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GoldenLinds
Coping with No Support
March 29, 2013 at 5:40 PM
What is the opposite of support? That's what I get. Its really starting to wear on me.
I live with my parents with my almost 2 year old. I work 4 days a week amd cover my bills amd contribute financially to the house. I take care of my son and mostly mind my own business.
I have recently begun trying to find a little me time. I started seeing a guy and we've been out 3 times in as many weeks. My brother does all the babysitting for me.
Today I mentioned to my mom that I need to find a day when I can go do paperwork without having to take and fight with my son. I need to get divorced! My mom immediately starts laying into me with such hate and judgement. I got lectured about how I can't go living my life without my son and how I need to take responsibilityfor caring for him. How she did everything on her own (which os total crap! I was there). She then proceeds to remind me that my husband was a simpke man and my marriage fell apart bbecause I was too selfish. Apparently I just needed to keep hi m supplied with booze and ignore him and I could be perfectly happy right now. I am wrong for objecting to his alcohol problem and the fact that he moved 2500 miles away to shack up with some ugly puerto rican emo chick.
I just feel so heartbroken. She makes me out to be so petty and immature and spoiled. I don't even know what to think. I hate wondering if she's right and I just don't see it. I try to do everything for my son. I don't let anyone help out when I'm around. I never work more than 5 hours at a time and rush home to be with him. The few dates I've been on were equally short. In his life I've only been out alone 5 times. But I still get grief for being a nonpresent parent. I really am heartbroken. I had no idea my mom thought so little of me. I thought moms were supposed to think the best of you. If that's the best she thinks I feel like I must be the worstt person alive.
I don't know how to get past this feeling.

Replies

  • arkmomma06
    March 29, 2013 at 6:05 PM

    Hugs to you...



  • faerie75
    March 29, 2013 at 6:22 PM

     she sounds like the type that will tolerate anything to stay married. you arent. nothing wrong w that.

  • Brittanyrb20
    March 29, 2013 at 6:52 PM
    People aren't perfect so we shouldn't allow people who do so little for us to take over so much of our emotions. Im in the same place you are. No support But God makes a way out of what seems like noway. Keep pushing forward things will get better.
  • ImaSoulMom
    March 29, 2013 at 8:35 PM
    In a perfect world mothers would just be supportive and loving. Unfortunately, that is not the world we live in. I know living with family is hard, but if that is what you need to do right now then you have to deal with it until you move out on your own.

    It seems like she resents that you are dating while someone else is watching your son. Even if it's a short date. It might not be fair but you are living with them. It might also be best if you get divorced before dating. End one relationship completely before beginning another one.
  • GoldenLinds
    March 29, 2013 at 9:35 PM
    I have neither seen nor spoken to my ex in 2 years. That relationship is over. I just haven't gotten the paperwork done. The guy I'm seeing knows that. I don't see how its any of her business if I'm dating and getting a babysitter. Its not her doing the watching and I'm an adult.

    Quoting ImaSoulMom:

    In a perfect world mothers would just be supportive and loving. Unfortunately, that is not the world we live in. I know living with family is hard, but if that is what you need to do right now then you have to deal with it until you move out on your own.



    It seems like she resents that you are dating while someone else is watching your son. Even if it's a short date. It might not be fair but you are living with them. It might also be best if you get divorced before dating. End one relationship completely before beginning another one.
  • GoldenLinds
    March 29, 2013 at 9:40 PM
    Yeah. I don't think she has any concept. She and my dad have been together for 32 years. Nevrr anu cheating or abuse or anything. Its just outside her realm. I just don't see how she can blame me for it.

    Quoting faerie75:

     she sounds like the type that will tolerate anything to stay married. you arent. nothing wrong w that.

  • GoldenLinds
    March 29, 2013 at 9:43 PM
    In all reality I shouldn't be surprised. This is the same woman who saod I was being selfish for grieving when I miscarried at 4 months. Also the same woman who thought I was being selfish for wanting to choose my own wedding dress so I should know better but it still hurts.

    Quoting Brittanyrb20:

    People aren't perfect so we shouldn't allow people who do so little for us to take over so much of our emotions. Im in the same place you are. No support But God makes a way out of what seems like noway. Keep pushing forward things will get better.
  • GoldenLinds
    March 29, 2013 at 9:45 PM
    Also to be clear I live with my parents to help support them not because I'm destitute- before you making that assumption too.

    Quoting GoldenLinds:

    I have neither seen nor spoken to my ex in 2 years. That relationship is over. I just haven't gotten the paperwork done. The guy I'm seeing knows that. I don't see how its any of her business if I'm dating and getting a babysitter. Its not her doing the watching and I'm an adult.



    Quoting ImaSoulMom:

    In a perfect world mothers would just be supportive and loving. Unfortunately, that is not the world we live in. I know living with family is hard, but if that is what you need to do right now then you have to deal with it until you move out on your own.





    It seems like she resents that you are dating while someone else is watching your son. Even if it's a short date. It might not be fair but you are living with them. It might also be best if you get divorced before dating. End one relationship completely before beginning another one.
  • ImaSoulMom
    March 29, 2013 at 10:09 PM
    Wow. You posted your situation. But isn't it funny how we take the time to do the paperwork when we want to get married and it means something. But when we want to end a relationship it is suddenly just a piece of paper that doesn't matter. If it mattered enough for you to get it, it should matter enough to end it properly.

    When you live with people, they are in your business. That's how it is. If you don't like it and you are helping out then just ask if she would rather live separately. If not, ask her to respect your privacy. You need boundaries and a backbone. If you are an adult, don't expect support or for her to love every decision you make.


    Quoting GoldenLinds:

    Also to be clear I live with my parents to help support them not because I'm destitute- before you making that assumption too.



    Quoting GoldenLinds:

    I have neither seen nor spoken to my ex in 2 years. That relationship is over. I just haven't gotten the paperwork done. The guy I'm seeing knows that. I don't see how its any of her business if I'm dating and getting a babysitter. Its not her doing the watching and I'm an adult.





    Quoting ImaSoulMom:

    In a perfect world mothers would just be supportive and loving. Unfortunately, that is not the world we live in. I know living with family is hard, but if that is what you need to do right now then you have to deal with it until you move out on your own.







    It seems like she resents that you are dating while someone else is watching your son. Even if it's a short date. It might not be fair but you are living with them. It might also be best if you get divorced before dating. End one relationship completely before beginning another one.

  • GoldenLinds
    March 29, 2013 at 10:19 PM
    Yes. I did post my situation. I posted how hurt I was at such an unexpected and undeserved response. Again you are making every worst possible assumption. So you think I haven't gotten divorced because I'm too lazy to bother. Bitch much? You know none of the particulars or why I've waited and its none of your business. You've entirely missed the entire point of my post and its sad that you are so judgemental. Becaise I'm an adult I aldo know when to pick my battles.

    Quoting ImaSoulMom:

    Wow. You posted your situation. But isn't it funny how we take the time to do the paperwork when we want to get married and it means something. But when we want to end a relationship it is suddenly just a piece of paper that doesn't matter. If it mattered enough for you to get it, it should matter enough to end it properly.



    When you live with people, they are in your business. That's how it is. If you don't like it and you are helping out then just ask if she would rather live separately. If not, ask her to respect your privacy. You need boundaries and a backbone. If you are an adult, don't expect support or for her to love every decision you make.




    Quoting GoldenLinds:

    Also to be clear I live with my parents to help support them not because I'm destitute- before you making that assumption too.





    Quoting GoldenLinds:

    I have neither seen nor spoken to my ex in 2 years. That relationship is over. I just haven't gotten the paperwork done. The guy I'm seeing knows that. I don't see how its any of her business if I'm dating and getting a babysitter. Its not her doing the watching and I'm an adult.







    Quoting ImaSoulMom:

    In a perfect world mothers would just be supportive and loving. Unfortunately, that is not the world we live in. I know living with family is hard, but if that is what you need to do right now then you have to deal with it until you move out on your own.









    It seems like she resents that you are dating while someone else is watching your son. Even if it's a short date. It might not be fair but you are living with them. It might also be best if you get divorced before dating. End one relationship completely before beginning another one.

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