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divorce, child support, and dating
January 26, 2013 at 6:53 PM

hello i recently left my husband due to D.V. at moment he lives with his parents and his mom controls all is money he just started working 2 weeks ago we agree on custody and "child support" but i want to go get the process of divorce started i live in illinois does anyone know if i can get a divorce and not make it that he has to legally pay child support at the moment because i dont want to screw him cuz he has a lot of bills at moment and if he doesnt pay them he wont be able to get his prescriptions and to see his psyciatrist and without those he wouldnt be able to see the children. also when is it ok to think about talking to guys that might turn into more than just a friendship?


  • sid1083
    by sid1083
    January 26, 2013 at 6:59 PM
    I don't believe you can finalize a divorce without support. If you're that adamant about not receiving support at this time, you can simply return the money back to him. But at least the order will be there when you decide he's on better footing to pay.

    As far as moving on, only you can decide on a timeframe - it's different for everyone. Worst that can happen is after going out you discover you're not ready and take more time for yourself.
  • breebree04
    January 26, 2013 at 7:02 PM

    Im not sure how it works in your state but in my state if you guys agree on a price for child support they will set it at that. Im not sure how it works if you dont want him obligated to pay cs at all but here if you are on any PA you have to take him to court for cs. Everybody is different on the whole dating thing. If you feel like you are ready then you probably are. It doesnt matter how long its been or hasnt been as long as you feel ready but I wouldnt introduce anyone to your children until they are ready for that

  • elizabeth.mary
    January 26, 2013 at 7:52 PM

    First off why are you being so nice about this? This guy beat you which is why it's called domestic violence.

    As for the child support they will ask him about his bills and any other things that he has to pay for before they set the amount he will have to pay. As long as he reports his bills and the amount of his prescriptions they won't overcharge him and pretty much you'll hardly be getting anything at all.

    As for talking to guys I would just chill out. It seems to me as though this all happened very recently and even in your post you say you left him recently. You haven't even started the divorce process. Just give yourself time to get over him, to figure out who you are as a person by yourself and what you really want in life. Don't rush around into new relationships because they'll just end bad.

  • proudGBmama
    January 27, 2013 at 2:24 AM
    Yes state in the divorce decree that child support is to start on xx/xx/20xx that's how my ex and I did it
  • amonkeymom
    January 27, 2013 at 2:59 PM

    Welcome to the group.  

    I think you're a really nice person, and this man who has been abusive to you sure doesn't deserve the generousity you're offering him, but I can see that you are definitely the better person.  :)

    If you feel comfortable talking to/going out with new people, then go for it.  Personally, I'd be more comfortable waiting until the divorce was finalized, especially for the sake of the kids.

  • steviechick
    January 29, 2013 at 2:52 PM

    Hi and welcome to the group.  Your stbx has been abusive to you.  You are being the nice person in this divorce but I'm sure it has a lot to do with the kids and the fact that you have more decency then your stbx.  But, remember that in order for you to get a divorce a settlement has to be set up and that includes monetary support.  Get that in order.  If you think your stbx needs more money than you do then send some of it back.  He is living with his parents, so he can afford to give you some of his money.   You do have remember, too, that you are supporting kids.  They need as much as money as they can get.  You will be surprised to find out just how much is needed in raising kids these days. 

    As far as moving on with someone you and only you can decide that.  But, I would take a break from dating until you are settled in your new home and have some time to reflect on you and what caused the divorce.  You have to be really ready to date and that also includes your kids acceptance of it as well. 

    Good luck!

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