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Funeral question?
by nb34
January 13, 2013 at 4:09 PM

My son's pre-shcool teacher lost her mother a few days ago. She is more than just a pre-school teacher, she also sometimes babysits for us. My sons really love her and we are almost friends but not close friends by any means. I did not know her Mom at all. They are holding a visitation on Monday and a service and funeral on Tuesday. Should I go to any of them? What is the norm? I was thinking to just go to the visitation with the older DS for a short while, but I really don't know what i should do. Any one knows about funeral etiquette?


  • Peanutx3
    January 13, 2013 at 4:44 PM

    I would talk to your son and see if he wants to go to show his respect.  If he wants to go then go if he doesn't then I would send a card and flowers.

  • UpSheRises
    January 13, 2013 at 4:44 PM
    I would attend the visitation.
  • Carmel63
    January 13, 2013 at 4:49 PM

    I would attend the wake.

  • nb34
    by nb34
    January 13, 2013 at 5:28 PM

    Well you make a good point. He has not been to a wake before. He can sit there calmly and respectfully, but I am not sure how he would react if there is an open casket. I am not sure if I want to expose him to that quite yet. The othere funerals were different in nature, and he didn't see the bodies.

    Quoting leavinglasvegas:

    If he's been to funerals before and seemed ok with it, then take him if you think he'll be fine. Not sure if this is more of a wake where the body is in full view - and if he hasn't had that experience, it might freak him out. I've been to hundreds of wakes and it's still odd to me.  I understand the history of the practice....still weird to be doing it now, but whatever makes people feel better.

  • OneToughMami
    January 13, 2013 at 5:30 PM

    Go. Pay your respects. Leave. It's not rude and I am sure that she will appreciate it if you go.

  • survivorinohio
    January 13, 2013 at 5:32 PM

    I would make an appearance at the visitation.

  • gcstar42
    January 13, 2013 at 5:41 PM

    I think just going to the visitation would be fine. Or if for some reason you can't go, I think it would even be acceptable to just send some flowers or something like that. I would not go to the funeral though if you did not even know her.

  • ILive4This
    January 13, 2013 at 5:46 PM

    I'd go to the wake, not the funeral, and I wouldn't bring any kids.  You're representing your family, and since the kids don't know the teacher's mother, I wouldn't put them through it.

  • ILive4This
    January 13, 2013 at 5:51 PM

    Since we're on the subject, I was wondering if anybody else has experienced this.  My son lost his best friend a couple weeks ago (24 yo :-( ).   They had the wake and funeral all in one day.  Wake from 10-2, funeral at 3, and then had all his friends to a dinner that evening.  I wondered if this was a new trend, b/c someone else I mentioned it to had been to something similar, recently.

  • SunFlower700
    January 13, 2013 at 6:38 PM


    Quoting leavinglasvegas:

    I'd go to the visitation to pay respects on Monday. I wouldn't take older DS unless he's old enough to understand exactly why he is there.

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