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lovemy2kids.
Custody question.. Need advice.. NO bashing!
April 13, 2013 at 5:17 PM

I am a single, SAHM of two kids. My kids have different fathers. I share 50/50 custody with my son's father and have yet gone to court for my daughter, so she is with me full time. Neither of us have filed for custody (or from what I know). We live in a small town that really doesn't have too much to offer. I am really wanting to get back into school so that I can get a good job and make a better life for my kids and me. I have been thinking about moving. I know it wouldn't be and easy thing to do, but it is something I have been wanting to do for a long time. I guess what I'm wondering is...

I was wondering if there is anyone else on here who shares custody, but doesn't live in the same town as the father? How do you do it? Was it easy? 

And is it wrong for me to want to move away? Everyone always makes me feel bad and always asks, well what about your son? (because I have split custody) My kids are a big reason on why I want to move and get away from this S*** hole town. I want to make a better life for them and so they can have more opportunities with things. 

I guess I am just looking for someone elses opinion or persepective other then my families.. Thanks! :)

Replies

  • lovemy2kids.
    April 15, 2013 at 8:23 PM

    I didn't know that me wanting to go to school was only in my best interest. The reason I am going won't be just for me, but so I can have a way to support my kids. My son's dad wouldn't object to it. We would just have to come up with a different agreement. 

    Quoting Oliviasmom72:

    you are going to have a difficult time moving, esp if the sons father objects. The courts are going to see the relationship he has as more important plus there are schools near you. You can ask him and be prepared to make him a more than fair offer to move. That would mean you paying for transportation for the child for visits several times a year. Dad certainly does not have to agree. You may find yourself in an expensive court battle only to be told no.

    Since there is no family in your area you are moving, I cannot possibly see a court honoring it and finding it it in the kids best interest. It sounds like it is more in your best interest. If you want to move bad enough, you may have to live the one child with Dad.

    If I were Dad absolutely no way would i consent to an out of state move with a child I frequently see, but to each his own.


  • Oliviasmom72
    April 15, 2013 at 8:49 PM
    The court may req you to find a closer school. If dad has 50/50 he would be a total fool to agree to the move esp since there is no family in this new area. If you can actually get him to agree to this move, well good for you.
  • lilly_av_momma
    April 15, 2013 at 8:51 PM

    we only live like 30-45 minutes away from each other.

  • musicalcat31
    April 21, 2013 at 11:35 PM

     i hope someone reads this i have a serious problem.  my son is 10 weeks old and baby daddy isn't involved and hasn't been since i got pregnant. out of the blue he facebooks me and says he is going to serve me papers.  can he get custody if his name isn't on the birth certificate? i dont want anything to do with him he has hurt me physically and is not fit to be a father so what should i do? there is no reasoning with him.

     

  • lovemy2kids.
    April 23, 2013 at 7:21 PM

    I'm not sure how it all works if his name isn't on the birth certificate. If you have the money, I'd suggest talking to a lawyer. 

    Quoting musicalcat31:

     i hope someone reads this i have a serious problem.  my son is 10 weeks old and baby daddy isn't involved and hasn't been since i got pregnant. out of the blue he facebooks me and says he is going to serve me papers.  can he get custody if his name isn't on the birth certificate? i dont want anything to do with him he has hurt me physically and is not fit to be a father so what should i do? there is no reasoning with him.



  • momma_2013
    April 23, 2013 at 11:02 PM
    i moved 2 years ago with my 2 younger kids... we went to tennesse witch is 480 miles away from their father... if you are doing it to better your self and your childern then do it... i did i just met him half way every other weekend..
  • dom3269
    by dom3269
    April 24, 2013 at 6:29 AM
    You should repost this in the Custody Issues page. There are some ladies with some verh helpful info there. Good luck!


    Quoting musicalcat31:

     i hope someone reads this i have a serious problem.  my son is 10 weeks old and baby daddy isn't involved and hasn't been since i got pregnant. out of the blue he facebooks me and says he is going to serve me papers.  can he get custody if his name isn't on the birth certificate? i dont want anything to do with him he has hurt me physically and is not fit to be a father so what should i do? there is no reasoning with him.

     


  • lovemybabes3
    April 24, 2013 at 9:49 AM

    im in the same spot...i am a sahm to 5 kids and have joint custody w/ my ex...we live about 15 min away and i live w/ my mother and things are not easy here w/ her...my family basically doesnt want to help me anymore bc they dont like my bf or my choices...they tell me i shouldnt work or go to school when i wanted to but that i should stay home w/ the kids...i went to try to get interviews and had 2 but my mom thought it was better to cancel the one...i even went to a school to get info and she said maybe its better to stay home and save...now i have to pay her rent and if i were to get a job, i dont think they would help me w/ the kids and daycare is expensive...i have thought about moving away and i can move anywhere in the state i honestly dont care what my parents think bc they think i am ungrateful after i tell them i appreciate everything they have done but bc i dont do exactly what they want me to do they are basically ready to disown me...which is fine, i never felt part of their family anyways, im the black sheep of the family

    but you need to do what is best for you and your kids...if it means leaving and it says in your agreement that you can move x amount of miles or stay within the state, do it...i wish i could just pack up now and leave

  • Affinity05
    April 24, 2013 at 11:01 AM

     

    I definitely agree with Mrsladylala. I am a single mother with two daughters, I was active military with my kids and got out to work for the government and do the military part-time. I also currently go to school to finish up my degree. My advice to you is, in order to make your kids happy in life and show them opportunity, you have to first make yourself happy and show them that regardless of what life situations may come your way you continue to follow your dreams. At the end of the day, your children aren't just looking at the values you set in place for them or the opportunities you were able to afford them, but mostly how many of those values and opportunities you are trying to instill in them that you yourself live by. Our children watch and see us and follow that. Whatever your heart tells you to do you do because it shows them mommy never gave up, she continued to finish school to provide for us and she finds ways to be happy so that she can show us how to be happy.

    It seems as though your sons dad will be ok with whatever your decision is. As far as the custody of your daughter and what you should do about that, I am not sure what advice to give. Is her dad in the picture and if so have you talked to him about the decision? I have custody of both my girls, but I was in a different situation. I was watching life-time one day and it actually showed me what I needed.

    Whatever you decide though...your decision has to be whats best for you because if you base your decision on everyone else or even what you or someone else says is best for your kids you will be unhappy. No one can say whats best for your child but you. But if you aren't happy you can't possible make someone else happy. Kids sense our emotions and they will know especially when they begin to show in your actions.

    Quoting mrsladylala:

    I say do it! But that's coming from a Cali girl who moved to NY for five years just cuz. I feel you on the regret part, so like I said just do it. If it doesn't work out you can always move back, nothing is permanent.


     

  • Jazmyn1
    by Jazmyn1
    April 27, 2013 at 2:54 PM
    My sons father is in another state. It isnt easy. But if the father is willing to work with you I say go for it! My aons dad doeant work with us so thats different. You have to live your life and deff go back to school!!! Good luck be true to you

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