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Cafe AmyS
Do your kids have the same last name as you?
April 25, 2013 at 11:48 AM

I saw this in The Stir -  Do your kids share your last name?

My Baby Has a Different Last Name Than Me & Sometimes It Bums Me Out

by Nicole Fabian-Weber

mom babyThere's a conversation going on on CafeMom right now about whether or not it matters if your kid's last name matches yours, and I had to jump in, because, man, do I know this situation. My daughter's last name is different than mine. Not much different, but different enough. I go by "Fabian-Weber", while she's just "Weber". I didn't want to give her a hyphenated name, as, let's be honest, it is a mouthful; but also, if she wants to hyphenate her last name some day, things could get tricky. Fabian-Weber-Smith? Too much.

Originally, I didn't change my name at all. And my husband was fine with it. But when we started discussing having kids, I thought it would be nice for all parties if I had "Weber" in my name, too. And so I went through all the annoying red tape and took off of work so I could sit in a courtroom in Brooklyn all day and changed my name.

But now I sometimes feel like it's still not enough.

Growing up, everyone in my household had the same last name. We were all Fabians. My parents were old school Italians, and I seriously doubt the conversation of whether or not my mom should change or hyphenate her name ever came up. When my friends came over, it was "Hi, Mrs. Fabian"; and when we went on school trips, "Fabian" was the last name my mom signed on the permission slip. She was my mom and her last name matched mine perfectly. When my daughter gets older, it won't be that simple for her.

I'm not overly worried about the whole "signing them out of school" thing that everyone always talks about. My last name does have "Weber" in it, and I hardly think I'm the only person in the New York City area to hyphenate their name. But sometimes, like when her grandparents refer to her as a "true Weber", it creates a sort of divide. I gave birth to her. Why don't we have the same last name?

On the other hand, I feel like changing my last name would send the wrong message to my daughter. No disrespect to people who take their husband's last names -- many friends of mine have taken their husband's surname, and like I said, my mother did, as well -- but it's just not "me". Not only do I feel like my maiden name is a big part of my life -- I grew up with that name -- it connects me to my mother, who died three years ago. Also, I don't want to feel like I've become a completely different person after getting married and having kids -- and I feel like that's how it may look to me on paper were I to change my name.

If my daughter wants to take her husband's last name when she grows up, that's a-okay with me. Her name, her choice. A goal of mine is to always respect her as an individual, and remember that she's not an extension of me. We're two different people. But I hope she understands why her mom has a different last name than her -- and eventually respects it, too.

Do you have a different last name from your baby?

Replies

  • Cafe AmyS
    April 25, 2013 at 11:49 AM

    None of my kids share my last name (my oldest has his dad's last name and I reverted back to my maiden name after my divorce so my younger kids have a different last name as well). 

  • virginiamama71
    April 25, 2013 at 11:56 AM

     I never took my ex husband's name when we married.

    My son has his father's last name.

    It has never caused any issues with schools, camps and all other activies cause I am the one who has always been there to sign him up, pick/drop him off, volunteer,  so I am more known around places than his father is.

  • MommieJ
    by MommieJ
    April 25, 2013 at 12:01 PM

    My ex-husband an I divorced last Dec. I kept his last name rather then going back to my maiden because this is the name that my daughter has. I wantd it to remain the same that way there is less confusion on her part as well as any other parties that become involved. Such as school, daycare or other functions or events. I am also 34 weeks pregnant and this new baby will also have the same last name for the same reasons. 

    When and if I remarry I will most likely change my name and then that would be up to my daughters and their daddy. A discussion to be had when and if the time comes. 

  • rocky_mtn_mama
    April 25, 2013 at 2:00 PM

    No, my kids have their fathers' last names.

  • Lovingmommy1028
    April 25, 2013 at 2:02 PM

    my son has both my last name & his dad last name 

  • Stephd710
    April 25, 2013 at 2:07 PM

    Yes, i kept my married name when I got divorced.  Its just easier.  I didnt have to change accounts or anything all over again and I like it being the same as my girls. 

  • steviechick
    April 25, 2013 at 3:22 PM

    I have two two alieses and two different reasons why I use them.  I use my maiden name all due to my ex and his financial problems.  Thank goodness I kept my maiden name on everything financially and never did anything jointly with him otherwise I would have had garnishments and more than likley a huge financial nightmare to dig myself out of.  I use my maiden name still for everything financially.  Professionally and socially I use my married name.  Too complicated to tell everyone about my 'problem' and too expensive and too much paperwork to change my married name to my maiden name. 

  • IloveNCIS
    April 25, 2013 at 4:49 PM

    My son has my last name. His father hasn't been in the picture from the beginning.

  • Kazmira222
    April 25, 2013 at 4:51 PM
    My son has my name. Altho it is hyphenated with his fathers.
  • Monsita
    by Monsita
    April 25, 2013 at 5:13 PM

     


    Quoting rocky_mtn_mama:

    No, my kids have their fathers' last names.


     goodMY KIDS AND I KEPT THEIR DAD'S LAST NAME!!!

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