Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss Support

Need to unload.
by ItsMe89
March 18, 2011 at 1:29 PM

Granted, I tend to stay away from the open questions on parenting and the like since I can't usually give a first hand oppion.

but today I'm hurting and need to unload.

I've been bashed for playing such a role in my nieces life and fighting to attend Nieces functions despite her mother's objections. I will be attending one tonight. I've been asked why her mom objects. here's the story I never really told out of respect for my SIL
When my niece was born her mother  was certain it was a boy and very disappointed when she had a girl. Thank god my BIL (DH's brother)was totally into being her parent.

I on the other hand was thrilled when she was a girl. Her mom had me take care of niece #1 a great deal from day one and I formed a bond with this child while her mom didn't seem to. It may have been postpartum depression, but I'm not the only person that expressed interest in my SIL's apparent lack of interest in her child. Maybe I was out of line in some ways, but I don't feel the need to apologize for being the one that carried the pictures of my niece in my wallet. My SIL would even aske me 'why would you take a picture of her eating?' 'because she had just learned how to eat with a spoon and fork and she wanted to show me.' SIL didn't uderstand why anyone would be interested in such a thing.

Her mom would do things like show her a ultrasound picture on a bad day and tell her that she liked her better back in those days.
So what was I supposed to do when my niece would run to me crying her eyes out? Push her away because I'm not the one that gave birth to her?
many tell me just to stay out of it and I do, much more often than I'd like.
But if my niece comes to me I'm not going to push her away.

when my niece would want a hug from mommy, mommy would tell her no. So I was always there to give her lots of hugs.My SIL had tried in the past to peg me as being 'overly affectionate' with my niece, since that MUST  be the case since I hugged her more that mommy did. Since I've seen my SIL her only a few hugs and evertime she did she cringed, it's not like that would be hard!

Mind you, my nieces father has never voiced that he agrees with my SIL. From what he has told me he thinks it's wonderul that I'm ther for my nieces so much.

as far as attending her school functions, the school staff makes a point of thanking me for showing up. I'm pretty sure they have heard my SIL's objections.

as for why my SIL doesn't want me to show up at these functions, I can only guess why. She at one point stated that she wanted some things to be 'just them' I found out pretty quickly that she didn't want us involved in any functions where others would be.

I can only guess as to why she feels this way. She used to be fine with it, but she changed her tune when people started pointing out how my niece would come to me when she needed something and some would even ask why isn't your SIL taking care of your niece? Why is she leaving it up to you? Many people were shocked to find out that I wasn't her mother.

I just needed to unload, maybe some on here will judge me, but I stand by what I did and what I continue to do.

I do all I can to consider my SIL's feelings, but if respecting my SIL's feelings means to never attend my nieces school functions or to not tell her that I love her, then I guess I'll be guilty of being disrespectful.

I know this post was very long, but to tell the whole story would be longer still.

I just needed to unload.


  • lasombrs
    March 18, 2011 at 7:58 PM
    i am so sorry. My bil is like that with his kids. He seems he cant stand them. Dh does things for his girls even though we dont live in the same state. The youngest refused to go to a daddy daughter dance because uncle scott could not take her. The oldest went and her father sat in a corner texting people all night. The man is useless. Keep up the good work! The girl will thank you in the future.
  • Txmommy13
    March 19, 2011 at 3:56 PM

    I agree do what you can for the little girl.I think the girls mother doesnt want you around your niece because SHE feels she is being judged and others can see just how unattentive she is toward her dd.The little girl shouldnt have to lose an aunt because of this and you shouldnt be told to stay away from her school functions you should be allowed to be a part of your niece's life.

    My dh and i have afriend  who's like that.The mother had depression issues before she had her child and after she had him it got even worse.She had ppd and litterally couldnt even care for her child so the dad did thankfully.But ive had one convo with her and all she did was complain about how much she didnt think she could ever be a mom and how much she dislikes it.

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