40ish and beyond...

future grandma
December 9, 2013 at 9:14 AM

This is actually a double post.  I posted in the grandma forum, but did not get a response ... 

I am having mixed emotions about this because I am 43 and my 18 year old unmarried daughter just announced she is pregnant.  I am sad, angry, scared and even a little excited at times ... although that feeling is short lived and rare.  I found out a week ago and I am scared to death to tell my parents.  How do you tell your 63 year old mom she is about to be a great grandma.  It was hard enough 23 years ago when I announced at 39 she was going to be a grandma.  Honestly I do not know how to tell her that the family curse lives on ... my daughter is the 6th generation of second daughter to have a baby at 19.  Weird huh? 

It is hard to be happy and excited when you know the long hard road they have chosen and there is nothing you can really do except support them and try to do your best to help and guide them a long the way.  

Oh my youngest is 7 years old too.... that is part of my depression here.  I have ALWAYS had a baby.  I just wanted a little break between kids and grandkids.  

So here I am looking for advice and encouragement, which I am not really getting from my sisters.  My husband is being great and has his moments of shock and disbelief, but is definitely handling this better than I am.  I am planning to wait until after the holidays to tell my parents, but I know what their reaction will be.  Not good.  

I should probably add because we do not have much money.  My husband makes enough to pay the bills and stuff, but we dont do a lot extra becaues we dont have a lot extra.  So my son and oldest daughter are forever going to them asking for this or that ... new cell phones, clothes, money etc ... and I know they are thinking this is just going to be another baby we cant afford to have.  But the one who is pregnant has never asked them for anything.  Ever.  She is perfectly content with what she has.  And I should also just point out that they are not asking for NEEDS, they are asking for wants.  They all have cell phones and clothes... they just want more.  


  • wenuck
    by wenuck
    December 9, 2013 at 9:21 AM

    Awww Sorry I missed your post!

    Welcome and I'm sorry you are having mixed emotions about the situation. I actually dont know how I would react. Right now My oldest DD is 24 and planning on going to school for Hygentist and if she got pregnant I'd probably be upset now cause her career would have to be put on hold.

    I'm sure things will work out. Hugs Mama!

  • BL2010
    by BL2010
    December 9, 2013 at 9:22 AM

    {{{{{HUGS}}}}} Hi and welcome to the group. I imagine it's hard but at the same time it's a new member of the family. Hoping and praying that you're parents embrace your daughter.

  • Carmen66
    December 9, 2013 at 9:22 AM

    Well I know the feeling, my daughter was pregnant at 19 and I was 37 at the time and had 2 other kids in the house. All I can tell you is take it day by day, it's gonna be hard but have faith. This child is a blessing for your family, children bring joy and happiness into the world. I know you are scared and excited at the same time, but that's normal. As for you telling your parents whether they agree or not she is your child not theirs, they will be upset but they will get over it once this baby is around. She seems like a good kid, just make sure she understands that this is her responsibility not yours. As a mom and grandmom you are there for her when she needs help, other then that she has to get on top of her being the babys mom and responsible parent for that baby. Where is the father of the baby? is he in her life and is he willing to help at all? Good luck and look at it this way, gods blessings are always best .

  • jjames1990
    December 9, 2013 at 9:24 AM
    Bumping this to save my place. I will reply shortly
  • ALolies
    by ALolies
    December 9, 2013 at 9:26 AM

    I'm sorry for your mixed emotions... My only advice would be to accept it and love that baby to pieces. I had my Dd when I was 16... Yes, it was a long hard road, but I wouldn't change a thing. A hard road isn't always the wrong road. As for telling your mother, it is an honor the be a grandparent, but even more so to be a great-grandparent. She may surprise you and be overjoyed. And to be one at such a young age means she will be able to really enjoy her time with the baby.

    Hugz and good luck to you and your DD...

  • MamaLauri
    December 9, 2013 at 9:35 AM

    I fully understand your mixed feelings. Your expecting daughter seems to be ready to stand up to her responcibilities. You and your husband need to seroiusly talk about the extent of help you can and are willing to provide. Then share this with your daugther. After that provide love and emotional support. 

    BTW: Kids, 18 and older, should be providing for their own wants. Thats what jobs are for. This might be an opportunity to teach them.

  • Mariagma3
    December 9, 2013 at 9:43 AM

     I would instruct your daughter to look into any and all programs that help out young, single mothers. There is alot of help out there, she just needs to tap into it! Your Mother will be alright. Just don't focus on the "curse part." Good luck to you all! And congrats!! pregnant bellygrandma

  • tlcmommi4
    December 9, 2013 at 9:48 AM

    My 18 year old daughter (I have 3 daughters 23, 18 and 7 and one son - 16) has been with her boyfriend for 3.5 years and he and his parents are very much in the picture and ready to handle the situation.  They planned to marry after college anyway.  He is 21 and a junior, she is 18 and a freshman.  Obviously, we are in a much better situation than say it was a short term boyfriend or a one night stand.  But it is still hard to swallow none-the-less.  She plans to stay in college,  just not at the one she is currently at.  She is moving home after exams this week and enrolling at a local college here.  We all agree that both kids should stay in school and keep on track.  I am the only soon-to-be grandparent here that doesnt work outside of the home, so caring for the baby will be my responsibility.  

    Her boyfriend goes to school 2 hours from home and can not transfer here because his major is not offered, so against his wishes, we are strongly encouraging him to stay put and finish up because he is so close.  But he really, really wants to move back home at the end of the year so he can be here when the baby is born.  We are looking at alternatives (possibly 2 very full days a week up there and commuting).

    It is just hard to let go of the dreams you had for your child.  I know they are still possible, but the obsticles are greater now.  

    As for my parents, you are right.  Thankfully, they are 1200 miles away and if they start screaming at me, I can just hang up the phone :) 

  • AndrewsMomPDX
    December 9, 2013 at 9:52 AM

    The way I would look at it is you have an amazing opportunity to pull together as a family and remember there is a boy out there who should be baring some responsibility to this baby. If your parents aren't happy, then oh well! Your dd and her baby are not their responsibility. It might be time for the others to stop asking for wants and that should lessen a little of the grandparents judgement, but what else can you honestly do? This wasn't your decision and all you really can do as a decent parent is try to lend emotional support to your young adult dd. Hopefully she and the boy involved are figuring things out and not dumping it all on you. Hugs!

  • dana63
    by dana63
    December 9, 2013 at 9:57 AM


    My older daughter was 17 when she came home pregnant and we had mixed feelings but as soon as that baby is born and you hold it all your fears go away. I am now the grandma of 10 and each one is as special as the 1st one. I also have a 7 year old and you know I wanted a break but God had other plans for my family.

    Hugs and it will all work out!! :)

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