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babies father has a new girlfriend and i'm still pregnant?
April 21, 2013 at 1:30 AM

My name is Theresa, i am currently 17 weeks and 6 days pregnant. My due date is september 23rd 2013

my issue is that the guy i was living with and conceived both mine and his first child with is now dating another girl just three months after we broke up and while i don't harbor any feelings for him considering i'm the one who ended the relationship it still bothers me alot more than i expected. Once reason i think it bothers me is because the whole reason we didn't work is because he refused to commit to a relationship and refused to stop talking to other girls, and after all the stress he put me through with my decision to keep the baby he is now dating some girl he barely knows who has a baby herself?

he and i have had a rocky relationship ever since we broke up, he didn't want the baby and refused to tell his family, when he said he was going to just pretend i had an abortion and walk away i was so angry with his immaturity that i told his mother for him, since then he has made a complete 180 degrees and was acting like he was super excited....i wasn't fooled. after my father passed away and he only acted rude and harsh on such a terrible day, and after not helping me with anything pregnancy related (medicaid, wic, etc.) i told him that besides appointments i wanted nothing to do with him (this also had to do with him insisting on a paternity test...silly to me considering we lived together and spent everyday i'm just not a cheater). he was only too happy to do as i asked at first but lately he has been texting me silly things asking random questions....most i ignored unless they were about the baby. But now that i know he has a gf, wasn't planning on even telling me and he has also refused to tell anybody in his family besides his parents about the pregnancy i have told him i no longer want him at the appointments....i don't think its fair that his presence should ruin my experience now that he obviously doesnt care about me or the baby.

my overall question is..... Do you think i was too harsh? and/or What would you do in my place? also Why do you think that his new girlfriend is bothering me so much when i really wouldn't want to get back together with him?


  • missmaddiesue
    April 21, 2013 at 2:31 AM

    i don't think that 's too harsh. you need to do what's best for you and the baby, and if that means not having him at appointments then so be it!! my baby's dad started seeing another girl when i was around 20 weeks. i was infuriated! we had already decided not to date, but it still bothered me that maybe he could be there for this girl when he was completely incapable of being there for me and our child (it didn't last between those two anyways). so maybe that's what bothers you. and just because you don't want to be with him, doesn't mean you want him to be with anyone else, especially since you're carrying his child. i think your feelings are totally rational, but then again, i'm a fellow pregger! ;) i hope everything works out for you and your little one and that IF he can step up and be a good involved daddy, that he does so soon. otherwise i hope you continue to have the strength to not let his actions affect your happiness and mental state <3

  • SaraSnider
    April 21, 2013 at 2:36 AM
    well my daughters dad got a different girl pregnant while i was pregnant. good luck.
  • theresa13183
    April 21, 2013 at 4:34 AM

    oh wow i'm sorry that happened, i can't even imagine how id react to something like that. To the father of your child out making siblings for your kid left and right.

  • ajohnson08099
    April 21, 2013 at 8:29 AM
    I know how you feel!

    You may not have feelings for him but it still hurts when they let you down, prove you right (in that they weren't who you thought), or just make you feel inadequit about yourself. My bd has done much the same. I "asked" him to leave when I was 22 weeks (26 weeks now) that very same night he moved in with his "other baby momma" and now claims her two kids as his own and I've only heard from him once... about money.

    I don't blame you for just saying don't bother with the appointments or keeping up the act. I really believe if a man wants to e there... they will(or try to) be.

    Just know someone isn't magically better with someone else. You did the right thing. Try not to dwell on him it will only make you go crazy!! If he wants to be a good dad he will be. Take care of yourself and your baby.. live it up! Make cute decorations get some cute maternity tops ect ect. Enjoy this intimate time you have with your sweet little one while they are just yours.

    Good luck momma there are many of us crazy preggo ladies here that can relate to exactly what you are feeling.
  • dawncs
    by dawncs
    April 21, 2013 at 10:13 AM

    No, you are not being harsh. He is being a player right now in hopes of getting out of child support. With you on state assistance, they will file for child support once the baby is born. It is like 17% of his income before taxes are taking out. He does not want to be held responsible for his actions at all because he chose to have sex with you, and there is always the risk even with birth control that a woman can get pregnant. You might want to remind him of it. Tell him he might chose to ignore the baby when he or she is born, but his children from a future relationship will find out one day besides his spouse. His spouse will know because they will do income witholding from his paycheck until the baby is 18 or graduates from high school. They might look down on him very badly for his decision, and he can never take those years that he missed with your child back. You might want to remind him of it. 

  • reynab27
    April 21, 2013 at 11:23 AM
    Hun...i know it hurts but the same problems you had with him im sure shes having with as much as it hurts or bothers you in time youll see your better off
  • DissieDothe
    April 21, 2013 at 12:16 PM


    Quoting theresa13183:

    My name is Theresa, i am currently 17 weeks and 6 days pregnant. My due date is september 23rd 2013

    my overall question is..... Do you think i was too harsh? and/or What would you do in my place? also Why do you think that his new girlfriend is bothering me so much when i really wouldn't want to get back together with him?

    You ended what you knew not what he says. You didn't tell us about the gf but he has probably told her a pack of lies. Go your way before he convinces someone to beat you up.


  • Lillysmommy0113
    April 21, 2013 at 1:05 PM

    my dds father and i broke up when i was 14 weeks and he got another girl pregnant when i was 15 weeks. my dd is now 3.5 months and its still hard to be around him but i cut him out of her life b/c hes a POS and never wanted anything to do with my dd. i dont think youre been too harsh, just do whats best for you and our child.

  • cnkmama
    by cnkmama
    April 21, 2013 at 8:57 PM
    I dont think its harsh. Dont stress yourself out. I didnt find out my ex had a new girl at the same time as me until he put me in the hospital for high blood pressure n I had to have my son 6 weeks early. He actually brought her to the hospital and made her stay in the hall...boy was I pissed when I found out he did that. Man I wish I wouldve never called him to the hospital when they told me I had to deliver immediately. But no leave his ass if he wants to be apart of the babys life he can when he or she is born.
  • LifeCafe42
    April 21, 2013 at 11:54 PM
    Hugs it won't be easy because you have something with him to move on. She's the one in for a big surprise

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