Moms with Adult Kids

I hate being in this position!Long,sorry:(!
October 13, 2012 at 3:42 PM

If you have read any of my previous posts you know I'm raising my two grandchildren.And because of issues with my DD and her a-hole boyfriend I do not want them in my home for any length of time.

Well they are in the position now that by Friday they will be living on the streets!  No job or prospective jobs!  And trying to talk to her is like beating my head against a brick wall.  Being a single Mom,she could get into a shelter along with her son.  But her BF would not be allowed in the same one because they are not married and he is also on paper as a sex offender.(Long story.)  And he is just trouble for her,it seems everytime she is on the right road to get on with her life he interferes some how!

But she LOVES him!  And rather then being able to be with her kids in a safe enviroment,knowing she'll have a roof over her head and food everyday,she would rather tag behind him and live where ever?

Me and my DH(who is her step-dad)discussed even allowing her to move back in with us temporarily and help her get on her feet.  And this is a big decision for us to make becuase of hard feeling between DH and DD over the way she has verbally abused me and the disrespect she has for both of us when she is living here!  But DH even said rather then see her on the streets she would be allowed to come back home as long as he wasn't with her!

But she refuses!  I just don't understand how a Mother can choose an abusive drug using alchoholic a-hole over her own safety and being with her children?  

How am I,as her Mother and Grandmother to my sweet grandchildren supposed to stand by and allow her to continue to be used by him? It hurts to know,no matter what I say or do just dosen't register with her?  banging head into wallsimple frown


  • suzeebloch
    October 13, 2012 at 3:51 PM
    Just stand by your grandchildren. As tragic as it is, she is going to have to find her own way. Be glad that your husband supports you. Too bad we can't warn new parents that the newborn baby they are about to take home from the hospital could break their heart one day ...
  • hugss
    by hugss
    October 13, 2012 at 4:03 PM

    I agree with this,
    Stand by your grand children & hope your dd figures it out sooner than latewr.
    Hugs to you & let us know what happens :)

    Quoting suzeebloch:

    Just stand by your grandchildren. As tragic as it is, she is going to have to find her own way. Be glad that your husband supports you. Too bad we can't warn new parents that the newborn baby they are about to take home from the hospital could break their heart one day ...

  • Maddie24
    October 13, 2012 at 4:54 PM

    I am so sorry - I know it is very painful to see your adult daughter make bad decisions.  I totally agree with Ronna, the only thing you can do is stand by your grandchildren. You cannot make your adult daughter do anything.

    By the way - You are a wonderful grandmother to raise your grandchildren.  I find that age has taken it's toll and it is harder to take care of grandchildren - and you are raising yours.  Keep us posted.

  • CoeyG
    by CoeyG
    October 13, 2012 at 5:18 PM

    She is an adult, there is nothing you can do for her.  She has made her choice, what is between her legs is more important than her children.  Some women are simply like that, they will choose any kind of man over the children they give birth to.  You have to let go of your daughter and you have to quit blaming the boyfriend for "interfereing" in her life, he wouldn't be able to do is if your daughter didn't allow him to.  

    There is absoclutely no way I would even think about allowing her to live in my home as long as he is even on the fringes of her life.  She would have to prove by living at least 6 monhts in a shelter without him before I would open my home up to her.  For me I would start seekinjg to have her lose her paretnal rights and you adopt her chilodren because things are not going to get any better and as long as she has ties to her children and hangs on to him he will always be in your lives.    You need to stop wishing and hoping and live in the real world.  

  • Cindy18
    by Cindy18
    October 13, 2012 at 5:31 PM

    As harsh as it sounds, I agree with Coey. 

    He wouldn't be in her life and "screwing" it up if she didn't allow it. I would not allow her to live in your house. She is nothing but trouble. Hopefully someday she will be able to open her eyes.

    Do you have both the children with you?

  • homeskoolmama
    October 13, 2012 at 9:14 PM

    Do what is best for the gc and dd will have to figure things out for herself.

  • jabs54
    by jabs54
    October 13, 2012 at 9:34 PM

     I'm trying to remember your story...  when you say you are raising your grandchildren, do you have custody of your grandchildren?   

  • suebee3
    by suebee3
    October 13, 2012 at 9:36 PM

    Agree with all the posts

  • kuntrylady56
    October 13, 2012 at 10:33 PM

    I fully realize she a grown woman and the grandkids are my top priority. I have been dealing with her mistakes and consequences there of since she turned 16 and decided she was old enough to do what the hell she wanted no matter what!

    I will never GIVE UP on my daughter! I don't agree with how she lives and she knows this. Thats why she no longer lives here!  But no matter how often your children hurt you or you see them making the same mistakes over and over again you HOPE they'll change.  Its just part of being a Mom.

    She knows I won't help her as long as she chooses to stay with her so called boyfriend but the only problem with that is he is my GS semen donor.  So he claims he wants to be part of their lives too. So there are alot of things it would take days to explain why this situation is hard.

    Hes been in the picture on and off for the past five years. So we've came to grips with he'll be in the picture! I just don't have to be happy with it.I know she is a grown woman and her decisions are hers to make.And I AM living in the REAL world!  I wasn't asking for answers for something I know I can't change,I was just getting all the built up fustrations out!

    And I appreciate you ladies being here to listen and give your honest opinions,they do hugThank you!


  • amylulu1
    October 13, 2012 at 11:47 PM
    Take care of you. Hopefully she'll get her head out of her ass soon. Try not to let it stress you out too much!

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