My son is an Aspie. He turned 16 yesterday. He has absolutely every opportunity to help himself - two supportive parents who encourage & help him with school work, he sees a therapist weekly, he has a tutor for his weakest subject (geometry), he goes to social skills group weekly, he has an older brother who tries to encourage him, he has a loving extended family, and he has our support for his passion (VEX Robotics). We drive him and school teammates to competitions hours away. Yet, he still seems so angry most of the time.
This is his first year in public school and it is a large high school. We've been proactive in making sure hew has appropriate accommodations etc... This past first semester he did okay until exams and then failed 3 out of 7. We found out he wasn't doing the review packets, turning in assignments,etc...In order to make sure he has a more successful semester, we all decided that we, as his parents, will stay on top of assignments and check them daily. He agreed to this when he was upset over first semester grades. Now he gets angry when we ask to see his work. He curses at us, threatens us, etc... It makes me want to just give up! He just increased his dosage of Wellbutrin in hopes of making him more mellow. Either he didn't take his meds like he said he did or it's not working!
Yesterday he turned 16. We drove 2 hours to take him and a friend to join his school for a robotics competition which lasts all day. Today we had said he could get his phone upgraded. My husband was dressed ready to go to the mall and asked my son to show him his homework before they left. My son went nuts and refused. We said okay, no mall. after an hour or so he says, "okay, I'll show you." His Spanish packet was only partially done. Of course, the teacher doesn't have her assignments posted so we don't know if he is telling the truth that she said they only had to do the first 3 pages or not. We suggested he complete the entire packet - why not, it is probably due tomorrow and what's wrong wiht getting ahead if it's not? He did complete the whole packet but is pouting and refuses to come out of his room. We say "we love you and aren't giving up." He yells back, "I hate you."
He says things to me like "I wish you were dead." "I'm going to kill you." I've talked to his therapist psychiatrist about these awful comments. They aren't overly concerned. It's killing my husband and me. The stress is almost intolerable. How can we get him to be more positive and see the opportunities he has? Is this typical teen behavior? (My older son wasn't like this.) Is it the Asperger's? Or is he just a negative and mean person?
by SamMom912February 3 at 2:27 PM
First, HUGS mom.. I can only imagine. My guy is 6.. but I dont think we are sitting that far apart. I too do a lot for my son only to have him not 'appreciate" or "get" the effort.. but again my guy is 6 so I am HOPING he will get it.
You know the lash outs are only words. You know they dont mean anything and of course your son loves you. But, yes, he sounds angry and feeling alone and unsupported. Im not saying you dont support him. Im just saying i think that is how he feels. Teen is tough. He is separating and clinging all at the same time. Aspies are hard. They "feel" their differences. Suffer from alienation and depression.
Can I suggest that at night (you or hubby) 5-10 minutes when your son is going to bed to just sit with him. Talk about his day. In those moments; when there is no pressure to do homework or anything else... ; just try to connect and reach out. He may surprise you telling you some of his struggles.
Try to tell him stories of when you were his age... fitting in, getting in trouble, separation stuff with your parents. A really helpful book is the Explosive Child. It may help you see another perspective on his lashing out with words.
by geesmom1February 3 at 8:09 PM
Thank you, I am going to check Amazon for the book now!