Tween Titans

GotSomeKids
Don't Know What to Do With Her
September 28, 2012 at 8:25 PM

So, for years the kids have been asking to let them walk to and from school.  Being a very overprotective parent I always drove them or walked them.  So, this year, my son goes to the same school as the neighbor, so now they had a group of three walking to the school (the boys caught their bus from my daughters school).

Anyhow, I followed them in the car for 2-3 weeks.  Been walking a few times too.  Well, today, I get back from the school a tad bit late and the bell had already rang.  So, I check and she's gone already (which is fine, she walks home with her friends).  I start heading home and I spot her.  She is about one block from the school (we live about 5 blocks from the school).  So, I think she is fine and go home.

I get home and walk to the front yard waiting for her.  She never shows up.  I look all the way down the block and nothing.  It is completely empty from my house to the school.

So, trying not to panic, I get in the car, drive down to the school and back and nothing.  I call the house and no answer.  So, I park the car and go inside look around and nothing. Then I spot her over shirt and call out to her. 

She was at the house, but like 30 mins after school gets out (its tops a 10 min walk).  I've asked her countless times and she refuses to tell me where she is at.  She just keeps insisting she was just walking slow.

I can tell by the way she is looking at me that she is hiding something.  It might not even anything that serious, but she refuses to answer.

Replies

  • kerryanneo
    September 28, 2012 at 8:56 PM

    Hi, I'm new so I hope I'm not being presumptuous by responding without really knowing you or anything but this drives me nuts when my kids do this kind of thing (clearly hiding SOMETHING and I don't know if it's serious and I start freaking out)  so I'll give it a go.

    I checked out your profile page to see how old she was (9 right?)  I have 6, 8, & 10-all girls.  I walk them to school (except I'm even more paranoid then you-we live on the same street as the school and I can see them the whole way and I still walk them...wow..that looks even more paranoid written down...anyway..)  I'm guessing it's NOT anything serious-and by serious I mean strange men, drugs, sex, kidnapping, etc. etc.  I woud venture that she was either testing out her independence by dawdling or maybe was talking with a boy or her friends after school and she won't tell you because she doesn't want to get into trouble.  Since you can't prove that she did anything wrong, she is going to stick to her story.  Trying to force it out of her defeats the purpose and is besides the point.  The POINT is that she was not home in an acceptable amount of time and there are consequences to her actions.  Since she has decided not to tell you the reason she was late, you cannot judge whether or not it was a good reason.  Therefore, from now if she is late, she will (insert disciplinary action here).  And I guess, if it were me, I wouldn't yell at her all.  I would talk to her from the heart.  I would start by telling her how much you love her, so much that she can't even understand what goes through your head when you don't know where she is.  It is taking all your strength as a mother just letting her be on her own and that even though you trust her, it's still SO scary to you.  Tell her you have to be able to trust her to get home on time so that you know she is safe.  Tell her that REALLY no matter what she is doing, all it really comes down to is that she is SAFE.  And if she can't handle that huge responsibility, then there will be consequences.

    Sorry, I get a little fired up when it comes to this stuff.  Hope you are doing ok.  Hang in there.

    Kerry

  • GotSomeKids
    September 28, 2012 at 10:26 PM

    I might be over protective, I don't know.  But, the first year we were in this neighborhood there were two attempted abductions.  The third year we were here, there was another attempt about two blocks away.  Back in April a triple homicide about a mile away.  The only reason I allowed them to start walking is because we live so close to the school and there are about 300 students/parents who walk as well (at relatively the same time).

    I want my hubby to talk to her, but he still isn't home from work yet.  I told her she had to stay in her room until her dad got home.  Shockingly, she said okay and went in her room.  Now, I'm starting to feel guilty because hubby was "suppose" to be home two hours ago.

  • kerryanneo
    September 29, 2012 at 7:47 PM

    Keep us posted!  Good luck : )

  • TempestRayne
    September 29, 2012 at 8:05 PM
    Well, don't let her walk alone again. If she isn't being honest, you can't trust her. That is a simple and basic consequence of her actions.
  • M4LG5
    by M4LG5
    September 29, 2012 at 8:21 PM
    If I let them.do something, they have my trust until they break it and then it would be hard to get it back.
  • Barabell
    October 1, 2012 at 10:44 AM

    Any updates on this yet?

    My first thought was that my son walks home from the bus, and he often talks to a kid that used to be a classmate which lives right next to the bus stop. So he is often 20-30 minutes late. However, when we ask him about it, he is honest about where he is. He stays in sight of the bus stop, and so if we came looking for him, we could find him. Plus, he is older than 9 years old.

    So upon thinking on this further, the issue isn't that she was coming home later than normal, but she lied about what she was doing. I would punish for the lying, and there would be some consequence about how she would have to earn trust back. I would explain that the punishment was for the lie more than her taking that long to get home.

  • GotSomeKids
    October 1, 2012 at 11:00 AM

    Well, the issue was only compounded when my husband who got home 4 hours later than he normally does from work (even though I asked him to please come home), he talked to my daughter who finally explained to me that she was just walked slow.  Her friends she walks home with live about 3 blocks closer to the school than we do.

    So, when hubby got home she told hubby in fact, she wasn't walking slow and that I just didn't notice her coming into the house.

    So, since she is clearly not telling us what happened, we decided she has lost walking privedges until we feel we can trust her again.


  • Barabell
    October 1, 2012 at 11:14 AM

    I think you made the right decision.

  • love-my-tween
    October 3, 2012 at 12:08 AM

    I agree that you made the right choice because of the dishonesty.  I'm an overprotective mother also, and I would have been freaking out if my daughter was that late coming home. 

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