Moms with Adult Kids

2Birds1Stone
Why does our adult son hate us?
November 16, 2012 at 3:20 PM

He never comes around unless he needs help or money. He's on our car insurance otherwise he can't afford it.(we do not pay for it) He keeps getting parking tickets (that he pays for) in our name but my DH just keeps letting it slide (doesn't get made about it). My step-son lives with his mom just a mile down the street. He's 21. Is this normal? I don't remember doing this to my mom. I at least called her twice a week, this kid never even calls.


Edit:

DS pays for his insurance, tuition, car tags, repairs, job related items etc....goes to school 5-6 hours per day and words as a shift manager at Jamba Juice going on 3 years.

Replies

  • 2Birds1Stone
    November 16, 2012 at 5:21 PM

    I can't wait for my son to get married. Then at least he'll have an excuse to ignore us lol...

    Quoting EireLass:

    I was always very close with my son (both my kids). It started after he got married. Everyone tells me it's his wife. I think they say that to make me feel good, which it doesn't. She never really spoke to me unless she absolutely had to. He was never like this when he was dating any other gal, and not while dating her or engaged to her, only after they married. I'm not blaming her, he's 33, he's an adult. I think he struggles with loyalties, love, etc....how can he love his mom and his wife, etc. And of course his father isn't helping the situation (we've been divorced since he was 11).

    I never had my kids on my insurance or anything like that. I refused to even though I knew it would be a financial break for them. Too big of a liability for me.

    When you do take him off your insurance and everything, he will be very angry.

    Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

    But why do they act this way? 

    We are good parents, when he was home he was loving and kind, and now..he's a butthole!

    Quoting EireLass:

    My son (33) is being a piss-ant to me right now. I'm not financially supporting him or anything. But he hasn't been speaking to me in awhile. Oh well...he'll get over imself and come forward, I'm not worried.



  • Cindy18
    by Cindy18
    November 16, 2012 at 6:13 PM
    First off, get him off your insurance before he does something really dumb. He is an adult and needs to act like one. From what you described in the OP doesn't sound like he hates you, just that he's selfish.
  • Cindy18
    by Cindy18
    November 16, 2012 at 6:17 PM
    You keep asking everyone on here "Why". No one can answer that but your son. IMHO, he is selfish and you are taking him not coming around too personal.
  • CoeyG
    by CoeyG
    November 16, 2012 at 6:24 PM

    You are enabling your son's behavior, you husband keeps paying the tickets and you keep him on your car insurance.  Your husband is aware that his insurance rates are going to go up because of those tickets right?  And why are they in your husband's name?  Is the car not registered to your son?  If not why not?  As for the 21 year old.  What isn't normal about it, he is 21 and living at home...are you making him pay rent and help out with the bills?  If not, why not?  He is an adult and should be paying his own way, just as your son who lives outside your home.  The reason they treat you the way they do is because you allow them to

  • 2Birds1Stone
    November 16, 2012 at 8:31 PM

    I'm asking "Why" in opinion form.  

    Just like you answered right now. Your opinion is that he is selfish. There that was not so hard now was it? lol!

    Quoting Cindy18:

    You keep asking everyone on here "Why". No one can answer that but your son. IMHO, he is selfish and you are taking him not coming around too personal.


  • 2Birds1Stone
    November 16, 2012 at 8:35 PM

    I already stated he lives with his mother a mile down the road. 

    I also already stated that he is in the process of being taken off our insurance. 

    We helped out for a few years because he went to school and could only work part time. His hours have now increased. 

    Insurance for him on his own was going to be $200.00 per month as a new young driver. 

    Now he's 21 and has some years and experience under his belt. 

    From what I know, he does not pay rent at his moms due to the fact he's still in school about 5-6 hours a day. Her rule is stay in school and she will help him by letting him stay rent free. 

    Should we take him off of our health insurance too? I mean if he needs to be on his own entirely?

    Quoting CoeyG:

    You are enabling your son's behavior, you husband keeps paying the tickets and you keep him on your car insurance.  Your husband is aware that his insurance rates are going to go up because of those tickets right?  And why are they in your husband's name?  Is the car not registered to your son?  If not why not?  As for the 21 year old.  What isn't normal about it, he is 21 and living at home...are you making him pay rent and help out with the bills?  If not, why not?  He is an adult and should be paying his own way, just as your son who lives outside your home.  The reason they treat you the way they do is because you allow them to


  • nana9106
    November 16, 2012 at 9:11 PM
    I think young men feel like they have to make an emotional break from their parents. In order for them to feel like they are independent. Even though you are paying his insurance and fines and what not, maybe he feels like he is still being independant because he is not requiring emotional support. So maybe he doesn't hate you he is just trying to prove his independence. Just my thought.
  • teaching1972
    November 16, 2012 at 9:22 PM


    Quoting atlmom2:

    He's a guy, and girls are more caring.


    This is not true.  I have three very caring sons.  They have an extremely caring father.  I have known girls that walked all over their parents.  I have known boys that were uncaring.  It just depends on the adult child not the gender.

  • atlmom2
    by atlmom2
    November 16, 2012 at 9:44 PM
    In general it is true. You are lucky. Remember "my son's my son till he gets his wife, but my daughter is my daughter all of her life"


    Quoting teaching1972:



    Quoting atlmom2:

    He's a guy, and girls are more caring.


    This is not true.  I have three very caring sons.  They have an extremely caring father.  I have known girls that walked all over their parents.  I have known boys that were uncaring.  It just depends on the adult child not the gender.


  • hugss
    by hugss
    November 17, 2012 at 12:04 AM

    Not necessarily :)

    Quoting atlmom2:

    He's a guy, and girls are more caring.


Moms with Adult Kids