their own, but to tell me what's happening.

If it escalates, I step in. Why? Because I'm their mother and it IS my job to make sure that they can learn in school. It is my job to ensure that they are not being mercilessly bullied at all hours.

Oh, wait, there is no bullying, except on Facebook!

Just curious, do you also read about rape cases and excuse it with "boys will be boys!"?

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Boy, that's one hell of an ASSumption. There are limits to everything. I think the videotaping and Facebook bullying is outrageous and needs to be stopped, but lets get real. Name calling and social ostracizing is just part of growing up. It is. It has always happened and will always happen, it's a part of life, it builds character, and it teaches life lessons and helps develop a sense of humor. We can't run to our kids rescue all of the time, or how will they ever learn to deal with adversity on their own? The adult world is a cruel place. I'm not raising a kid who is going to cry in my basement all through her 20's because she can't handle rejection or people being mean to her.

Quoting GLWerth:

My guess, then, is that you're one of those people who thinks there is no bullying anywhere. That everyone just needs to accept that some kids are going to be sick at the thought of going to school every day, that getting punched in the stomach every morning is just "part of being a kid".

 

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I don't see those things a bullying. I don't think you were bullied, I think that is just kids doing what they do. Kids are means little shits to each other, it builds character. I went through the same stuff. I went to school on days when NO ONE would talk to me, but everyone would talk about me and leave nasty notes and crap in my locker. I once got a note signed by half of the girls in my class telling me they all hated me in the 6th grade. In the 8th grade it was worse because the threats of physical violence started too. I never once thought I was bullied, and I don't see those things as being "bullied" now. Those things built character and let me learn how to deal with adversity. 

 

 

 

 

 

[ReadWriteLuv]

That's seriously all you have taken from what I have to say? I never said I don't have sympathy or empathy, I said kids need to learn to deal with things on their own, to a point. Kids are never going to all be friends. There is always going to be adversity, somewhere. Kids are always going to be mean to each other at some point. Rather than jump in and get involved to rescue your kids every time someone calls them a name, I don't think anything is wrong with letting them learn to deal with it in their own manner. It's about teaching your kids coping skills and giving them positive advice to work through it. 

Quoting GLWerth:

Given what you've said, I'd think you'd have some sympathy or empathy for others who are having a tough time, but you appear to have none.

As for ganging up on you, we disagreed with your opinions and pointed out why.

My question was a logical follow up to your stated belief that "kids will be kids" and there is no bullying... except, strangely, on Facebook, where "kids will be kids" doesn't seem to apply.

The thing is, what starts out as the normal and totally acceptable "ostracizing" can go a lot farther really fast.

Maybe we should all work on teaching our kids to be nice and not work to find ways to humiliate and marginalize others. Or would that take too much of the fun of being kids away from those who choose to be bullies?

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

As a rape victim who was ostracized by a community and told that "a slut can't be raped", and that is was my fault for being drunk and whorish, I find your comment outlandish, despicable and disgusting, not to mention uncalled for. 

Our definitions of the term "bully" may not be the same, but I find it interesting how I have been ganged up on in this thread for my opinion, and people have interpreted my words in their own way to use them against me. Hmmmm....

Quoting GLWerth:

You're the one who said pretty much nothing is bullying.

Now, you're saying that using Facebook and video IS bullying...actually, by your definition it is simply using new technology to ostracize and call names, it just gets out to a wider audience. So, using your own definition, it is A-OK!

So, do you encourage your kids to name call and ostracize? After all, it's just part of being a kid!

I encourage my kids to use words, not violence. I encourage them to default to being kind, even to kids who treat them badly.  

I encourage them to do what they can to deal with things on their own, but to tell me what's happening.

If it escalates, I step in. Why? Because I'm their mother and it IS my job to make sure that they can learn in school. It is my job to ensure that they are not being mercilessly bullied at all hours.

Oh, wait, there is no bullying, except on Facebook!

Just curious, do you also read about rape cases and excuse it with "boys will be boys!"?

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Boy, that's one hell of an ASSumption. There are limits to everything. I think the videotaping and Facebook bullying is outrageous and needs to be stopped, but lets get real. Name calling and social ostracizing is just part of growing up. It is. It has always happened and will always happen, it's a part of life, it builds character, and it teaches life lessons and helps develop a sense of humor. We can't run to our kids rescue all of the time, or how will they ever learn to deal with adversity on their own? The adult world is a cruel place. I'm not raising a kid who is going to cry in my basement all through her 20's because she can't handle rejection or people being mean to her.

Quoting GLWerth:

My guess, then, is that you're one of those people who thinks there is no bullying anywhere. That everyone just needs to accept that some kids are going to be sick at the thought of going to school every day, that getting punched in the stomach every morning is just "part of being a kid".

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I don't see those things a bullying. I don't think you were bullied, I think that is just kids doing what they do. Kids are means little shits to each other, it builds character. I went through the same stuff. I went to school on days when NO ONE would talk to me, but everyone would talk about me and leave nasty notes and crap in my locker. I once got a note signed by half of the girls in my class telling me they all hated me in the 6th grade. In the 8th grade it was worse because the threats of physical violence started too. I never once thought I was bullied, and I don't see those things as being "bullied" now. Those things built character and let me learn how to deal with adversity. 

[LoveMyBoyK]

I do not understand .. a kid calling your DD ugly and ostracizing her over FB is bullying but doing it face to face is just "kids being kids"?

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

As a rape victim who was ostracized by a community and told that "a slut can't be raped", and that is was my fault for being drunk and whorish, I find your comment outlandish, despicable and disgusting, not to mention uncalled for. 

Our definitions of the term "bully" may not be the same, but I find it interesting how I have been ganged up on in this thread for my opinion, and people have interpreted my words in their own way to use them against me. Hmmmm....

Quoting GLWerth:

You're the one who said pretty much nothing is bullying.

Now, you're saying that using Facebook and video IS bullying...actually, by your definition it is simply using new technology to ostracize and call names, it just gets out to a wider audience. So, using your own definition, it is A-OK!

So, do you encourage your kids to name call and ostracize? After all, it's just part of being a kid!

I encourage my kids to use words, not violence. I encourage them to default to being kind, even to kids who treat them badly.  

I encourage them to do what they can to deal with things on their own, but to tell me what's happening.

If it escalates, I step in. Why? Because I'm their mother and it IS my job to make sure that they can learn in school. It is my job to ensure that they are not being mercilessly bullied at all hours.

Oh, wait, there is no bullying, except on Facebook!

Just curious, do you also read about rape cases and excuse it with "boys will be boys!"?

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Boy, that's one hell of an ASSumption. There are limits to everything. I think the videotaping and Facebook bullying is outrageous and needs to be stopped, but lets get real. Name calling and social ostracizing is just part of growing up. It is. It has always happened and will always happen, it's a part of life, it builds character, and it teaches life lessons and helps develop a sense of humor. We can't run to our kids rescue all of the time, or how will they ever learn to deal with adversity on their own? The adult world is a cruel place. I'm not raising a kid who is going to cry in my basement all through her 20's because she can't handle rejection or people being mean to her.

Quoting GLWerth:

My guess, then, is that you're one of those people who thinks there is no bullying anywhere. That everyone just needs to accept that some kids are going to be sick at the thought of going to school every day, that getting punched in the stomach every morning is just "part of being a kid".

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I don't see those things a bullying. I don't think you were bullied, I think that is just kids doing what they do. Kids are means little shits to each other, it builds character. I went through the same stuff. I went to school on days when NO ONE would talk to me, but everyone would talk about me and leave nasty notes and crap in my locker. I once got a note signed by half of the girls in my class telling me they all hated me in the 6th grade. In the 8th grade it was worse because the threats of physical violence started too. I never once thought I was bullied, and I don't see those things as being "bullied" now. Those things built character and let me learn how to deal with adversity. 

[ReadWriteLuv]

Like this:

Last year the phone calls started. I was surprised, because this sort of thing didn't start happening to me until I was in junior high. Girl A calls Girl B, while Girl C is at Girl A's house on the other line. Girl A then tries to get Girl B to talk about Girl C while she listens in, saying bad things to bait her, in an attempt to trap her so they can pounce and turn the other girls in school against them. My daughter was Girl B, but didn't really fall for the trap. She told me what happened immediately after she got off of the phone and I was disgusted, but I gave her a hug and told her I was proud of her and I loved her, and not to fall for that crap because it will probably happen again. Did I get the other parents involved? No, of course not. It's ridiculous.  This is the kind of thing that will happen to her, that she can totally deal with on her won. 

There is a 6th grade boy on the bus who calls her names and picks on her because she's a 4th grade girl. She used to cry about it every day, and every day I would hug her and tell her I love her and he obviously has some issues, but that she has to deal with it on her own. I can't ride the bus with her, and she has to ride it every day. After a while the tears stopped, and she told me that rather than sit and cry about the names he was calling her, she started "I know you are, but what am I"ing him. I was proud. She figured out a way to deal with it, and now he pretty much leaves her alone. She figured out a way to deal with the adversity on her own. 

Quoting Stephanie329:

It makes me wonder how she'll handle bullying with her kids when she thinks there is no such thing.

Quoting GLWerth:

My guess, then, is that you're one of those people who thinks there is no bullying anywhere. That everyone just needs to accept that some kids are going to be sick at the thought of going to school every day, that getting punched in the stomach every morning is just "part of being a kid".

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I don't see those things a bullying. I don't think you were bullied, I think that is just kids doing what they do. Kids are means little shits to each other, it builds character. I went through the same stuff. I went to school on days when NO ONE would talk to me, but everyone would talk about me and leave nasty notes and crap in my locker. I once got a note signed by half of the girls in my class telling me they all hated me in the 6th grade. In the 8th grade it was worse because the threats of physical violence started too. I never once thought I was bullied, and I don't see those things as being "bullied" now. Those things built character and let me learn how to deal with adversity. 

[ReadWriteLuv]

Parents should either not let their kids on Facebook, or should have more control over what they post. Parental supervision is lacking everywhere. Grown adults call each other names on Facebook all of the time, and it isn't the name calling I'm reffering to. I'm talking about things like we had a post in here a week or two ago, the "Slut Shaming" posts. The secret videos and pics of the girls in sexual situations or the like that are then posted for the world to see, and for the world to comment on. That is absolutely bullying.

Quoting LoveMyBoyK:

I do not understand .. a kid calling your DD ugly and ostracizing her over FB is bullying but doing it face to face is just "kids being kids"?

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

As a rape victim who was ostracized by a community and told that "a slut can't be raped", and that is was my fault for being drunk and whorish, I find your comment outlandish, despicable and disgusting, not to mention uncalled for. 

Our definitions of the term "bully" may not be the same, but I find it interesting how I have been ganged up on in this thread for my opinion, and people have interpreted my words in their own way to use them against me. Hmmmm....

Quoting GLWerth:

You're the one who said pretty much nothing is bullying.

Now, you're saying that using Facebook and video IS bullying...actually, by your definition it is simply using new technology to ostracize and call names, it just gets out to a wider audience. So, using your own definition, it is A-OK!

So, do you encourage your kids to name call and ostracize? After all, it's just part of being a kid!

I encourage my kids to use words, not violence. I encourage them to default to being kind, even to kids who treat them badly.  

I encourage them to do what they can to deal with things on their own, but to tell me what's happening.

If it escalates, I step in. Why? Because I'm their mother and it IS my job to make sure that they can learn in school. It is my job to ensure that they are not being mercilessly bullied at all hours.

Oh, wait, there is no bullying, except on Facebook!

Just curious, do you also read about rape cases and excuse it with "boys will be boys!"?

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Boy, that's one hell of an ASSumption. There are limits to everything. I think the videotaping and Facebook bullying is outrageous and needs to be stopped, but lets get real. Name calling and social ostracizing is just part of growing up. It is. It has always happened and will always happen, it's a part of life, it builds character, and it teaches life lessons and helps develop a sense of humor. We can't run to our kids rescue all of the time, or how will they ever learn to deal with adversity on their own? The adult world is a cruel place. I'm not raising a kid who is going to cry in my basement all through her 20's because she can't handle rejection or people being mean to her.

Quoting GLWerth:

My guess, then, is that you're one of those people who thinks there is no bullying anywhere. That everyone just needs to accept that some kids are going to be sick at the thought of going to school every day, that getting punched in the stomach every morning is just "part of being a kid".

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I don't see those things a bullying. I don't think you were bullied, I think that is just kids doing what they do. Kids are means little shits to each other, it builds character. I went through the same stuff. I went to school on days when NO ONE would talk to me, but everyone would talk about me and leave nasty notes and crap in my locker. I once got a note signed by half of the girls in my class telling me they all hated me in the 6th grade. In the 8th grade it was worse because the threats of physical violence started too. I never once thought I was bullied, and I don't see those things as being "bullied" now. Those things built character and let me learn how to deal with adversity. 

[lizzielouaf]

Ugh I remember the phone calling baiting thing when I was in the 5th grade... Crazy to know they're still pulling the same shit.

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Like this:

Last year the phone calls started. I was surprised, because this sort of thing didn't start happening to me until I was in junior high. Girl A calls Girl B, while Girl C is at Girl A's house on the other line. Girl A then tries to get Girl B to talk about Girl C while she listens in, saying bad things to bait her, in an attempt to trap her so they can pounce and turn the other girls in school against them. My daughter was Girl B, but didn't really fall for the trap. She told me what happened immediately after she got off of the phone and I was disgusted, but I gave her a hug and told her I was proud of her and I loved her, and not to fall for that crap because it will probably happen again. Did I get the other parents involved? No, of course not. It's ridiculous.  This is the kind of thing that will happen to her, that she can totally deal with on her won. 

There is a 6th grade boy on the bus who calls her names and picks on her because she's a 4th grade girl. She used to cry about it every day, and every day I would hug her and tell her I love her and he obviously has some issues, but that she has to deal with it on her own. I can't ride the bus with her, and she has to ride it every day. After a while the tears stopped, and she told me that rather than sit and cry about the names he was calling her, she started "I know you are, but what am I"ing him. I was proud. She figured out a way to deal with it, and now he pretty much leaves her alone. She figured out a way to deal with the adversity on her own. 

Quoting Stephanie329:

It makes me wonder how she'll handle bullying with her kids when she thinks there is no such thing.

Quoting GLWerth:

My guess, then, is that you're one of those people who thinks there is no bullying anywhere. That everyone just needs to accept that some kids are going to be sick at the thought of going to school every day, that getting punched in the stomach every morning is just "part of being a kid".

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I don't see those things a bullying. I don't think you were bullied, I think that is just kids doing what they do. Kids are means little shits to each other, it builds character. I went through the same stuff. I went to school on days when NO ONE would talk to me, but everyone would talk about me and leave nasty notes and crap in my locker. I once got a note signed by half of the girls in my class telling me they all hated me in the 6th grade. In the 8th grade it was worse because the threats of physical violence started too. I never once thought I was bullied, and I don't see those things as being "bullied" now. Those things built character and let me learn how to deal with adversity. 

[ReadWriteLuv]

Oh lord, I wish. If I didn't know how to deal with adversity and people with anger issues and massive superiority complexes, there is no way I could work in health care. Surgeons are terrifying people who love to belittle, name call and occasionally throw heavy, blunt objects across rooms. It doesn't matter if you are in a hospital or in a private office, the surgeon is worth triple what any worker is, you can complain, but you won't win. 

Quoting PinkButterfly66:

It is NOT a part of life and DOES NOT build character.  Again, I repeat... If it happened in the workplace, it would be illegal.  Slander in the adult world is illegal. 

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Boy, that's one hell of an ASSumption. There are limits to everything. I think the videotaping and Facebook bullying is outrageous and needs to be stopped, but lets get real. Name calling and social ostracizing is just part of growing up. It is. It has always happened and will always happen, it's a part of life, it builds character, and it teaches life lessons and helps develop a sense of humor. We can't run to our kids rescue all of the time, or how will they ever learn to deal with adversity on their own? The adult world is a cruel place. I'm not raising a kid who is going to cry in my basement all through her 20's because she can't handle rejection or people being mean to her.

Quoting GLWerth:

My guess, then, is that you're one of those people who thinks there is no bullying anywhere. That everyone just needs to accept that some kids are going to be sick at the thought of going to school every day, that getting punched in the stomach every morning is just "part of being a kid".

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I don't see those things a bullying. I don't think you were bullied, I think that is just kids doing what they do. Kids are means little shits to each other, it builds character. I went through the same stuff. I went to school on days when NO ONE would talk to me, but everyone would talk about me and leave nasty notes and crap in my locker. I once got a note signed by half of the girls in my class telling me they all hated me in the 6th grade. In the 8th grade it was worse because the threats of physical violence started too. I never once thought I was bullied, and I don't see those things as being "bullied" now. Those things built character and let me learn how to deal with adversity. 

[ReadWriteLuv]

Last year she was in 3rd grade and I was shocked that they were starting this crap so young,  but Girl C has an older sister in middle school, which is where she learned the game from I think. 

Quoting lizzielouaf:

Ugh I remember the phone calling baiting thing when I was in the 5th grade... Crazy to know they're still pulling the same shit.

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Like this:

Last year the phone calls started. I was surprised, because this sort of thing didn't start happening to me until I was in junior high. Girl A calls Girl B, while Girl C is at Girl A's house on the other line. Girl A then tries to get Girl B to talk about Girl C while she listens in, saying bad things to bait her, in an attempt to trap her so they can pounce and turn the other girls in school against them. My daughter was Girl B, but didn't really fall for the trap. She told me what happened immediately after she got off of the phone and I was disgusted, but I gave her a hug and told her I was proud of her and I loved her, and not to fall for that crap because it will probably happen again. Did I get the other parents involved? No, of course not. It's ridiculous.  This is the kind of thing that will happen to her, that she can totally deal with on her won. 

There is a 6th grade boy on the bus who calls her names and picks on her because she's a 4th grade girl. She used to cry about it every day, and every day I would hug her and tell her I love her and he obviously has some issues, but that she has to deal with it on her own. I can't ride the bus with her, and she has to ride it every day. After a while the tears stopped, and she told me that rather than sit and cry about the names he was calling her, she started "I know you are, but what am I"ing him. I was proud. She figured out a way to deal with it, and now he pretty much leaves her alone. She figured out a way to deal with the adversity on her own. 

[Maevelyn]

I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm of the opinion that even if you say yes 10 thousand times that doesn't change a thing when you say no. We do live in a society where people tend to blame the victim. I think they would rather believe that some one is lying than that they associate with a rapist daily. I don't agree that social ostrazising is part of growing up, at least not to the point that you aren't able to have any friends. I do agree that it can shape character. I was one of the people who developed a strong sense of right and wrong (a strong sense of humor too.) Other people don't devlop that way. To be honest I was a little slutty in high school, mostly because I wanted to be liked but I was able to get past that too. The problem is that not every kid is able to do that. It's like how two kids can be raised in the same abusive enviroment but one grows up to be a missionary, run a youth group and is the best most successful person in the town and the other kid acts just like their abusive mom or dad. We don't know what makes the difference. I deeply feel that if it had been my sister who received the exact same treatment she would have either ended up on a really bad path or killed herself. 

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

As a rape victim who was ostracized by a community and told that "a slut can't be raped", and that is was my fault for being drunk and whorish, I find your comment outlandish, despicable and disgusting, not to mention uncalled for. 

Our definitions of the term "bully" may not be the same, but I find it interesting how I have been ganged up on in this thread for my opinion, and people have interpreted my words in their own way to use them against me. Hmmmm....

Quoting GLWerth:

You're the one who said pretty much nothing is bullying.

Now, you're saying that using Facebook and video IS bullying...actually, by your definition it is simply using new technology to ostracize and call names, it just gets out to a wider audience. So, using your own definition, it is A-OK!

So, do you encourage your kids to name call and ostracize? After all, it's just part of being a kid!

I encourage my kids to use words, not violence. I encourage them to default to being kind, even to kids who treat them badly.  

I encourage them to do what they can to deal with things on their own, but to tell me what's happening.

If it escalates, I step in. Why? Because I'm their mother and it IS my job to make sure that they can learn in school. It is my job to ensure that they are not being mercilessly bullied at all hours.

Oh, wait, there is no bullying, except on Facebook!

Just curious, do you also read about rape cases and excuse it with "boys will be boys!"?

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Boy, that's one hell of an ASSumption. There are limits to everything. I think the videotaping and Facebook bullying is outrageous and needs to be stopped, but lets get real. Name calling and social ostracizing is just part of growing up. It is. It has always happened and will always happen, it's a part of life, it builds character, and it teaches life lessons and helps develop a sense of humor. We can't run to our kids rescue all of the time, or how will they ever learn to deal with adversity on their own? The adult world is a cruel place. I'm not raising a kid who is going to cry in my basement all through her 20's because she can't handle rejection or people being mean to her.

Quoting GLWerth:

My guess, then, is that you're one of those people who thinks there is no bullying anywhere. That everyone just needs to accept that some kids are going to be sick at the thought of going to school every day, that getting punched in the stomach every morning is just "part of being a kid".

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I don't see those things a bullying. I don't think you were bullied, I think that is just kids doing what they do. Kids are means little shits to each other, it builds character. I went through the same stuff. I went to school on days when NO ONE would talk to me, but everyone would talk about me and leave nasty notes and crap in my locker. I once got a note signed by half of the girls in my class telling me they all hated me in the 6th grade. In the 8th grade it was worse because the threats of physical violence started too. I never once thought I was bullied, and I don't see those things as being "bullied" now. Those things built character and let me learn how to deal with adversity. 

[Maevelyn]

goodness. I can't believe they started that up already. They used to do it with a boy on the line too when I was a kid. I will say that when you never get phone calls at home because you have no friends and some one calls you all nice and starts asking about another kid you don't fall for it.They used to do it with a boy on the line too when I was a kid. Trying to get the girl to either say she liked him or say she didn't like him but that was in middle school. Stuff like that has gone on forever and while I don't think that it's good, my kids would definitely get in trouble for it, you can't stop it from ever happening. I think the reason things got so bad was because if it wasn't outright encourage by some of my classmate's parents it definitely wasn't discouraged. Sr. also told my mom and another mom who's kid had similar problems that you get bad mixes of kids from time to time that form a toxic environment but that she'd never seen one as bad as the entire grade I was in. They tried rearrangeing them every which way, special activities to build team work. While there were 3 main kids who really got to me, there were easily 8 or 9 I can think of off the top of my head who were habitual bullies (willing to get physical, relentless, destructive of other kids books, toys school work ect.) when you only have 40 kids in a grade that's pretty significant. 

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Like this:

Last year the phone calls started. I was surprised, because this sort of thing didn't start happening to me until I was in junior high. Girl A calls Girl B, while Girl C is at Girl A's house on the other line. Girl A then tries to get Girl B to talk about Girl C while she listens in, saying bad things to bait her, in an attempt to trap her so they can pounce and turn the other girls in school against them. My daughter was Girl B, but didn't really fall for the trap. She told me what happened immediately after she got off of the phone and I was disgusted, but I gave her a hug and told her I was proud of her and I loved her, and not to fall for that crap because it will probably happen again. Did I get the other parents involved? No, of course not. It's ridiculous.  This is the kind of thing that will happen to her, that she can totally deal with on her won. 

There is a 6th grade boy on the bus who calls her names and picks on her because she's a 4th grade girl. She used to cry about it every day, and every day I would hug her and tell her I love her and he obviously has some issues, but that she has to deal with it on her own. I can't ride the bus with her, and she has to ride it every day. After a while the tears stopped, and she told me that rather than sit and cry about the names he was calling her, she started "I know you are, but what am I"ing him. I was proud. She figured out a way to deal with it, and now he pretty much leaves her alone. She figured out a way to deal with the adversity on her own. 

Quoting Stephanie329:

It makes me wonder how she'll handle bullying with her kids when she thinks there is no such thing.

Quoting GLWerth:

My guess, then, is that you're one of those people who thinks there is no bullying anywhere. That everyone just needs to accept that some kids are going to be sick at the thought of going to school every day, that getting punched in the stomach every morning is just "part of being a kid".

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I don't see those things a bullying. I don't think you were bullied, I think that is just kids doing what they do. Kids are means little shits to each other, it builds character. I went through the same stuff. I went to school on days when NO ONE would talk to me, but everyone would talk about me and leave nasty notes and crap in my locker. I once got a note signed by half of the girls in my class telling me they all hated me in the 6th grade. In the 8th grade it was worse because the threats of physical violence started too. I never once thought I was bullied, and I don't see those things as being "bullied" now. Those things built character and let me learn how to deal with adversity.