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jtcarter14
How much help do you get from your partner (if applicable)?
September 16, 2013 at 12:55 PM

Hi. I'm new here. I have four kids, 2, 4, 11, and 12.

My husband works full time, and I stay home. All four kids are in school, at least until 2:30. To complicate things, I have some chronic conditions that I try my best not to let get in the way of daily life (but they do).

Anyhow, I am wondering what do you think is reasonable to ask for help with, particularly with the kids?

How much help do you get? With what things is particular?

It's not so much that he's not willing, but I have an internal struggle asking him for help and often feel guilty, like I should be able to handle it all.

Come to think of it, when I've taken the kids on a trip without him, it was a lot of work, but is was actually freeing because of the lack of emotional turmoil.

Thnk you!

Replies

  • JennasMom2
    September 16, 2013 at 1:29 PM

    Even if your husband works full-time he should still be helping with the kids. I'm a SAHM also. I expect my husband to give me a break in the evening, even though, like you, I always feel guilty. Usually because he comes home tired and stressed so I feel like he just needs a mental break. What needs to be remembered though, is they are his kids just as much as they are yours, just as much the responsibility. I'm unsure of the extent of your conditions, but, I'd say if you are feeling overwhelmed, you should def. ask for help and not feel a bit of guilt regardless of the number of hours you've had them on your own. Also, maybe try to accomplish as much as you can while the kids are in school to help alleviate the stress once they get home? 

  • mjimaging
    September 16, 2013 at 1:43 PM
    We both work full time. We have a 13 yo and a 4 yo and one on the way. Whoever gets home first, cooks. Sometimes DD (13) cooks. DH does the dishes and does bedtime routine with DS (4). Other things its more if you see it you do it. He does do laundry and cleaning too. He's a better wife then me. He is more focused when it comes to cleaning. I get distracted too easy.
  • cocoroo
    by cocoroo
    September 16, 2013 at 3:09 PM

    My dh is their parent also.  He is in the military, so he is gone often.  My dh is more than willing to help with any and everything when he is home.

  • valrubio
    September 16, 2013 at 3:14 PM

    My DH works full time and I work part time and go to school. We are expecting our 8th child and our oldest is only 10. My DH is a huge help. I do most of the cleaning but he cooks most of the dinners and is super helpful with the kids. If I need him to, he is more than willing to help with dishes or anything. He is an amazing man.

  • Jinxed8
    by Jinxed8
    September 16, 2013 at 4:18 PM

    you know what ?  it costs nothing to ask , the worst that can happen is that he'll say no.  Maybe since you never ask, he doesn't think you need his help.  

  • hopealways4019
    September 16, 2013 at 4:41 PM
    I had 5 kids , 4 now. I been a single mother for 20 yrs. My kids fathers are assholes. I love my children, motherhood can be challenging at times, but i will sacrificed for my children. I love being a mother!
  • hopealways4019
    September 16, 2013 at 4:43 PM
    8 kids! Under 10! Mamma bless your heart! Im tired just thinking about 8 kids under 10.


    Quoting valrubio:

    My DH works full time and I work part time and go to school. We are expecting our 8th child and our oldest is only 10. My DH is a huge help. I do most of the cleaning but he cooks most of the dinners and is super helpful with the kids. If I need him to, he is more than willing to help with dishes or anything. He is an amazing man.


  • jackiewal10
    September 16, 2013 at 4:44 PM

    DH helps with EVERYTHING.  Literally.  There are days that he does more than I do.  He cooks, he cleans, he bathes the kids, he puts kids to bed, he goes grocery shopping. I don't have to say anything.  He just does it.  Obviously, I also do all those things, but there are days when I just don't.

  • outtamymynd
    September 16, 2013 at 4:46 PM
    This.

    Quoting cocoroo:

    My dh is their parent also.  He is in the military, so he is gone often.  My dh is more than willing to help with any and everything when he is home.

  • slgilliam
    September 16, 2013 at 7:24 PM

    Me too! And I also work full time during the week.

    Quoting outtamymynd:

    This.

    Quoting cocoroo:

    My dh is their parent also.  He is in the military, so he is gone often.  My dh is more than willing to help with any and everything when he is home.


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