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Going back to my maiden name
May 24, 2013 at 3:50 PM
My ex and I have been informally separated for about a year and a half now. But I was living with him still, until two months ago (I had nowhere else to go and couldn't financially support myself, so I stayed for as long as I could handle the abuse). So I moved out two months ago, am filing for divorce, have been seeing someone for a month (a good friend of mine whom I've known since junior high), and I would really like to drop my married name now. I know that legally I can't yet, but I want to drop it on Facebook, at the very least. I have no ties to the name, I don't have a career to think about, etc. Everyone already knows me by my maiden name anyway. I just don't want to see like I'm being a jerk to my ex. As horrible as he was to me, I know he's having a hard time right now and I don't want to rock any boats. But I also really don't want or have any need to keep his last name. Just wanting to change it first on Facebook. Feels weird for me to keep it when everyone knows we're not together.


  • MamaHens3
    May 24, 2013 at 4:18 PM

    You do what you feel you need to do, as harsh as it sounds let your soon ex deal with this how he has to. First step is change it on FB, legally you can put on the papers when it's final you are going back to your maiden. Good luck 

    I know when I  got the papers, he requested my XDH aka troll I change my last name. I wanted to yet same time I felt wierd. I wouldn't have my three big kids same name anymore, yet I was prego with my fourth not the trolls child. An I wasn't going to give her her BD's, he didn't care about me when prego and he wasn't getting his last name attached to her. I went back to my maiden since I wanted my youngest to have mine, and that meant changing it. An I agreed, and when the divorce was final it changed legally. I had to change everything though, which I didn't like which meant my SS# and finally this year got done changing everything.  IF I get married again, I'm just adding a name to my maiden. An my youngest will still match mine. :) 

    May 24, 2013 at 5:06 PM
    My Mom did it on fb first too. I know others that do it. Its totally up to you and might give you the courage to become the new single you :)
  • LauraMH
    by LauraMH
    May 24, 2013 at 5:13 PM
    I'm so happy you left him Meg!!!
  • Meg_the_Mermaid
    May 24, 2013 at 7:25 PM's interesting how something just snapped in me. I just had enough. I was done. I mean, we'd been separated for a long time anyway, but I had been so scared to move and start a new life until one day I just decided that I wanted a new life more than to stay in the same crappy spot with him. You know? I couldn't be happier!

    Quoting LauraMH:

    I'm so happy you left him Meg!!!

  • kitty8199
    May 24, 2013 at 7:29 PM
    I have a friend who i don't even know her legal last name. She goes by her maiden. She's still legally married, but separated for like two years.
  • LauraMH
    by LauraMH
    May 24, 2013 at 9:37 PM
    Quoting Meg_the_Mermaid:

    I remember when something snapped in me too and I said "I can't do this any more". It's auch a good feeling to move on after it! I'm just so happy for you :)
  • Mamavelt
    May 24, 2013 at 9:49 PM
    When I started my job right after the separation I told them my legal name, but asked to go by my maiden name. It still confuses some people at work :) but I needed to do it to help reestablish my identity and reclaim control of my life.
  • lydi
    by lydi
    May 25, 2013 at 6:34 PM

     My mom goes by her maiden on fb and has been seperated for years.  So I think if it makes you happy or feels true to yourself go for it. 

  • Robsessed98
    May 25, 2013 at 10:27 PM
    You can stop using it any time you want except for on legal matters. Request it be changed in the divorce and be done. :)
  • sid1083
    by sid1083
    May 26, 2013 at 12:34 AM
    You're completely separate from him now. I wouldn't worry about hurting his feelings.

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