IEP=reality check

[TonyaO]

Ds annual IEP review was today and all is going well he continues to progress and is doing well in a mainstream setting with modifications. All great news right?! I still had a mini meltdown afterwards because we have started talking about high school and beyond for him (he will be 15 this month ) and even though dh and I have had lots of conversations about the fact he will most likely need extra help for the rest of his life, he will probably live semi independently. For some reason talking about that fact in the IEP left me feeling upset, kinda grieving the things that will most likely not happen for him such as a diploma (he will most likely be on a certificate track) going away to college etc...I love him for all of his wonderful qualities and bc he is my son and feel rotten that I still have these grieving moments. Not sure what the point of this post is other then to vent. Thanks for "listening"

[Alynn74]

Hugs. I know how you feel.Of my three that are on the spectrum, my oldest son may not ever live on his own. Not that he can't be independent or take of himself-but because he may need the feeling of security that his father and I give him. I am in school now to try and get the education I need to have a job that will help me prepare financially for that possibility.
However just because I am planning now doesn't mean that will come to pass. He is only 11 and makes huge progress every year both academicly and socially. Last night he even told me that he wants to get married! Something I have never heard from him before.

[maribou]

Yeah - we just had my ds senior year meeting with talk of plans for his 'EXIT' plan.  He will graduate with a diploma like everyone else and says he wants to try to go to the local junior college to see if he can handle the English/History classes.  

It is so overwhelming for me.  But, I do feel blessed because my niece (who also has asperger's) is a Junior, but will be 18y in April, and they are trying to decide if they are even going to let her become independent or do the paperwork for legal guardianship.

Take it one day at a time and (by my experience) in the next few years you will be amazed at the progress your son makes.

[TonyaO]

Thanks guys. I think the whole melt down thing just really caught me by surprise because I thought I was long past that feeling and had moved firmly into acceptance. Usually I'm a it is what it is and move forward type of person, but I guess those moments will still pop up from time to time.

[patnic]

You are SOOOOOO right.   IEP are reality checks. 

[dedesky]

HUGS, we are only in 3rd grade but I'm worried already about JR High and High School.  I'm not sure if he will be able to handle it or me!  I wish you the best.

[TonyaO]

The funny thing is he handles way better than I do most days!

Quoting dedesky:

HUGS, we are only in 3rd grade but I'm worried already about JR High and High School.  I'm not sure if he will be able to handle it or me!  I wish you the best.

[Sunflower48]

I Find that the IEP's always make me think & pull me up short.  In the beginning, all I used to concentrate on was what my son might be "missing out on".  I came to realize rather quickly that he is missing out on nothing.  My son is fully happy with who he is.  He is high functioning Asperger's.  He will go to college, although a trade college has been deemed best for him, and, God help us all, he has gotten his driving permit.  I went to seminars in a support group to learn how to make that process easier.  He has to work a lot harder at driving, and I find him telling himself what to do before he does it as he is driving.  He finds tools and coping mechanisms as do they all in all of the things they do in everyday life.  What I am really trying to say is that you will be surprized at how much they accomplish & how little we really did have to worry.  My son is beautiful and strong and just a perfect fit for this family.  He has even learned how to cope with a less than supportive father better than I have.  He just tells me "thank God I have a supportive stepfather who accepts me for who & what I am".  He is now almost 17, and my son has turned out to be one of the most incredible gifts I have ever received in my life.  I just don't give much thought to what he is "missing out" on, because I don't think he believes he is missing out on anything.  He is an amazing young man who will accomplish much in his life; he will just do it a little be differently.  I have just found lately that I no longer grieve for what he doesn't accomplish, but we all celebrate what he does accomplish because it's all pretty amazing.

[maribou]

My son (high functioning as well) has gotten his driver's license.  It took him 2 times to pass the permit test, but he passed the driving test with flying colors (only counted off on 1 thing).

Now, with that said, he has only been allowed to drive to and from school and to the local store.  But, at least he has it and feels like he has a little freedom.

Quoting Sunflower48:

I Find that the IEP's always make me think & pull me up short.  In the beginning, all I used to concentrate on was what my son might be "missing out on".  I came to realize rather quickly that he is missing out on nothing.  My son is fully happy with who he is.  He is high functioning Asperger's.  He will go to college, although a trade college has been deemed best for him, and, God help us all, he has gotten his driving permit.  I went to seminars in a support group to learn how to make that process easier.  He has to work a lot harder at driving, and I find him telling himself what to do before he does it as he is driving.  He finds tools and coping mechanisms as do they all in all of the things they do in everyday life.  What I am really trying to say is that you will be surprized at how much they accomplish & how little we really did have to worry.  My son is beautiful and strong and just a perfect fit for this family.  He has even learned how to cope with a less than supportive father better than I have.  He just tells me "thank God I have a supportive stepfather who accepts me for who & what I am".  He is now almost 17, and my son has turned out to be one of the most incredible gifts I have ever received in my life.  I just don't give much thought to what he is "missing out" on, because I don't think he believes he is missing out on anything.  He is an amazing young man who will accomplish much in his life; he will just do it a little be differently.  I have just found lately that I no longer grieve for what he doesn't accomplish, but we all celebrate what he does accomplish because it's all pretty amazing.

[TonyaO]

Thank you so much for that!! Sounds very similar to us, right down to the awesome supportive step dad! I do not knowing people with children on the spectrum close to ds's age so often times I feel like I'm tryin to find my way in the dark.

Quoting Sunflower48:

I Find that the IEP's always make me think & pull me up short.  In the beginning, all I used to concentrate on was what my son might be "missing out on".  I came to realize rather quickly that he is missing out on nothing.  My son is fully happy with who he is.  He is high functioning Asperger's.  He will go to college, although a trade college has been deemed best for him, and, God help us all, he has gotten his driving permit.  I went to seminars in a support group to learn how to make that process easier.  He has to work a lot harder at driving, and I find him telling himself what to do before he does it as he is driving.  He finds tools and coping mechanisms as do they all in all of the things they do in everyday life.  What I am really trying to say is that you will be surprized at how much they accomplish & how little we really did have to worry.  My son is beautiful and strong and just a perfect fit for this family.  He has even learned how to cope with a less than supportive father better than I have.  He just tells me "thank God I have a supportive stepfather who accepts me for who & what I am".  He is now almost 17, and my son has turned out to be one of the most incredible gifts I have ever received in my life.  I just don't give much thought to what he is "missing out" on, because I don't think he believes he is missing out on anything.  He is an amazing young man who will accomplish much in his life; he will just do it a little be differently.  I have just found lately that I no longer grieve for what he doesn't accomplish, but we all celebrate what he does accomplish because it's all pretty amazing.