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Sj218
Do you worry?
by Sj218
January 25, 2013 at 8:42 PM
When your child is with their other parent, do you worry? My son is 9 and I don't worry about neglect or physical abuse, but I do worry about his emotional health when he's with his Dad. They fight like crazy. Just about every time they are together they get into a yelling match. Typically it's because DS wants to spend time with Dad and Dad wants to spend time with his GF. DS wants nothing to do with the GF. He only sees dad for one 3hr visit per week plus one full day every other week. Neither of them are right, but neither of them will compromise. I get worried and anxious knowing how mad/sad/hurt my DS is when he comes home from seeing dad. Anyone else deal with a similar situation? What do you do?

Replies

  • Tsmommy106
    January 25, 2013 at 9:12 PM

     I feel your DS should get all his dads attention during his very short time with him. He can't leave his gf for a few hours a week and one day every other week. I'd be bitching out his dad for not putting his child first. He can't force DS to like his gf. Why doesn't DS like his dad gf?

    I worry about my DS when he's with his dad too. It's nothing I can really even pin point why. Just no one can care for my child better then me. My ex knows I dislike sending my son for overnights. I like to be able to go see him for myself whenever I want. I check on my son while he sleeps. Also I hate that my son has no other choice but to sleep in the same bed as his dad. His dad has roommates and only a room that is his for him and my son. At my house, my son has his own room and his own stuff.

  • Sj218
    by Sj218
    January 25, 2013 at 9:29 PM
    My stbx and i have only been separated for about 6 months. Our divorce will be final in 4-6 weeks. My son just isn't ready to be part of a new family. At first I was really mad/hurt/jealous, but I'm pretty much past that part. I could care less if my husband dates, and to be honest, I'm sure his GF is really nice. My son is just not ready to have her around all the time or to have her spend the night or to hang out at her house on his evening with dad. I agree, I wish stbx would just give his son the one on one time that he wants. Stbx is already moving in with GF, now DS doesn't want to go over there at all. It breaks my heart for my boy.


    Quoting Tsmommy106:

     I feel your DS should get all his dads attention during his very short time with him. He can't leave his gf for a few hours a week and one day every other week. I'd be bitching out his dad for not putting his child first. He can't force DS to like his gf. Why doesn't DS like his dad gf?


    I worry about my DS when he's with his dad too. It's nothing I can really even pin point why. Just no one can care for my child better then me. My ex knows I dislike sending my son for overnights. I like to be able to go see him for myself whenever I want. I check on my son while he sleeps. Also I hate that my son has no other choice but to sleep in the same bed as his dad. His dad has roommates and only a room that is his for him and my son. At my house, my son has his own room and his own stuff.


  • tyfry7496
    January 25, 2013 at 10:12 PM
    No because the father isn't involved
  • LifeCafe42
    January 26, 2013 at 10:03 AM
    My sons father isn't involved but I would be concerned
  • hopealways4019
    January 26, 2013 at 10:15 AM
    Dad shouldnt be having shouting match with his son. Y'all need too have a talk with son about parents and new relationships. Explain to him just because his father or mom gets a new mate, don't mean will stop loving him. Dad needs to incorporate his son and gf into each other lives. But first he have too make sure this is the female he gonna be with for awhile. If after talking too son he still can't accept gf, then I would advise family counseling.
  • steviechick
    January 30, 2013 at 1:47 PM

    Your ex should not be shouting to his son.  He's the adult in the room.  He should act like one.  Since your son isn't ready for his father to date, I can respect that. I would talk to your stbx about your son's anxiety issues.  If your stbx can look past his new gf and actually see the pain his son is suffering from then perhaps the father should spend more time alone with his son.  Three hours isn't a long time to spend with a child every week.  I'm sure the father can put his gf aside for those hours and dedicate his time to his son.  Pushing a new relationship on a child is hard.  It's best to actually see if the gf works out.  Your divorce isn't even final yet and your stbx is already moving on so quickly?  That's a big red flag.  Your son should come first.  The gf can remain in the background until your son is ready to meet her and start a relationship with her. 

  • PoplarGrove
    January 30, 2013 at 1:57 PM

    Yes, I do.  I worry because he doesn't seem to understand that my little ones are LITTLE.  When they go out my older two are the ones who hold the hands of their little sisters and the older ones are the ones who do their little sister's hair and help them get dressed.  I'm always terrified that he's going to lose one of them when he has them.  I'm just thankful my two oldest are mature enough to take care of their little sisters when they need to (but I really hate that they have to at all)

  • PeaceLoveZ
    January 30, 2013 at 2:04 PM

     I do. His mother is a sneaky evil B, so I worry about her influence. I used to worry about my son's safety but I don't anymore. I just worry about the unexpected he's gonna throw at me. His family and him are dirty bastards.

  • Sj218
    by Sj218
    January 30, 2013 at 4:20 PM
    Thank you for being a voice of reason during my storm. If he was a reasonable, rational guy this wouldn't be an issue. He thinks DS just needs to get over it. I guess the up side is that stbx just keeps giving me reasons that he is supposed to be an "ex". It's helping me heal, but I hate what it's doing to my son. I have my moments that I am mad, sad, jealous, angry but overall I'm just at the point where I wish stbx would just go away. I want my life back and all the selfish destruction that he continues to cause just keeps me stuck reliving all the crap I've gone through with him. Divorce is only fair to the person who wants it. Everyone else just gets hurt repeatedly in the process.


    Quoting steviechick:

    Your ex should not be shouting to his son.  He's the adult in the room.  He should act like one.  Since your son isn't ready for his father to date, I can respect that. I would talk to your stbx about your son's anxiety issues.  If your stbx can look past his new gf and actually see the pain his son is suffering from then perhaps the father should spend more time alone with his son.  Three hours isn't a long time to spend with a child every week.  I'm sure the father can put his gf aside for those hours and dedicate his time to his son.  Pushing a new relationship on a child is hard.  It's best to actually see if the gf works out.  Your divorce isn't even final yet and your stbx is already moving on so quickly?  That's a big red flag.  Your son should come first.  The gf can remain in the background until your son is ready to meet her and start a relationship with her. 


  • steviechick
    January 31, 2013 at 9:51 AM

     


    Quoting Sj218:

    Thank you for being a voice of reason during my storm. If he was a reasonable, rational guy this wouldn't be an issue. He thinks DS just needs to get over it. I guess the up side is that stbx just keeps giving me reasons that he is supposed to be an "ex". It's helping me heal, but I hate what it's doing to my son. I have my moments that I am mad, sad, jealous, angry but overall I'm just at the point where I wish stbx would just go away. I want my life back and all the selfish destruction that he continues to cause just keeps me stuck reliving all the crap I've gone through with him. Divorce is only fair to the person who wants it. Everyone else just gets hurt repeatedly in the process.


    Quoting steviechick:

    Your ex should not be shouting to his son.  He's the adult in the room.  He should act like one.  Since your son isn't ready for his father to date, I can respect that. I would talk to your stbx about your son's anxiety issues.  If your stbx can look past his new gf and actually see the pain his son is suffering from then perhaps the father should spend more time alone with his son.  Three hours isn't a long time to spend with a child every week.  I'm sure the father can put his gf aside for those hours and dedicate his time to his son.  Pushing a new relationship on a child is hard.  It's best to actually see if the gf works out.  Your divorce isn't even final yet and your stbx is already moving on so quickly?  That's a big red flag.  Your son should come first.  The gf can remain in the background until your son is ready to meet her and start a relationship with her. 



     I can SO relate to your circumstances.  My ex was having an affair behind my back and for three years (I think longer).  My ex was active duty while he was snuck behind my back and had a gf on the side.  This gf is a co-worker.  He got her pregnant in the process.  Never even bothered to tell me until after he told my DD.  I wasn't even told until six days before ex deployed to Kuwait.  So, basically, my ex is just like your stbx - selfish.  Ever since my ex destroyed our marriage and has moved on with this now wife he's been unbelievably cruel and callous to our daughter.  She's 18 - will be 19 in June - but still too young in my opinion to handle adult situations with her father.  My ex even called our daughter while he was deployed in Ft. Hood, TX to tell her to sneak out and be at the hospital while baby number two (the gf got pregnant three months after giving birth to baby number one) was being born.  Imagine that?  I actually heard my ex ask our daughter to go the hospital.  Be with the mistress because he won't be "there" for the birth of his second love child.  My ex has no thought process sometimes.  It's amazing that he had a separate life behind mine and my daughter's back for three years.  His own parents didn't even know he was doing this.  They have disowned my ex.  It's got to the point that I have had to block my ex from contacting my daughter.  He is blocked on her cell phone.  Everytime he talks or texts her he's out of control with his anger towards her.  He's taking out all of his angst and his guilt on our daughter.  He no longer talks to me.  If he does I simply explode on the phone.  I can no longer talk to him anymore.  I have my moments, too, when it comes to dealing with what my ex did to destroy my life with him.  And, like you, my ex is doing a good job at helping me realize and soon to forget what a total loser he truly is.  The bad part of we moms is that our kids are losing in the end.  My daughter may not end up having a relationship with her own father.  It hurts me to see my ex acting like this.  He wasn't this way when I first met him.  And, he did have a decent relationship with me and my daughter before he got involved with his tramp.  Neither of us thought we would ever be divorced.  But, you are right.  Divorce is only fair to the person that wants it.  My ex should have left me when he started his affair. 

    Hope you are having a better day today.

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