katy_kay08
WWYD...Playdates and guns
January 7, 2013 at 3:28 PM

This is purely hypothetical and is being posted for the sake of discussion and curiosity.  

I've often seen posts asking if parent's ask the parents of their children's friends if there are guns in the home before they let their children go over to the home.  

My question is to those that do own a gun, would you tell the parents of your children's friends if they were to ask you if you had guns in the home?  Would the question put you off and prevent you from having their child over to your home to play?   How far would you be willing to go to alleviate the concerns of the child's parents?  

Replies

  • shuss
    by shuss
    January 9, 2013 at 12:16 PM
    After sitting in a week long jury duty where a young boy was killed at the hands of a gun he was playing with, I'm not comfortable with my child being around guns. I looked at countless daunting evidence photos, listened to various character/crime witnesses and watched two parents and siblings cry their eyes out. The parents felt they had truly taught him to be safe around guns, they really felt he knew how dangerous guns were. I absolutely believe those parents taught their child everything they should about gun safety. However, he was still a kid. A kid who still had a lot of growing up to do. A kid whose brain still had years to finish developing. A kid who couldn't resist the temptation to play a bit...with a gun. Now those parents are without their child anymore.

    If you enjoy guns or feel you need them for protection, then by all means, have them as long as you are law abiding and sane. However, be safe about it, keep them away from children. Consider other people's children and a least lock them up when they are there. Someone might break into your home one day, but your children WILL behave like children no matter how good and responsible they are.

    I never want to be in that mothers place I watched in court. I know anything can happen, but I feel it is my obligation as a mother to never put something dangerous in my child's reach.
  • CMay2CK
    by CMay2CK
    January 9, 2013 at 12:18 PM

    I live in an area where owning a gun is not the norm.  We own five, a mix of hand guns and rifles.  They are all locked in a safe.  The ammo is stored elsewhere.  My kids know we own guns.  We let them see them when we are preparing to go to the range.  They also know they are not to touch them unless we are right there with them.  That said, would I trust my kids to never feel the urge to "show their friends?"  Absolutely not!!  I'm not so high on my own faublousness that I think my kids won't disobey me once in awhile.  That is why our guns are in a safe.  Just the mere thought of one of my kids shooting the other, or a friend, by mistake because of my stupidity is heart wrenching.  It is the parent's responsibility to make sure their guns are safely stored away from children and adults.  We all know there is no shortage of idiot adults in this world as well.  I do agree with some previous posts that "hoping" to never have an accident because "I have taught my children well" is on the verge of insane.  

    As for telling/asking about guns, I've never had anyone ask.  Yes, I would tell honestly.  I am not afraid of anyone knowing I own guns.  Many of my friends already know.  (Yep, I only said many, not all.  It's not a topic I just blurt out and say, but if it comes up I'm honest - so there goes the priorly stated theory that "If someone doesn't already know I own guns then I wouldn't want their children in my home anyway...")  

    Gun control is a hot issue, and always will be.  Just as there will always be both sides and heavily emotional opinions for and against.  I think it is sad when we call each other idiots for believing one way or the other.  The belief does not make one an idiot, now how they handle that belief may...

  • Saerise
    by Saerise
    January 9, 2013 at 12:35 PM

    We do, and yes, I would be honest with them about it. I couldn't blame them for asking, because there are some people who do not store their guns safely, and of course they are thinking of the safety of their child. I'd offer to show them how we store ours, and if they still didn't feel comfortable with their child being over here, then so be it. 

  • katy_kay08
    January 9, 2013 at 12:41 PM

    *blank stare*  


    Quoting dustinsmom1:

     I don't care what other people think of me. I'm honest to a fault. Not going to lie about my guns. they don't want their kid here, i could less honestly. If your kid cat follow rules and doesn't know what "no" means I don't want them at my house anyhow. I dont hide anything from anyone, but im not going to change how we live to accomadate you or your little "angels". (general you)

    Quoting katy_kay08:

    and how would the parent of the child you invited over know this?  It seems from the responses that many of the women here think they should be trusted until shown they can't be, the problem is that waiting until you (general) prove that you don't have your house and kids all that together could mean a child is dead.  Your (general) ego is not worth that risk.  

    Quoting dustinsmom1:

     My child has been taught properly, so there would be no "showing off'. As w/ any child that has been taught properly.

    Quoting katy_kay08:

    My child doesn't have to touch the gun to be shot by a your child showing off.  (general you)

    Quoting dustinsmom1:

     If your children are taught respect, and what "no" means, and that there are things and places that they aren't allowed to touch or be. This is never an issue. (referring to katykay)

    Quoting EireLass:

    Same thing applies. Nobody belongs in my bedroom but my husband and I.

    Quoting katy_kay08:

     


     


     


  • katy_kay08
    January 9, 2013 at 12:49 PM

    you have been asked how a parent would know your home is safe and your answer is "I don't care if they know it or not, if they don't like my attitude their kid isn't welcome here".  Instead of having a rational discussion with answers and understanding you present blow hard ego.   The hypothetical assumes that you have extended an invitation for one of your children's friends/classmates to come play.   

    As for the last, I have accepted invitations for my son to go play with a friend without knowing the parents well.  The first couple were done with each mom staying for the time they played together, subsequent play dates have occurred without us there. 

    It's safe to assume, I would not accept an invitiation for our children to play together just as you would not extend one.  So really this is one of those areas where we actually agree, your house is not a place for my child.  


    Quoting dustinsmom1:

     Show me where anyone has said that??

    Do you let your child go to peoples houses that yu dont knw?? ase I sure dont. And I dont want  kids here whose prents I dont know. Im not asking for anything from anyone! 

    Quoting katy_kay08:

    I know.  I just find it strange that so many here think everyone should give them trust they haven't earned.  

    Quoting AutymsMommy:

    That's why I have no problem with them asking :)

    Questions are good. At least, that's how we raise our children. There is no such thing as a stupid question. This is no different.

    Quoting katy_kay08:


     


  • dustinsmom1
    January 9, 2013 at 1:22 PM

    Dead wrong, I NEVER said I didnt care if they knew or not. This is my original statment:

    "Of course, if they asked I would tell them. My guns remain where they are at all times, I'm not changing my life to accommodate your child. If your kid doesn't know what "no" means or "don't touch" I don't want them in my house anyhow.

    I see no point in owning guns for protection if they are not easily accessible if needed."

    You seem to want to put words in my mouth that were simply never there.  Should anyone ever ask me about my guns and I would happily tell them about them. I said that,numerous times, yet you seem to have a need to turn my statement into something very, very different. Not surprising though, considering.

    Quoting katy_kay08:

    you have been asked how a parent would know your home is safe and your answer is "I don't care if they know it or not, if they don't like my attitude their kid isn't welcome here".  Instead of having a rational discussion with answers and understanding you present blow hard ego.   The hypothetical assumes that you have extended an invitation for one of your children's friends/classmates to come play.   

    As for the last, I have accepted invitations for my son to go play with a friend without knowing the parents well.  The first couple were done with each mom staying for the time they played together, subsequent play dates have occurred without us there. 

    It's safe to assume, I would not accept an invitiation for our children to play together just as you would not extend one.  So really this is one of those areas where we actually agree, your house is not a place for my child.  

     

    Quoting dustinsmom1:

     Show me where anyone has said that??

    Do you let your child go to peoples houses that yu dont knw?? ase I sure dont. And I dont want  kids here whose prents I dont know. Im not asking for anything from anyone! 

    Quoting katy_kay08:

    I know.  I just find it strange that so many here think everyone should give them trust they haven't earned.  

    Quoting AutymsMommy:

    That's why I have no problem with them asking :)

    Questions are good. At least, that's how we raise our children. There is no such thing as a stupid question. This is no different.

    Quoting katy_kay08:


     


     

  • EireLass
    January 9, 2013 at 4:42 PM

    Given the layout of my house, I'd have to wonder why they were headed in that direction. There's nothing else but my bedroom in that direction. Being basically untrusting, and very aware of kids behaviours, I would be watching any kid in my house to make sure they're where they should be, or shouldn't be.

    My kids would find it very odd if one of their friends said "let's go in my mom's bedroom".

    I was always big on rules, boundaries, etc. I'm that crazy lady in the store that tells your kid to knock it off.

    Quoting katy_kay08:

    that may be your rule but that doesn't mean everyone has the same rules or everyone's children are prone to follow them.  It also doesn't mean the parent's of the child you invited over would know these are rules you have in your home.  

    Quoting EireLass:

    Same thing applies. Nobody belongs in my bedroom but my husband and I.

    Quoting katy_kay08:

    my concern isn't about the my children wandering but rather the child that lives there showing off.  This is far more likely than the strange kid peeking in your closests.  

    Quoting EireLass:

    This is actually what I've been thinking about when I read about people NOT allowing kids to go into gun-homes. What kind of kids do these people have that the kids have the right to wander all over the place where they don't belong? Nobody belongs in my bedroom but myself and my husband. Don't people teach their children manners? And the woman about the dogs...if you don't put your dog away, the kid can't come over. How about you teach your child they are NOT to touch a service dog? This is part of what's wrong.....people think their children are angels and do no wrong. So really the choice is you (general) teach your little kid manners, or I do.

    Quoting dustinsmom1:

    They are out of reach from small hands and children are not left unattended in our home. There is little or no chance of a child getting their hands on a gun, even if they got close my son would tell them not to and come get me or his father immediately if we were not right there. We know where the children are in our home at all times. And no matter the situation, my answer would not change. Children who don't follow rules are not allowed in my home.

    Quoting hismommy2010:

     It's not just about them not wanting their child in your home if you own a gun. So you are saying your guns are within easy reach - so what if that child that came over grabbed that gun and killed your child? Bet that would change your answer

    Quoting dustinsmom1:

     Of course, if they asked I would tell them. My guns remain where they are at all times, I'm not changing my life to accommodate your child. If your kid doesn't know what "no" means or "don't touch" I don't want them in my house anyhow.I see no point in owning guns for protection if they are not easily accessible if needed.

  • cmoorec
    by cmoorec
    January 9, 2013 at 4:47 PM

    I'm probably not the first to point this out, but I don't have time to go through 376 replies, so I'll just say it: if you think you're going to leave your child and a visiting playmate unattended long enough for them to get into that kind of trouble, then maybe you shouldn't be having little friends over to visit. In addition to teaching your children about real danger, if you think a playmate is a substitute for supervision, then you could be guilty of irresponsible gun ownership. You never know when the playmate is going to be the one who can't resist playing with guns, because they don't have them in their home, nor have they been taught how to regard this danger.

    Of course, I'd be honest, if asked, but I was one of those moms who wouldn't let my son play in homes where there were guns or with kids who played with toy guns (I actually made them lay their toy guns on the property line before they could come over and play and I was probably considered the local nuttty mom). When my son was 10, we moved into a household with guns, but by then he understood and feared guns. Then one day, when he was maybe 12,  we went target shooting and he found that he was fascinated by the power he felt with a gun in his hands.  He had the intellectual capacity to understand what was happening and we never went target shooting again. Needless to say, he had a practical understanding of guns and no interest in "playing" with them. You do whatever you can to impress your child with the realities of danger.

  • EireLass
    January 9, 2013 at 4:47 PM

    Now most of them are adults, and they don't even go into my bedroom or bathroom unless they ask if they can go get something or use the bathroom in there. Just as when they come to visit, I do not go into the bedroom they're using unless they call me in there.

    Quoting dustinsmom1:

     If your children are taght respect, and what "no" means, and that there are things and places that they arent allowed to touch or be. This is never an issue. (referring to katykay)

    Quoting EireLass:

    Same thing applies. Nobody belongs in my bedroom but my husband and I.

    Quoting katy_kay08:

    my concern isn't about the my children wandering but rather the child that lives there showing off.  This is far more likely than the strange kid peeking in your closests.  

    Quoting EireLass:

    This is actually what I've been thinking about when I read about people NOT allowing kids to go into gun-homes. What kind of kids do these people have that the kids have the right to wander all over the place where they don't belong? Nobody belongs in my bedroom but myself and my husband. Don't people teach their children manners? And the woman about the dogs...if you don't put your dog away, the kid can't come over. How about you teach your child they are NOT to touch a service dog? This is part of what's wrong.....people think their children are angels and do no wrong. So really the choice is you (general) teach your little kid manners, or I do.

    Quoting dustinsmom1:

    They are out of reach from small hands and children are not left unattended in our home. There is little or no chance of a child getting their hands on a gun, even if they got close my son would tell them not to and come get me or his father immediately if we were not right there. We know where the children are in our home at all times. And no matter the situation, my answer would not change. Children who don't follow rules are not allowed in my home.

    Quoting hismommy2010:

     It's not just about them not wanting their child in your home if you own a gun. So you are saying your guns are within easy reach - so what if that child that came over grabbed that gun and killed your child? Bet that would change your answer

    Quoting dustinsmom1:

     Of course, if they asked I would tell them. My guns remain where they are at all times, I'm not changing my life to accommodate your child. If your kid doesn't know what "no" means or "don't touch" I don't want them in my house anyhow.I see no point in owning guns for protection if they are not easily accessible if needed.


  • EireLass
    January 9, 2013 at 4:54 PM

    We train dogs. In most fashions. Personal protection is one. It's really wild and really fun (that scary kind of fun). And typically only one person can call the dog off. But it's also trained to 'protect' (don't like to use the word attack) with one command. Her dogs are not trained. There is a huge disaster waiting to happen. I've had to shoot a Rottie before because it was like hers. The police will not back her up saying "we told her to get these dogs". They're not putting their jobs on the line for a dog.

    Quoting dustinsmom1:

     Yep, was just thinking that. Think it varies by breed and state, but shepards ad rotts and dogs of that nature are almost upposed to be claimed.

    Quoting EireLass:

    Does your insurance company know about the dogs? Huge liability.

    Quoting Amandatoo:

    As I stated above, I don't own any guns....I own Dogs!! :) 4, a 100+ lb German Shepherd, a 60 Rottweiler who does not like people and 2 Border Collies. When we had douchebag neighbor jump our 6 ft privacy fence in 2008 we asked the police what we could about this he said get a Watch Dog. :) We rarely let people inside our house (mainly Craigslist Deals if anyone comes in our house) but when we do I make it perfectly clear that we own 2llarge dogs so they might not want to try anything. I usually have the dogs inside so they can see these dogs aren't people friendly.