Autism / Asperger's / PDD Support

Group home?
July 14, 2013 at 2:57 AM

 As you all know that ds is almost 15, and very aggressive. I also have to take care of my mom with Alzehiemers, my dad with chronic kidney disease and high blood pressure, and my health is going downhill. Me, my mom and dad all use the same family doctor, and it was put to us on Wednesday that we had to put him somewhere. (Usually they just say get him some help. Which we already do.) And when I picked him up from camp on Friday the Psychologist there strongly suggested a group home. He is an only child and only grandchild. How do we let him go? How do we even start the process? When I went in to the meeting on Friday with camp Psych, she seen all the bruises, (which he had told her during the day about fighting with me. He blames it on his step-dad who is in a nursing home), she said that it was considered domestic violence, and was required to report it. What do I do? Yes he is very abusive and controlling, but he is all I have?


  • nancylynn
    July 15, 2013 at 11:47 AM

    I am so sorry to hear this.  I guess I would ask the Psychologist about how to start looking into group homes.  It may be time for a change if he is abusive and controlling.  He may need to try living with others to learn better how to live in a more healthy way.  It also sounds like you may need a break from him, even if just for a temporary time period.  ((hugs))

  • Jenibob
    by Jenibob
    July 15, 2013 at 8:45 PM

    The Psychologist that made the recommendation should also give you resources on how to start the process if that is what is best for your family.  If it was reported, I'm guessing child protective services or dept. of jobs and family services?? A caseworker from that agency should also be able to point you to the proper resources. So sorry your family is going through this.

    by SAMI_JO
    July 15, 2013 at 9:48 PM
    Yes she is getting the process information together and will have it to me by the end of the week. My heart is already breaking knowing that they are going to take him away.
  • Eve-marie
    July 16, 2013 at 7:38 AM

    You tell yourself it is for your own good and it is best for him. He will be safe, well looked after, and taught how to live with others. You will be spared the abuse and the anxiety that comes with it, and be better able to look after your ailing patients. If all goes well your son may be returned to you as an assistant and companion. He is big and if he gets really angry he could hurt you bad or kill you. My son at 11 was 120 lbs and he hurt me every chance he got. He hit me with wooden objects, slapped me in my back so hard it knocked me down and I had palpitations the rest of the day. He stabbed me in my ear with hair pins and pencils. I had to hide knives and screwdrivers, and make him go down the stairs before me. I had panic attacks multiple times a day and lost weight. That is no way to live. Forget for a minute he is your son. If your boyfriend was treating you the way your son is, wouldn't you tell him to get out? Wouldn't you leave him? Do something now, before someone else reports it and he gets processed like a regular abusive husband. That would be bad for him. So let him go to the group home. You can visit and your lives will both be improved. Good luck, momma.

  • Alynn74
    by Alynn74
    July 16, 2013 at 12:35 PM

     Although I know this is a very hard time, I think you need to look at things in a different way. Your home has turned into an unsafe place for all of you. The care and help that your son needs are beyond your ability at this time. You are not losing your son. You are not giving away your son. They are not taking your son away from you. You are all working TOGETHER to do what is best for your son at this time.

     I think it's really important for your own mental health that you look at this as positively as you can. I'm sure that is hard and I'm sure that if I were in your place-I would also have a problem coming to terms with it.  Maybe see a counselor if you aren't already to help you work through your feelings as the process goes on will help.

     I really am sorry that you are going through this. I will pray for you and your family.

    Quoting SAMI_JO:

    Yes she is getting the process information together and will have it to me by the end of the week. My heart is already breaking knowing that they are going to take him away.


  • MuseCBS
    by MuseCBS
    July 16, 2013 at 6:00 PM

    we toyed with this but not due to abuse between our daughter and us but due to her behavior towards her siblings, we always talk about how we will do everything first to keep her out, I am not sure I could let go either to send them.  It's hard to send 'your baby' away to a home to help him, I guess you have faith that the group home will help him.  Ask to visit the group home, maybe get references to see if other people like it, worse comes to worse you bring him home if it doesn't work, but you would get a small break in the meantime.

    by SAMI_JO
    July 16, 2013 at 7:51 PM

     Thank you all for your support and prayers. I am trying my best to make it sink in to turn to your faith before violence, but aggression prevails most of the time. The not knowing when, where, or what is the hardest. I may could prepare myself if they told me first where he is going, then what is going to happen, and exactly where is he going to be. Please continue to pray for me and my dad, we are really having a time dealing with this, and my mom I am not sure how she will react. Yesterday she told him she was going to celebrate when they take him away. But I hope she will miss him too. When he was inpatient it didn't bother her at all, and this is before she got real sick. Just pray for all of us.

  • MuseCBS
    by MuseCBS
    July 16, 2013 at 8:12 PM

    good luck

  • Meritangel
    July 17, 2013 at 1:33 PM

    Hi Sami,

    I'm sorry to hear you are going through this.  I don't know what I would do if I was in  your situation, but I know aggression would be very hard for me to tolerate.  See this as an opportunity to let your son grow and mature.  He mind also find that he appreciates his family more with some time away.

    by SAMI_JO
    July 17, 2013 at 7:37 PM

     Thank you for your concern. It has been really rough lately, and I am so worried and stressed. I am scared out of my skin that he is going to hate me and not ever want to see me again. I would lay down my life for him, but he just don't realize what is at stake.  ;(

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