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January 23, 2013 at 1:53 PM

Any advice on custody and the court date woudl be greatly appreciated. Also, the father wants to text message me with messages to our son who is only two and does not read yet. 


  • breebree04
    January 23, 2013 at 2:06 PM

    lol thats weird, tell him to call on the phone and talk to him (if you are ok with it). Although I did this with my ex and he called every night for awhile but then would skip days/week. The kids would get upset/cry  because he didnt call and they would try to call him and he wouldnt answer. He did this several times so I finally put a stop to it. As far as custody/court what are your questions or what are you concerned about?

  • victoriahearts
    January 23, 2013 at 2:13 PM

    If you have a civil relationship with him, I would try working out custody between the two of you this way it benefits both of you, if the courts decide it can be a pain for you. As for child support all you have to do is fill out the paperwork, most state have a set percentage of income that they will grant in child support, in NY it's 17% for one child and it will go up with each child, I think for two it's 23%. And be patient because the process can take months sometimes depending how busy your court system is, also make sure you fill out every piece of paperwork they ask you for and also make sure you have proof of what you are stating in the paperwork. Usually the court will have you fill out paperwork regarding your income, rent, insurance so on, fill it out and make sure you have a paycheck, lease agreement with amount of rent due and so on, they generally don't ask but it's good to have just in case. Make sure you also have a clear plan in your head in case the father/ex wont be civil, make sure you know what kind of custody you want him to have whether it's split or just the weekends or one day a week and how you will handle health insurances.

  • EthanzMom915
    January 23, 2013 at 2:23 PM

    Do I need an attorney? This will be our first summons since I have filed for sole custody. He has been pulling some stunts lately that are concerning (putting a hold on the mail when he moved out, which I did not know and was wondering why I hadn't been getting my mail); questioning why our son has my last name (we are not married and in DC the child take the mothers name). I fear that all this effort from him now will fade and our son will be so upset. I want to do what is best for our son, I have been flexible and accommodating so far even though he has not told me where he is living etc. I still have him on my health insurance and pay for his cellphone because he doesn't have a full time job and is taking classes. 

  • amonkeymom
    January 23, 2013 at 3:03 PM

    That's cute that he wants to text your son, does he expect you to read the texts?  Seems it would be easier if he'd call so your son can hear his voice.

    For the custody and court stuff... try to agree on as much as you can before hand.  If the judge sees that you're both working together and putting your son first it'll make things go a whole lot easier.

    Quoting EthanzMom915:

    Any advice on custody and the court date woudl be greatly appreciated. Also, the father wants to text message me with messages to our son who is only two and does not read yet. 

  • adriennesmom401
    January 23, 2013 at 3:05 PM

    It is a custody battle, so yes, get a lawyer if you two cannot come to an agreement before court. If you two are going to fight each other in court, get a lawyer.

  • adriennesmom401
    January 23, 2013 at 3:07 PM

    Just read your comment about the questionable behavior. Yes, get a lawyer. How old is your child? What type of rights do you think he will look for in court?

  • Robsessed98
    January 24, 2013 at 8:55 PM

    If you can work out the details, file a parenting plan to make it legal.  You should also get child support set. No matter how well you along now, you may not always agree in the future. If custody and support are set legally, he can't just decide to quit paying or refuse to return him after visitation. If you can't agree to a schedule, you'll need to hire a mediator or attorney. Whatever you do, make it legal to prevent any future issues.

  • Mommyto2LilMen
    January 25, 2013 at 8:41 AM
    Good luck hun
  • EthanzMom915
    January 25, 2013 at 3:06 PM

    our son is two and is actually behaving much better since his father moved out. less tension and stress in the household is what I was reading is an important factor. Not only have I filed for custoday with visitation, but I just received a summons for the same date stating that he wants custody with visitation.

    I have been supporting this man for four years after he has been fired from several jobs hasnt been able to provide even enough money to cover daycare for our son. When he was at home he never cooked or cleaned or helped out around the house with out me having to ask. And even then it was the bare minimum effort. I want our son to see his father and spend time with him, and I have been asking him when he wants to see his son, but he said he won't see him if I am there. He has no car and i didnt' know where he lived until his summons that he filed was taped to my door this morning. I have asked him to call to talk to his son or face time with him on the ipad. He has refused to communicate a plan for visitation and wont respond to my requests to work out a time to see his son. 

    This is so frustrating and i feel like he is just doing all of this to get back at me for asking him to leave. 

  • LifeCafe42
    January 26, 2013 at 10:19 AM
    Good luck!

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