Moms with Adult Kids

Why does our adult son hate us?
November 16, 2012 at 3:20 PM

He never comes around unless he needs help or money. He's on our car insurance otherwise he can't afford it.(we do not pay for it) He keeps getting parking tickets (that he pays for) in our name but my DH just keeps letting it slide (doesn't get made about it). My step-son lives with his mom just a mile down the street. He's 21. Is this normal? I don't remember doing this to my mom. I at least called her twice a week, this kid never even calls.


DS pays for his insurance, tuition, car tags, repairs, job related items etc....goes to school 5-6 hours per day and words as a shift manager at Jamba Juice going on 3 years.


  • hugss
    by hugss
    November 17, 2012 at 12:04 AM

    Try talking to him,
    I do agree with the others he needs to be paying his own so he can feel the pain of paying off his own parking tickets as well :)

  • NEISA50
    by NEISA50
    November 17, 2012 at 12:07 AM

    As long as  you and your husband keep catering to him he will continue to act and do as he please. show him that he needs to get money some where else and take him off the car insurance he is 21 let him grow up and learn how to be a man and be responsible for himself.

  • CoeyG
    by CoeyG
    November 17, 2012 at 12:22 AM

    Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

    I already stated he lives with his mother a mile down the road. 

    I also already stated that he is in the process of being taken off our insurance. 

    We helped out for a few years because he went to school and could only work part time. His hours have now increased. 

    Insurance for him on his own was going to be $200.00 per month as a new young driver. 

    Now he's 21 and has some years and experience under his belt. 

    From what I know, he does not pay rent at his moms due to the fact he's still in school about 5-6 hours a day. Her rule is stay in school and she will help him by letting him stay rent free. 

    Should we take him off of our health insurance too? I mean if he needs to be on his own entirely?

    Quoting CoeyG:

    You are enabling your son's behavior, you husband keeps paying the tickets and you keep him on your car insurance.  Your husband is aware that his insurance rates are going to go up because of those tickets right?  And why are they in your husband's name?  Is the car not registered to your son?  If not why not?  As for the 21 year old.  What isn't normal about it, he is 21 and living at home...are you making him pay rent and help out with the bills?  If not, why not?  He is an adult and should be paying his own way, just as your son who lives outside your home.  The reason they treat you the way they do is because you allow them to

    As far as the health insurance goes that depends upon the divorce decree between his mother and father.  I know my daughter was no longer on my ex's health insurance when she turned 21, I was glad she had a job that offered it as well as the fact that she was able to get a secondary policy by being a full time college student.  I wouldn't be "in the process of getting him off" my car insurance, he never would have been put on to begin with unless it was in the divorce papers.  The fact that it would have cost him $200 a month, that's the price one has to pay.  If the 21 year old isn't pay his mother rent that is her problem.  And if he is no longer eligble for child support under the court order then there is no reason to give him money.  He's a big boy, he needs to learn how to live within a budget and to take care of his own needs by himself.  

  • terri-553
    November 17, 2012 at 7:13 AM

    He;d be paying his  own insurance we have a kid like that,You have to make them take care of their own stuff,He;ll get over it or not,Let him grow -up

  • jlsjjsmom
    November 17, 2012 at 9:07 AM

    I'd talk to your dss and let him know that it bothers you that he doesn't come around more often. Maybe try to set a regular weekly time for him to come over - Sunday brunch or a weekly dinner or something. At 21 their brains are still developing and they aren't too far past those self-absorbed teen years. He may not even realize that it bothers you that he doesn't come around much.

  • Bmat
    by Bmat
    November 17, 2012 at 9:11 AM

    Sometimes people resent when they are in a position of being helped by others. This may be the case, including maybe he is unhappy with his life and feels he can take it out on people who love him, because they won't retaliate.   Remove him from your insurance and find out how to remove yourselves from his parking tickets.  Tell him you are doing this. If he asks why, just say it is time, or you need the money, or whatever.  Be pleasant to him and make conversations with him something that he looks forward to.

  • Dzyre1115
    November 17, 2012 at 9:13 AM

     He sounds very typical for today's entitled generation.  He's a user and probably a loafer too if at 21 he can't afford his own car insurance.

  • teaching1972
    November 17, 2012 at 9:52 AM

    Quoting atlmom2:

    In general it is true. You are lucky. Remember "my son's my son till he gets his wife, but my daughter is my daughter all of her life"

    Quoting teaching1972:


    Quoting atlmom2:

    He's a guy, and girls are more caring.

    This is not true.  I have three very caring sons.  They have an extremely caring father.  I have known girls that walked all over their parents.  I have known boys that were uncaring.  It just depends on the adult child not the gender.

    Not every old saying is true.  I used to hear GIRLS CAN'T DO MATH.  I put the saying you quoted in that group,

  • atlmom2
    by atlmom2
    November 17, 2012 at 9:56 AM
    I paid my car insurance the week I graduated hs. The bill was on me. Pay it or don't drive.
  • Shellness
    November 17, 2012 at 1:01 PM

    Maybe your better off!

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