Birthmoms

Vikki77
The rumors are TRUE!!! (kind of long but worth it, and need advice.)
by Vikki77
November 16, 2012 at 3:37 PM

I was at work today when a coworker told me someone was there to talk to me. I didn't recognize the woman at first. Then she told me that she wanted to talk to me about Kaleb (his adoptive name.) Then I realized it was the girlfriends mom. My heart almost stopped. I just knew she was there to tell me that he didn't want to talk to me any more. I got the other girls to take over for me so I could talk to her. This is what happened.


She told me that amom believes I am pure EVIL and she has to protect Christopher from me. So she was going to send him to a boys home out of state for 2 years. GFmom convinces her to give custody of him to her and that way he would stil be near home, and I wouldn't know where he was. So they are in the process of getting full legal custody of him. With the condition that he will not be able to contact me, and that I will not contact him. He did not reply to the birthday email because he knows his emails are monitored and doesn't know if they are being copied to amom. So he ignored it... To protect me and himself. The GFmom said that as soon as she had custody she would let us talk, but she can't risk it right now. She was planning on waiting until it was all over to contact me, but she said he has been crying for 2 days, and told her, "We have to let my mom know. She will think I don't want to talk to her, and I don't want her to think that. She has to know I'm okay." So she agreed to come by and see me. And she told me something else, that made me really mad. She told me that when she has custody he can see me, but it will be just like when amom had him. I can take him out to eat and stuff, but he can't stay with me. Spend the night or anything. Why would someone do that? Is that not asserting the same control amom had? (That's the advice I need. What do I do about that? Nothing?)


BEST PART He was in the car and she told me to come see him for a minute. When I went out there, he came out of the car crying, and grabbed onto me like he would never let go. He whispered in my ear, "I love you, Mom. And I will never leave you." I am crying now, just typing this. Everytime I would pull back to look into his eyes, and kiss his cheek, he would pull me back in for a big bear hug. Anyone watching would have been able to see that neither one of us wanted to let go.


I am so happy that I had that today, but letting go of him, took me back 15 years. I felt the same physical sickness that I felt when I lost my baby boy. But at least this time, I know it's not forever. It's not even for that long. Thank you all for telling me not to give up. That like me, you didn't see how he could just walk away. It kept me sane.

Replies

  • onethentwins
    November 16, 2012 at 4:42 PM

    My advice is to accept what you have you have for now and take it day by day.  He obviously loves you very much and given the choice you would be the one he was with, hang on to that.  He will be with you one day. 

    hugs

  • Vikki77
    by Vikki77
    November 16, 2012 at 4:54 PM
    Another thing that makes me mad... She got my phone number and told me that she would call if there was an emergency. But I couldn't have his phone number OR HERS. She couldn't risk it. That's what makes me think she will be just as controlling. There would be no way that the amom would know if her and I were talking on the phone. I am holding onto that. I am so happy that he was persistent enough to make her come to my job. It gives me hope that he will always make sure we will have contact. He will definitely always be my baby! :)

    Quoting onethentwins:

    My advice is to accept what you have you have for now and take it day by day.  He obviously loves you very much and given the choice you would be the one he was with, hang on to that.  He will be with you one day. 

    hugs

  • drfink
    by drfink
    November 16, 2012 at 7:01 PM

    Your poor son . There is something very wrong with the original amom. Not sure what is up with the gfriends mom but follow her rules.She does listen to your son and the more you follow her guidelines the more she will trust you.Play the game and eventually you will be in his life ,he will be of age and there will be nothing to fear.

    HUGS

  • vampporcupine
    November 16, 2012 at 7:36 PM

     I think that she is doing her best to play in the middle between you and amom. She doesn't feel comfortable completely going against amom as she had gained her trust enough to allow her custody. I dont think she is really attempting control but just trying not to step too hard on amoms toes which may bring down the wrath upon her. Just my take on it. Keep in mind...it isn't forever. Your son will be an adult soon and then you two can do what ever when ever and they can all pound sand.

  • Vikki77
    by Vikki77
    November 16, 2012 at 10:42 PM
    Yes, I have already decided that I would play by her rules. I really don't have much of a choice anyway. Lol but I'm still not too happy about it. :/

    Quoting drfink:

    Your poor son . There is something very wrong with the original amom. Not sure what is up with the gfriends mom but follow her rules.She does listen to your son and the more you follow her guidelines the more she will trust you.Play the game and eventually you will be in his life ,he will be of age and there will be nothing to fear.

    HUGS

  • Vikki77
    by Vikki77
    November 16, 2012 at 10:46 PM
    I didn't think about it this way. Thank you for a fresh outlook. And if I have to admit, you're probably right. Even though she said I couldn't have her number she texted me tonight. Apologizing for it having to be this way. And it seemed like she was trying to really convince me that he is happy. So maybe she does feel caught in the middle. And I guess I have to believe that she truly cares about my son. It gives me some consolation that she does seem to want me involved.

    Quoting vampporcupine:

     I think that she is doing her best to play in the middle between you and amom. She doesn't feel comfortable completely going against amom as she had gained her trust enough to allow her custody. I dont think she is really attempting control but just trying not to step too hard on amoms toes which may bring down the wrath upon her. Just my take on it. Keep in mind...it isn't forever. Your son will be an adult soon and then you two can do what ever when ever and they can all pound sand.

  • mommasbrat912
    November 17, 2012 at 7:49 AM

    I'm so happy for you and frustrated for you at the same time. I'm so glad your son made such an effort to let you know he is ok, loves you, and needs you!  I'm glad that his GF mom can recognize that he needs help and is making moves to remove him from what is clearly an unhealthy situation. Give her some time. She is reaching out, and like Vamp said, she's playing the middle, and that line must be really hard. But it's clear that overall your sons well being is her main concern. And as hard as it may be, try to hold onto the fact that he loves you, that he wants to be a part of your life, and that no matter what moves anyone else makes, it won't be too long before legally noone can tell him what to do.  I'm so sorry that his amom is crazy. It's Amoms like that continue to hold back what should be a more progressive time in adoption. You deserve better! hang on just a little longer, your rewards are coming!

  • Cedartrees4
    November 17, 2012 at 5:03 PM

    "She told me that when she has custody he can see me, but it will be just like when amom had him. I can take him out to eat and stuff, but he can't stay with me. Spend the night or anything. Why would someone do that?"


    I'd have two questions to ask her:   Is he allowed to stay overnight at anyone else's place, such a with friends etc.?  If so, then why not at your place?  Secondly, what type of abuse is she convinced that you committed against him that she would treat you like you were a heinous criminal who cannot be trusted around minors? :(   There is obviously a backstory here of why she believes you are dangerous, i.e. why type of lies has the adopter told her?    

  • randi1978
    November 17, 2012 at 11:46 PM

    I'm happy you at least found out what was going on.  But why does his adopter think you so bad (besides being an insecure and jealous twat)?

  • irishgal63
    November 18, 2012 at 11:58 AM

     when  I  was  BULLIED  into  giving  up  my  son(almost  26yrs.  ago) to  the  Catholic Soc. Services, I  WISH

      that   I 'd  been  stronger, &  stood  up  for  myself/my  son(hindsight  IS  20/20) !  &  now,  when  I  contact

      Catholic  Soc. Services,   they  say  that  (allegedly) the  adoptive  couple  won 't  accept  anything  from  me,

      AND  don 't  want  me  asking  for  ANY/CURRENT  info   and/or  pics  of  my  son  . :-(

                                                                                                                        Patrick's  birthmom,

                                                                                                                                          Lori  L.

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