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Collier3
He doesn't want a second child....
July 5, 2012 at 11:17 AM

My SO and I have been together for 4 and 1/2 years and we have a 2 and 1/2 year old DD. We are getting married in 3 weeks. We have been talking about having another child for a year now. We have moved to another state so he could take a better job (we just moved about 3 months ago). Lastnight he told me that he has decided that he does not want anymore children. I am devestated! I have always wanted at least two children. We have talked about names and even started looking for a bigger home. And now he says no. I feel like he is being unfair. I moved for him, we have no family or friends here. I will even have to changes careers to able to find work  where we are now. I have given up so much already and I feel like I should not have to give up this.

I feel that if i marry him that I would be sealing that fate and I would end up hating him. I am very confused about everything now.

Replies

  • amy1763
    by amy1763
    July 5, 2012 at 11:21 AM
    You definately owe it to him and yourself to sit down and talk this one over. Dont give up on YOUR dream.
  • jillbailey26
    July 5, 2012 at 11:25 AM

    You've had a lot of changes recently and if you get married, that's more changes to come.  Let things settle down a little bit.  Talk to him more.  If this is a deal breaker for you, let him know that.  If you love him more than you love the idea of a second child, then stay with him, get married and enjoy your life together with the one child you do have.

  • she_walk_softly
    July 5, 2012 at 11:32 AM
    IMO
    It is strange, women have to carry an give birth an do most of the raising.If you are willing t go through it he should be ok with it.Talk to him and see why he would not want more kids.Or just get pregnant .
    yes I know some ladies are going to hate this reply.
  • Collier3
    July 5, 2012 at 11:43 AM

    Like alot of people who have struggled the last few years with the economy, we have also. two jobs and to relocations in two years. We are finally stable and in a longterm place. He says that another child is expensive and that he wants to start traveling again, like we use to. He says that another child will keep us from doing that. But I never said iIwanted to travel. He also says that another child would stress him to badly. Funny since I am the one that cares for her 95% of the time. 

    He would never forgive me if I did that and I don't think i could do that to him. I want him to want the child.

    Quoting she_walk_softly:

    IMO
    It is strange, women have to carry an give birth an do most of the raising.If you are willing t go through it he should be ok with it.Talk to him and see why he would not want more kids.Or just get pregnant .
    yes I know some ladies are going to hate this reply.


  • viv212
    by viv212
    July 5, 2012 at 12:08 PM
    My words are brutal and honest. Maybe he's not sure he wants kids anymore. You know how guys are, too.... if you don't bug for it, they'll give it to you. Putting pressure on him might not help the situation.
  • she_walk_softly
    July 5, 2012 at 12:12 PM
    Well those are pretty good reasons.
    I would plan for a couple of years from now,then the settled feeling will be there more.My kids are 10years apart and yes I waited too long to have the second lol.I thought I only wanted one...then he started Jr high. :)
    My husband travels around the world for work and if it is somewhere we want to go, me and the kids go.It gives them a better understanding of the world.


    Quoting Collier3:

    Like alot of people who have struggled the last few years with the economy, we have also. two jobs and to relocations in two years. We are finally stable and in a longterm place. He says that another child is expensive and that he wants to start traveling again, like we use to. He says that another child will keep us from doing that. But I never said iIwanted to travel. He also says that another child would stress him to badly. Funny since I am the one that cares for her 95% of the time. 


    He would never forgive me if I did that and I don't think i could do that to him. I want him to want the child.


    Quoting she_walk_softly:

    IMO
    It is strange, women have to carry an give birth an do most of the raising.If you are willing t go through it he should be ok with it.Talk to him and see why he would not want more kids.Or just get pregnant .
    yes I know some ladies are going to hate this reply.



  • Kris_PBG
    July 5, 2012 at 1:14 PM
    I think it is time to have a serious sit down talk. This is an issue you need to get in the same page on prior to marriage.
  • Cpdsptchgrl
    July 5, 2012 at 1:18 PM
    He obviously feels like he doesn't want one. It is better to find that out now. You guys need a serious sit down and if neither one of your stances change then I don't know if it's wise to go thru with the marriage. I know you are disappointed mama, but if he's serious about not wanting another and you marry him 1 of 2 things is going to happen. Either you will resent him for stifling your desire for more babies, or he will cave and agree to it and then resent you for the child he didn't want. Neither scenario is good for any of you.
  • RavenDravenF
    July 5, 2012 at 1:21 PM
    Just talk to him and tell him how you feel.
  • erika9009
    July 5, 2012 at 1:22 PM


    Quoting viv212:

    My words are brutal and honest. Maybe he's not sure he wants kids anymore. You know how guys are, too.... if you don't bug for it, they'll give it to you. Putting pressure on him might not help the situation.

    My BIL kind of went through this.  It really got to my sister.  One thing that totally stood out was how she treated him after the baby was born.  He said he felt left out of the family in a way.  My sis did the mom thing, but kind of neglected the wife thing.

    Sometimes we need to remember that we take care of the family.  That includes our husbands.

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