Tween Titans

Would you let your tween go to this party?
December 7, 2012 at 5:48 AM

My dd (10) camr home yesterday with a handwritten on an indexcard invitation to a sleepover party. The invite wasn't really clear on a lot of things including the address. It says "at my house". I did call and talk to the mom and the party really is going on. The family lives almost around the corner from us.

But here are the issues I'm having, while the family lives close to us I don't know them at all. I barely know the child. My daughter knows her from school but doesn't really spend time with her outside of school. Also when I asked my daughter if she knew who eles was invited she listed a boy. There were only 3 kids on the list (girl's mom wanted a small party because it's a sleepover). I don't know how I feel about sending my daughter to this party. She really wants to go. But I'm not comfterable with it, What would you do?


  • wenchmommy381
    December 7, 2012 at 4:21 PM

    Quoting embrigmom:

    Quoting coolmommy2x:

    I would find out more information and meet the parents so DD could go. Is the boy a brother? Is he a friend of the brother? Is he sleeping over? Honestly, I probably would say yes as long as I knew the parents (and I would get to know them so it's a problem again).

    At this point she's been told no, because we don't know the family. And While we're sure they are very nice we'd rather we get to know them a little better.

    I hope you are able to follow through on actually getting to know the family. I've sent my son on playdates when I didn't know the parents well, and it was fine. I would agree to paying a visit to the party and then bring her home later. 

  • TwinSoccerMom
    December 7, 2012 at 5:15 PM

    I don't think that is the best judgement on the parents then.  I would not - even at that age - let a mixed gender group sleep in the same room unsupervised. Not that anything is likely to happen but it just doesn't set a very good example.  And it won't be long when they are at an age where it may be problematic. I think it would have been a better choice to just have the boy there for the party but not the sleepover.

    Quoting embrigmom:

    Quoting TwinSoccerMom:

    Is the boy who will be at the party a brother or friend?  Does the girl have a brother who is inviting a friend as well?  I have boy/girl twins so there is always someone of the opposite gender here during sleepovers.  We have had a mix of boys and girls sleepover but they are seperate when it comes to sleeping.  Doors are open at all times (excpet when they are changing of course) and everone sleeps within feet of our bedroom so there is supervision. Now that they are teens we have more rules about no sleepovers of those who are "dating" each other or even have an interest in one another.  If DDs friend is intereted in DSs friend they can visit at the same time but no sleepovers. This is only possible becasue our kids are both very open with us and we discuss friends and things going on all the time. 

    There are many kids that my kids primarily hang out with at school but are still good friends. They just might not be in the same activities after school or live too far away to hang out regularly.  

    Perhaps until you get to know the family better you could let your DD go to the party for awhile but not overight. You could invite the friend over at another time and get to know her better then allow a sleepover once you are comfortable.

    The Boy is a friend of the girl who is having the party. Guess they have been friends for years. And all the kids will be sleeping in the basement.

  • Rogue35
    by Rogue35
    December 7, 2012 at 9:46 PM
    Well you could let her go for a while but not do the sleepover part.
  • hollydaze1974
    December 7, 2012 at 9:53 PM
    I'd let her go, but that's just me. I feel parents are getting overly protective when it comes to parties. How are children supposed to socialize out of school when we can be so insistent on knowing every moment of another families lives. But that is totally just me.
  • embrigmom
    December 8, 2012 at 9:32 AM

    Quoting Rogue35:

    Well you could let her go for a while but not do the sleepover part.

    I was thinking of doing that, but the whole party is pretty much the sleepover. When I talked to the mother she said to bring the kids over after dinner time so that would be somewhere around 7pm, right? Since most families eat dinner between 5and 6pm. So really she wouldn't be there for very long if I did that.

  • embrigmom
    December 8, 2012 at 9:42 AM

    Quoting hollydaze1974:

    I'd let her go, but that's just me. I feel parents are getting overly protective when it comes to parties. How are children supposed to socialize out of school when we can be so insistent on knowing every moment of another families lives. But that is totally just me.

    I don't want to know every moment of the family's life, but I do want to know the family of the child if I'm going to send my child off with them. I want my daughter to socialize but I want her to do safely. If that's being overly protective then guilty as charged. In this day and age you here about all this crazy shit going on. Bad shit happening to kids in places where their parents thought they were safe.

    That on top of what she's come home and told me she's heard on the bus and at school. Some of the kids are getting crazy ideas in their heads. Last year she had two boys holding down her hands and arms while trying to kiss her on the bus. And this year a boy told her he was going to rape her. These boys are her age, this is going on on an elemtary school bus the oldest kids are in the 5th grade. None of these boys are the boy at the party but if boys that age are getting those kind of ideas in their heads then I don't want my daughter at a sleep over with a boy. Specailly not when the sleeping arrangment is the kids in the basement completly unspuervised by the parents.

  • Lorena
    by Lorena
    December 8, 2012 at 10:17 AM
    I was going to say let her go, but then you said that a boy was going. I would not allow my dd or sd go to a sleep over that had a boy going or if the sleep over was not being well supervised. I personally do not let my kids go anywhere until I have at least met the parents.
    When I have sleep overs I try to make sure the opposite sex siblings are gone unless it is only one kid. My ds has his best friend over all the time but that is going to change because I have noticed my dd has a crush on him and it seem he may to.
    December 8, 2012 at 11:58 PM
  • gravercem
    December 9, 2012 at 3:25 AM

    Since its really close to your house, I might let her go to the party but not sleep over.  That way she can still attend the party with her friends.  I have also used things like this to get to know the parents by attending the party with my child.  I offer to help a little which can be as easy as helping hand cake out ect.  Gives me a chance to gage the parents, and also see how my child relates to the other kids.

  • akgrear
    by akgrear
    December 9, 2012 at 11:15 AM

    Not to think that the boy at this party would do anything but my 10 year old son has a 10 year old friend and he and another girl were kissing each other by the pond in our neighborhood the other day. With some children these days the age of 10 is no longer all that innocent.

    Also, if i haven't met the parents and the friend then there are no sleepovers until that happens. With the boy above that I mentioned he is allowed to stay at our house but my son is not allowed to stay there (children run the household at his friend's house)

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