I have a problem and Im not sure where to turn to get answers so when I came across this sight I took it as a sign from god to see if maybe someone hear could help me understand what we are going threw now after 13 years My son 's father wants to take me to court to obtaine shared custody I have given his father the chance to be a father to my son when my son was 9 I payed his bus ticket to bring him to see our son but my sons father was an emotional wreck over some girl he was with in california so I told him he needed to leave and I took him back to the bus the next day he never contacted us again till my son turned 11 he called out of the blue and said he was on his way to us and that he missed us and wanted to be a family Of course the kids and I talked about it and we decided to give him another chance so he arrived on june 25th 2012 everything was good then a few weeks later my 10 yr old daughters father showed up he offered me and my sons dad a house to live in but we had to move to Iowa we asked about the house my daughters dad and girl friend told us that the house we were going to be in was in good condition there was a stove,fridge,running water the roof was good it stayed warm in the winter and if you have fans running it is cool in the summer I had a gut feeling they were lieing to me to get me down there so they could steal my kids but My sons dad said trust it if he say that don't worry if he said the house is in good condition then its good condition and as far as the kids go don't worrie we would never take the kids from you you are a good mom you have raised the kids to be healthy and strong and super smart. when we arrived in Greenville Iowa the house wasnt all we were told it was not at all stupid me i agreed to move there I had it in my mind that I would be the bigger person and move to where the kids can see there dads since the last time my daughter had seen her dad was at age 3 and now 10 and well my son was 9 and now 11 so we moved to Iowa but we were there only a few days and Austins dad started in with the yelling and the screaming and telling me I needed to wisper when I talk to the kids I was not aloud to do or say much around him unless he had asked me a question then I could answer him but not around the kids,that all changed the day my youngest who was 7 at the time walked in and said something to my sons dad and he slapped her so hard across the face he left a larfe red hand print on her face I got so mad I yelled at him my baby ran out of the house crying she hid under the pickup truck I ran out after her to see if she was ok she yelled no Im not he hit me I gott her out from under the truck and say the beat red hand print on her face I ran back in the house and told my sons dad he had to leave because I wasnt going to stand there and allow anyone to hit any of my kids he said Im sorry Im just tired Isaid i dont care you need to leave and a few days later he did I managed to get some money togather and took him to the bus I didnt even say good bye i just drove him and droped him off . it wasnt till 2 months later that trouble would come knocking on my door again this time it was my oldest daughters dad he Molested her when she was 3 on his first court visit so I was advised to not allow him to see her we never went to court on this because we couldnt find him so by rights I have to allow him to see her so thats what I was doing untill he decided that he was going to take my daughter to see an atturney and have her say she didn't want to live with me any more I got the news from him when he sent a note to the house for my daughter it said "Get to my house any way you can, love dad" so since I have custadey in Nebraska I got the kids in the car and we left we left all we owned behind we didnt take much I had the kids grabb what they wanted i didnt grab nothing for me I wasnt worried about me I was just worried about my kids we left GreenVille Iowa and went to Omaha neb we stayed with my sister till i was able to get a house we got a rent to own and We were so happy then my sister kicked her son out again so I took him in we were all doing good of course my sister got jellious because her son was doing way better living at my house then he was at hers and of course she decided to cause trouble for my family but it wasnt till the land lord decided to become greaty and want more money of course money he knew I didnt have so the kids and I packed up and we decided to go move to Oklahoma so we could be closer to my real family you see I grew up in foster care all my life so i necver knew my family but now I have that chance but here we go again now my sons dad wants to take me to court to try for joint custody my question is that my son is now 13 and he has already told his dad he dosnt want anything to do with him and he wants to stay with me but his dad has an atturney and now they believe they can steal my son from me by trying to trow me in jail because I moved out of nebraska but what i havent mentioned is that we moved out of nebraska due to a death treat that was made to me from my oldest daughters father and his now feioncey so do I have a chance to keep my kids with me If i refuse to move back to nebraska after all we have been here since June2012 and we have established a place to live a doctor a dentist an eye doctor and the kids are in school and next year I am going to home school my kids because I will be working from home I am in medical college I am a CNA AND A CMA I have decided to fruther my career in the medical field so I can better provide for my kids all my bills are paid in full I owe no one anything my kids are happy and healthy they have friends there is nothing more precious in my eyes then to see my 3 Angels smileing everyday am I in the wrong brecause I was scared for our lives ??? I am and have always done everything for my 3 Angels any advice will be help full thank you
by LifeCafe42February 18, 2013 at 12:04 PM
Welcome you have been through a lot. at 13 in most states they get to decide where they want to live. Get a legal consult so you can find out what your and your childs rights are in your state.
by steviechickFebruary 18, 2013 at 3:12 PM
Hi and welcome to the group. By the time a child is 12 in my state they can decide where they want to live. I would look at OK's legal statutes on declaring independence from one parent. I think the age there might be 12. Every state has it's own legal statutes to follow. Try and get a hold of your county's child support services for advice.
by tyfry7496February 18, 2013 at 3:20 PMActually they can not decide who they live with but a judge will take into consideration the child's wishes. If a judge allowed a child to decide there would be a lot of back and forth when a child doesn't get what they want.
It's a common misconception that I verified with an attorney.
Document everything and contact an attorney to help you out.
by Robsessed98February 18, 2013 at 4:24 PMI'm in OK. Usually a judge will take the child's opinion under advisement at 12, or will appoint a Guardian Ad Motel to speak for them. You need to find an attorney asap.
by brieriFebruary 18, 2013 at 6:39 PM
Hi and welcome to the group.
The best thing to do is to consult with an attorney. If your children have been in some of therapy to talk to someone, that's most important.