I know four women in their 30's who got pregnant and married the baby's father. These women didn't get married because they were in 'love', but because she wanted to legitimize her child. Two of those women are seperated and divorcing. The other two are miserable in their marriages.
Why do women/men feel the need to legitimize their children with marriage?
So, do some of you think there is no way a person can be happy and have needs met if they wait until married to have sex? I am going to confess that I waited until marriage at 36 to have sex and now at 46 I haven't had sex since I left my abusive husband about 2 years after we married. Is my life awful without sex ? NO!!!!! I am glad I divorced the abuser. A couple being together for the sake of children is not always best. My son is better off now without his father and so am I.
What I want to know is why they got pregnant in the first place. Why would an intelligent person choose someone they did not find suitable, to be a father to their child? Perhaps intelligent is the operative word here. This type of thoughtlessness is the fast track to a life of poverty for both the mother and the child/children. Two parents can better support children than one, both financially and in other ways.
I have to agree, I can't think of a worse reason to get married. My mother's boyfriend's son got a girl pregnant at 19 and felt obligated to marry her. He can barely stand to be in the same room as the girl anymore but they are forcing themselves into a lifelong commitment, it is a serious mistake!
I found out that I was pregnant a few days before mine and my boyfriend's (now my husband) 1st anniversary. He proposed to me when I was a few months pregnant, and I actually told him NO. Not because I didn't love him, and not because I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I said no because I knew the only reason he was proposing to me at that time was because I was pregnant. So I told him that I loved him and I didn't want to brake up, I wanted to stay with him and keep things the way they were (we had already been living together for about 7 months at that point). I just didn't want to live wondering if he married me for me, or to do the "good guy" thing. So I told him to hold on to the ring, and wait awhile. And if in a year or so, if he still wanted to marry me to propose again. He only waited till our daughter was 2 months old, but even then we had a really long 2 and a half year long engagement.
I was 23 and unmarried when i got pregnant. yes i married the babys father 2 months later. we were planning on getting married... i just wanted to experience life a bit more as an independent woman. That was shot down when the stick said "pregnant!" We loved and still do love each other. we had another "oopsie!! suprise!!" baby 2 yrs and 10 days after the first was born. Our son just turned 4 and our daughter turned 2 today. we still love each other. we have our rough patches but nothing that would make us leave the other. we went into this knowing we would make it work. we didn't want to put our kids through a divorce and all the crap that comes with it.
Now I'm sorry for your friends/aquaintances that it didn't work for them but if the loves not there you are better off not getting married to begin with. that was their mistake. I have a friend who got pregnant along with me, she decided the father was useless and he has proven this, the kid doesn't know his dad and probably never will because he wants nothing to do with the little munchkin. it's sad for your friends but it happens that ppl do love each other and decide to push up the date of their wedding (like i did).
Well my boyfriend and i are both 20 and we have a 7 month old daughter together. We talked about going to the courthouse to get married when i was pregnant because i wanted to have the same last name as my child but in the end i decided it was not the right time. Im so happy with that decision. We are still together and just picked out my engagement ring yesterday but we have had to go through a lot and he had to grow up and step up before i would even consider marrying him. I didnt want to jump into a marriage bound for divorce. I have been chastised for being an unmarried mother but people just need to get with the times and realize not everyone chooses the same lifestyle. Do whats good for you and not worry about what anyone else thinks!