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paganbaby
Is this punishment too harsh?
January 25, 2013 at 1:08 PM

My 13yo dd has been driving me nuts.

She snuck off and dated a boy behind my back. (That got her into a scary situation) She's hanging around kids and getting into trouble, got kicked out of the corner store, having attitude with adults. She's neglecting her chores and homework in favor of facebook and friends. And now the latest battles is clothes. Thank God her school has uniforms but outside of school I'm constantly telling her to change her clothes or add legging or an undershirt.

It comes down to the fact that I can't trust her. So I came up with a plan. I walk her to and from school. I accompany her to the park and rec center when she hangs out with her friends (her little brother and sister come too) When we leave she leaves too. I put a pass word on the computer and she's only allowed on after her homework and chores are done.

She wants to know how long this will go on. I told her until she can prove to me that she's responsible. So now I am officially the worst mother ever,lol.

Do you think this punishment is too much?
  • Only group members can vote in this poll.
  1. 3% - Yes. She's a teenager now not a small child. She needs to have her freedom.
  2. 43% - This isn't punishment. Children this age need to be supervised.
  3. 52% - I agree with it for now but she should slowly be able to earn her freedom back.

Replies

  • FromAtoZ
    January 25, 2013 at 1:39 PM

    My daughter, who is 13, would not be going to rec center for quite a while.

    No computer at all, outside of school necessary work.  

    I'm a hard ass and I don't mess around.  Just recently, every thing in her room, outside of her bed and dresser, was removed.  She wants to be lazy and not take her responsibilities seriously, there are consequences.

    I would be mortified if my daughter was disrespectful to adults and carried her attitude outside of this house.  Thankfully she has not yet taken that step and if she does, it will be a step she will regret.


  • Emilytrademark
    January 25, 2013 at 1:42 PM

     She needs to earn her freedom back by making responsible decisions. You gave her freedom, and she destroyed that trust, and now she has to work to get it back.

  • talia-mom
    January 25, 2013 at 1:47 PM

    I thought you homeschooled?

  • FromAtoZ
    January 25, 2013 at 1:54 PM

    People are saying she needs to earn her freedom back?  She hasn't lost any freedom. *shrug*

  • NewMom11222011
    January 25, 2013 at 1:54 PM

    Keep up the good work, mama!

  • jhslove
    by jhslove
    January 25, 2013 at 1:56 PM

    This sounds like a natural consequence--she showed you that she couldn't handle the level of freedom that she had, so she gets less freedom. I would let it continue for a while to let the point sink in, then start giving her some opportunities to earn her privileges back.

  • malibucj
    January 25, 2013 at 1:58 PM

    I think it seems like a good punishment. But if anything, not harsh enough. lol

  • FromAtoZ
    January 25, 2013 at 2:02 PM

     I did not vote, by the way.  There is not an option that I completely agree with.

    Also, what do you mean she snuck a boyfriend?  

  • babygirl_1012
    January 25, 2013 at 2:03 PM

    It fits the situation. Be the worst mom ever for now, she will change her mind later when she realizes that you just care about her.

  • opal10161973
    January 25, 2013 at 2:05 PM

    Have you considered adding some volunteer work at a woman's shelter, especially one that has single mothers?  So she can see what happens to women who don't listen to their mothers?  I mean, not ALL of them are like that, but some are and have stories where they got pregnant as teens, etc.  IDK, it was a thought. 

    EDITED TO ADD:  I think this punishment could be harder, IMO.  As evidence of mym response above.  Teens need to be shown the truth of what their defiance may have an end result of.  She is lucky that you are willing to be so kind to her.

    Quoting paganbaby:

    That's what I'm struggling with! She's been better for a couple days but I just don't know how long I should keep it up. It REALLY bothered me that she snuck a boyfriend behind my back. I just don't trust her now :-(

    Quoting pamelax3:

    I feel your pain! My dd is 15 and has done some of these very things! IMO it makes you a good and responsible parent, do not make the mistake I made by thinking after a few days of good behavior they learned their lesson.. Keep up the good work



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