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Cafe AmyS
Let's CHAT! What turns you off/on in a dating profile?
March 18, 2013 at 3:35 PM

I saw this in The Stir - Let's discuss....

Man’s Hilariously Crazy Dating Profile Makes It Clear Why He’s Not Married Yet

by Kiri Blakeley

Having ridiculously unrealistic expectations while dating is probably one of the main things that keeps a lot of people from finding love. And it's not strictly the province of women. One 41-year-old New York man on OK Cupid might be wondering why he hasn't managed to find the woman of his dreams yet -- and this is very possibly because she doesn't exist.

The man, who goes by the handle "longdarkhandsome," describes what he's looking for in a woman -- and it's so outrageously out of whack with reality that he easily dispenses with 99.99999% of the female population. To wit:

His ideal woman must work out 6 days a week. She must like to "browse at Barneys and Bergdorf." She should like Shakespeare. She should look like Jessica Biel or Evangeline Lilly. Oh, and she should have a waist so tiny that she makes Barbie look like a truckdriver. Says longdarkhandsome:

You have a twenty-three to twenty-five inch waist. This is my definition of "slender". Please, have a photo as clear as the ones in my "my type" album. Thank you. Everybody has a mirror and a camera.

His "my type" album contains lots of photos of Jessica Biel. Here's the thing: Not even Jessica Biel has a 23-inch waist. Hers is supposedly 25 inches, but it's common practice to whittle a few inches off the waist and add a few to the bust when you're an actress. The tiniest waisted woman in the world has a 15-inch waist.

I can just barely fit in jeans with a 24-inch waist, and I'm one of the smallest women I know. Anyway, it's never a good idea to demand that your real life partners fit some kind of celebrity ideal.

The guy has some other interesting "quirks" to his profile, too. He goes into excruciating detail about his finances -- including his supposed trust fund -- and claims he has a penis "girth" of over five inches. He also blames his short stature on the fact that his mother didn't breast feed him. Sheesh, dude, get over it.

But since he claims he wants to send two children to "private school in TriBeca" he should really think a little about what might make him compatible with another human being besides waistline. Would any woman want to bear the children of a man this obsessed with waist measurement? Is he aware this will likely change after his "lucky" lady bears his offspring?

And, no, apparently this profile isn't a joke, though it would be a huge relief if it were. This man emailed a friend of mine (despite not knowing her waist size, though I'm sure he would have required proof of that before their first date) and when my friend wrote back congratulating him on his "hilarious profile," he was sorely offended.

What do you think of expectations in dating?

Replies

  • steviechick
    March 18, 2013 at 3:50 PM

    I don't date men on-line, but my future beau needs to be honest, trustworthy and down-to-earth.  I won't have anything to do with a man that reminds me of my ex.  He has to be totally opposite from him in order to woo me over. 

    So, according to this dude, his future lady has to be a certain physique?  God help her!  She better stay that perfect '10' or else she will get dumped.   LOL!

  • LilShamrock
    March 18, 2013 at 5:33 PM
    That man deserves a piece of wood with a big knot in it so he use it for "wishful thinking"!!!! And a note attached from all us single mama's that say "with love! The real women!"

    It's not that I've given up on dating, but after having a profiles on POF, Match, OKC at various times, I've noticed that there are the same people working the same sites....and they never change.

    I've decided to rely on the word of mouth method, as my 80yr old mother is working the single men for me! Lmao..:.and quite honestly, I have so much going on, that dating just doesn't feel right for me right now.

    Sham

  • virginiamama71
    March 18, 2013 at 6:03 PM

    We can all dream but we have to eventually face reality. 

  • Cafe AmyS
    March 18, 2013 at 6:11 PM

    Where do you meet potential partners?

    Quoting steviechick:

    I don't date men on-line, but my future beau needs to be honest, trustworthy and down-to-earth.  I won't have anything to do with a man that reminds me of my ex.  He has to be totally opposite from him in order to woo me over. 

    So, according to this dude, his future lady has to be a certain physique?  God help her!  She better stay that perfect '10' or else she will get dumped.   LOL!


  • Cafe AmyS
    March 18, 2013 at 6:12 PM

    LOL 

    I can relate to having too many other things going on to worry about dating.

    Quoting LilShamrock:

    That man deserves a piece of wood with a big knot in it so he use it for "wishful thinking"!!!! And a note attached from all us single mama's that say "with love! The real women!"

    It's not that I've given up on dating, but after having a profiles on POF, Match, OKC at various times, I've noticed that there are the same people working the same sites....and they never change.

    I've decided to rely on the word of mouth method, as my 80yr old mother is working the single men for me! Lmao..:.and quite honestly, I have so much going on, that dating just doesn't feel right for me right now.

    Sham


  • brieri
    by brieri
    March 18, 2013 at 9:26 PM

     

    Quoting Cafe AmyS:

    Where do you meet potential partners?

     Home Depot - yes  that's the place we should all be hanging out at!  LOL. 

    Loews is a good place too!   

  • steviechick
    March 19, 2013 at 10:31 AM

     


    Quoting Cafe AmyS:

    Where do you meet potential partners?

    Quoting steviechick:

    I don't date men on-line, but my future beau needs to be honest, trustworthy and down-to-earth.  I won't have anything to do with a man that reminds me of my ex.  He has to be totally opposite from him in order to woo me over. 

    So, according to this dude, his future lady has to be a certain physique?  God help her!  She better stay that perfect '10' or else she will get dumped.   LOL!


    Anywhere I can!  In an open venue.  When I'm with my lady friends at local sports bar.  When I'm at a restaurant.  Perhaps when I'm at the golfing range this spring/summer and late fall.  Just about anywhere where there are a lot of people and things going on.  The more you get out and more you will be noticed.

     

  • sid1083
    by sid1083
    March 19, 2013 at 2:05 PM

    As crazy and slightly unrealistic as his "standards" are, at least he's honest. We all have preferences, and I'd rather someone get theirs out of the way first thing so I know whether or not to bother responding.

    For me, there are a few things that turn me off: horrible spelling/grammar, pics with the ex(s), group pics where you don't know who he is, ones that primarily feature their kids, and guys who spout off cliches.

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