futureshock
Is choosing to be a stay at home mom just a bad idea? Is it too risky?
October 8, 2012 at 12:33 PM

I am talking about what happens in the case of divorce/break up (or death/disability).  Many women who choose to become stay at home mothers, even if they have a college education and job experience, are going to have a difficult time getting back on their feet financially.  It is one thing to be married to a man with a decent income because in that case a woman may get enough child support plus alimony plus half of everything else to live comfortably, but that depends upon the length of the marriage and other factors, etc.  However, so many women are living UNMARRIED with their children's fathers and some with men who are not related to their children and they will get absolutely NOTHING for themselves once that relationship ends. 

Is it just too risky?

Replies

  • avesmom06
    October 12, 2012 at 7:42 PM
    [quote name="Tea4Tas" id="0"][/quote
    You are just a sad person that has nothing better to do than try and put other people down, you are the worst kind of religious person there is. If you have nothing better to do than out down someone else's life I feel sorry for you. And if my HUSBAND has A will that states I am the one he wants to make descions for him if he can't then they will go by what he wants. They aren't doing to disregaurd his feelings. So again I tell you do not worry about my life, we will be just fine worry about your life and making your family and poor husband and kids happy. Or maybe your not that's why you have to try and slam mine. Again I tell you, you do not know me (thank god) and you do not know my life so go live your judge mental self elsewhere. You want talk about 10 commandments how about thou shall not be a bitch! Maybe you ought to live your life thy way. I feel bad for you. You are probably just a sad miserable person that nothing better to do than put down others just because you don't agree with what they do. I am not some kid that doesn't know what I am doing. I am a grown adult that knows how to make my own descions. And to make descions for my Husband if need be. Good luck in your life. And leave mine alone.
  • LoriKeet
    October 12, 2012 at 7:54 PM

    IF you can't stand on your own two feet and support yourself and your offspring (without government subsidies) should your relation ship fizzle out, then YES, it's a risky move, but unfortunately, it's a move that far too many women continue to make these days, when they don't have to!!

    Just my humble opinion.

  • Raintree
    October 12, 2012 at 8:05 PM

    Exactly! Life IS risk. All of it.

    Oh! OP! Here's another one I thought about while cooking dinner tonight:

    WHAT IF I went back to work (which would mean sending my kids on the bus to a school they dislike) tomorrow- and on the way there a McNeilus cement truck drove into the driver side of my vehicle, going say.. 50 miles an hour?

    Would you feel bad?

    Quoting GLWerth:

    I've had the same feeling.

    It's as if one should never even consider being an at-home mom because of what might happen.

    Oh, I know! What if your spouse goes to prison for a crime he didn't commit and then escapes and goes on the lam, helping others as he journeys across the country trying to find the one armed man? What then?

    Life is risk. If you've never made a risky move in your life, you're not living.

    Quoting Raintree:

    Thank you. This thread was a constant 'head::desk' for me until I got to this post.

    What if you and your husband choose to live a life that requires two incomes, and then one of you loses your job?

    What if you're injured?

    What if your child gets sick and you're threatened with losing your job if you stay in hospice with your child?

    What if what if what if.

    Yeah boy. Fun game there.

    UGH. I am getting a little tired of being told how risky I am.

    Quoting LindaClement:

    What happens if you work all the time and your whole industry collapses? (Like 'you make buggy whips' or whatever)...

    What if you have a child who is needier than average, who would be best-served by having mom close at all times for the first 10 years of life to be able to 'launch' as an adult at approximately the 'right' time in life, instead of struggling and suffering, ending up a basement troll until they're 40?

    What if the job requires you to move or emigrate to keep, and your family doesn't want to go?

    'What happens if' is a game that is never-ending, and without sense or reason. It sells a lot of insurance, but it doesn't predict the future very well.




  • Raintree
    October 12, 2012 at 8:06 PM

    Yeah! Stupid fucking June Cleaver!

    eye rolling

    Quoting LoriKeet:

    IF you can't stand on your own two feet and support yourself and your offspring (without government subsidies) should your relation ship fizzle out, then YES, it's a risky move, but unfortunately, it's a move that far too many women continue to make these days, when they don't have to!!

    Just my humble opinion.


  • Raintree
    October 12, 2012 at 8:08 PM

    Oo! Oo!

    What IF I got a job that was opposite hours of my husbands job- we stopped seeing each other, and then I met another man there?? What IF?

  • LoriKeet
    October 12, 2012 at 8:17 PM

    I'm perfectly capable of (and did) live quite comfortably on my own BEFORE I met my now husband and had children, and I can even vacuum in pearls!! LOL 

    I am not comparing the 1950's housewife to housewives of today!  Today's housewives have/had endless options available to them PRIOR to their becoming SAHMs.  Your choice to forfeit or delay said opportunities in favor of being saddled with kids, no husband/partner or steady child support, is not anyone's fault except your own.

    Quoting Raintree:

    Yeah! Stupid fucking June Cleaver!

    eye rolling

    Quoting LoriKeet:

    IF you can't stand on your own two feet and support yourself and your offspring (without government subsidies) should your relation ship fizzle out, then YES, it's a risky move, but unfortunately, it's a move that far too many women continue to make these days, when they don't have to!!

    Just my humble opinion.



  • Rhiannon1980
    October 12, 2012 at 8:20 PM
    I have money set aside to live for 1 year if dh and I where to divorce. I also have my own bank account, he has his and we have a joint account.
  • LindaClement
    October 12, 2012 at 10:44 PM

    You're welcome!

    Worry is just panic on a longer schedule (as my mom's current email sigline says...)

    I am so much a 'live right now' person that seeing people spend all their time try to outmaneouver 'what if' makes me want to have a nap...

    Quoting Raintree:

    Thank you. This thread was a constant 'head::desk' for me until I got to this post.

    What if you and your husband choose to live a life that requires two incomes, and then one of you loses your job?

    What if you're injured?

    What if your child gets sick and you're threatened with losing your job if you stay in hospice with your child?

    What if what if what if.

    Yeah boy. Fun game there.

    UGH. I am getting a little tired of being told how risky I am.

    Quoting LindaClement:

    What happens if you work all the time and your whole industry collapses? (Like 'you make buggy whips' or whatever)...

    What if you have a child who is needier than average, who would be best-served by having mom close at all times for the first 10 years of life to be able to 'launch' as an adult at approximately the 'right' time in life, instead of struggling and suffering, ending up a basement troll until they're 40?

    What if the job requires you to move or emigrate to keep, and your family doesn't want to go?

    'What happens if' is a game that is never-ending, and without sense or reason. It sells a lot of insurance, but it doesn't predict the future very well.



  • GLWerth
    by GLWerth
    October 12, 2012 at 10:49 PM

    This thread has my beloved worried. He wants to know why on earth I'd be worried that he'd leave me! LOL.

    He's just afraid I'd leave the Loud Boys with him. :)

    (Kidding, he's my best friend and neither of us could function without the other any more.)

  • butterflycircle
    October 13, 2012 at 11:21 AM

    Cannot blame God. I don't know what the future holds for myself and my family. my mom was a sahm before my dad left her, it wasn't easy at all, we had our heat and electricity shut off a few times and we always had something in the cuboard even if it was just a  can of soup or 2, but she did it. No matter how little you have or think you have it is important to be thankful and to be content. You can strive and have goals but being content where you are at the time is important too. It is not always easy but you it is not impossible. 

    Quoting futureshock:


    Quoting butterflycircle:

    I am a sahm my husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 yrs. Through that time we have together bought  a house and two cars. I have a degree but am not using it. We don't believe in devorce and we strongly believe in God. I worried about this a lot before we were married when I had my baby at 17 which is why I got my GED and my degree. If we did get a divorce or something happened to him we/i would be in a hard spot. We have 3 children to think about and I don't have job experience, but I just remain faithful that God will provide and we will be ok. We don't have a lot now, but we have what we need always.

    What does this say about women for whom God did not provide?  Does he just not like them?

    but I just remain faithful that God will provide and we will be ok.