40ish and beyond...

horsew1
I just found out that my son posted a question concerning my relationship on a forum
by horsew1
October 3, 2012 at 8:48 PM

This is what he posted.

"My mom who is in her mid 40s is in a relationship with a guy who is apparently in his early 20s. Their relationship is merely based on sex from what I can tell. She wears low cut tops and short shorts when she hangs out with him. i moved out of the house as i'm 19 years and need to attend college so I don't know what's up with her. Is their relationship considered normal? And is her clothing unusual in any way? Do I need to interfere?"

What he said is entirely true but there is no need for him to intefere. I can't imagine my son interfering in my life and dictating me. So, is there a need to confront him and discuss this issue with him or is he just going to get over it eventaully?


Replies

  • BL2010
    by BL2010
    BL
    October 3, 2012 at 8:56 PM

    How did you find his post? Do you also post in the same forum? If so, then you could ask him about it. He may feel like he has to protect you.

  • manilowgal
    October 3, 2012 at 8:56 PM
    First was it posted where he knew you would see it? If so he may be hoping you'll bring it up. You did say all he said was true so you might need to tell him why you are acting this was & with this guy practically his age. It's your life but telling him where you're coming from might be helpful...jmo.
  • horsew1
    by horsew1
    October 3, 2012 at 9:03 PM


    Quoting BL2010:

    How did you find his post? Do you also post in the same forum? If so, then you could ask him about it. He may feel like he has to protect you.

    I found it on his laptop. Maybe he forgot to switch it off or left it open intentionally. Who knows? And, no I don't remember ever posting in that forum.

  • RubyQ
    by RubyQ
    October 3, 2012 at 9:05 PM

     Well, first of all, I think your son may have used the wrong word for what he is trying to ask. He is only 19 , and a 19 year old male may not be able to express himself clearly. (most men don't at any age, if a lot of the posts on here are any indication. I think what he may have been trying to express is: should i be concerned enough to mention her new behavior? That's different than trying to directly interfere.

     That said, I don't think you should say anything directly to him. He is an adult and entitled to his privacy concerning any conversations he has with others. 

     You might try to address the situation in another roundabout way though, not letting him know you read his post.- You could start out by asking him if he feels awkward in any way concerning your boyfriend's age, gauge what's bothering him, and maybe gently let him know that your love life --even if it were based on sex--is yours and yours alone to navigate.

  • BL2010
    by BL2010
    BL
    October 3, 2012 at 9:05 PM

    Ok, so it's not like you snooped. Do you usually use his computer? Again, if so, then talk to him about it. Have the two of you always been able to talk about things?

    Quoting horsew1:


    Quoting BL2010:

    How did you find his post? Do you also post in the same forum? If so, then you could ask him about it. He may feel like he has to protect you.

    I found it on his laptop. Maybe he forgot to switch it off or left it open intentionally. Who knows? And, no I don't remember ever posting in that forum.


  • horsew1
    by horsew1
    October 3, 2012 at 9:07 PM


    Quoting manilowgal:

    First was it posted where he knew you would see it? If so he may be hoping you'll bring it up. You did say all he said was true so you might need to tell him why you are acting this was & with this guy practically his age. It's your life but telling him where you're coming from might be helpful...jmo.

    I think so. I'm not sure. He left his laptop open so that can be an indication or he just simply forgot to switch it off. Okay I guess I will have a little chat with him after all. Thanks for the advice. :)

  • LFosterfarm
    October 3, 2012 at 9:09 PM

     well I simply don't know!  I mean you are both adults, and now live seperatly so what you do is really none of his concern and actually vice versa.  I would say in his eyes it's hard for him to you dating someone roughly his own age, kinda awkward!

  • horsew1
    by horsew1
    October 3, 2012 at 9:12 PM

    Quoting RubyQ:

     Well, first of all, I think your son may have used the wrong word for what he is trying to ask. He is only 19 , and a 19 year old male may not be able to express himself clearly. (most men don't at any age, if a lot of the posts on here are any indication. I think what he may have been trying to express is: should i be concerned enough to mention her new behavior? That's different than trying to directly interfere.

     That said, I don't think you should say anything directly to him. He is an adult and entitled to his privacy concerning any conversations he has with others. 

     You might try to address the situation in another roundabout way though, not letting him know you read his post.- You could start out by asking him if he feels awkward in any way concerning your boyfriend's age, gauge what's bothering him, and maybe gently let him know that your love life --even if it were based on sex--is yours and yours alone to navigate.


    That seems reasonable. I'll take that under consideration. Appreciate the advice. :)
  • roxxyt
    by roxxyt
    October 3, 2012 at 9:15 PM
    Have a chat it can't hurt just find out where he's at with it all, I got new boobs at 45 so I was proud for awhile and in good shape, I dressed appropriate, but not hanging out. Just be true to you.
  • sahlady
    by sahlady
    October 3, 2012 at 9:27 PM

    What a wonderful boy! He loves you , he cares, he is concerned, and he holds you with more respect than he feels you are demonstrating. His heart obviously hurts. Don't you dare " confront" him... That word has a negative connotation. He did nothing wrong. He obviously has a moral concern here. LISTEN to his concerns.

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