Ds's father left our son about a month ago.. I still think It's important that my son keeps a relationship with my exes mother. She IS his grandma and all. And today she asked me if it would be ok for Jiovonni to come over for a little while. I would've said yes in a heartbeat, but Ds's father still lives with her. She told me he was gone for the weekend, but I don't want to take my chances. I so badly want Jiovonni to see her but not if there's a chance his dad will be there. What do I tell her? How do I still keep the relatonship between them if his dad is always there? (She can't drive)
To all who are asking if I have a custody arrangement or visitations set with his father. His father is not suppose to see him. It's court ordered that I have full custody and he has none. He is not allowed to see my son. I've also worked it out with his mom that if she wants to see my son I will pick her up and bring her to my house and she can see him there.
I would but I don't want his father to see him and realize he wants to be back in his life. I promised myself I would not let my son have an in and out father.
I think you should still let son go, with father there. Be the bigger person. This way you can start to move forward, if he has no plans to come back.
January 21, 2013 at 1:35 PM
I'd say you are out of options then. If grandma doesn't drive she can't come see him. If ex lives there and you don't want him to see your son, you can't take him there. You need to either figure out what your son's dads intentions are or otherwise address that, or forget the whole thing for now. And think about what's really best for your son.
by Lita5202January 21, 2013 at 6:38 PM
You said he left a month ago? did you take him to court? is there visitation schedule or anything?
I say still let him go...be the bigger person. Why wouldn't you want him back in his child's life if it was just for your son? I know a lot of dads are jerks. but there are a few that do change if something happens. And if not and he is the in and out father. Your child will know you love him and didn't stop him from seeing his dads family even though dad didn't help. Also that way he can't say you purposely are not letting him see his son when he can and he could use that against you.
by LifeCafe42January 21, 2013 at 11:47 PMI'd let him go or supervise the visit
by mytrueloveSJanuary 22, 2013 at 12:31 AM
Pick up grandma? I would let him go as long as you have court order visitation or custody since the father is there.
by Kisses4youJanuary 22, 2013 at 8:36 AM
I understand this... I would either have her come to your house or even maybe meeting at the mall or a fun place your son will enjoy so they can bond outside of the house his dad lives in.
What happened with his father? Do you have any custody arrangment?
by Cenedra64January 22, 2013 at 8:50 AMIf he isnt mean or anything....what id give if my kids could know their grandparents! They only got one living grandparent. My dad and he lives cross country. Just my point of view
I understand your feelings on the "in and out" father thing. However, at the same time, I also try to see things like this the way the court would - particularly if he were to lie. He could lie to the court and say that he wanted to see your son and you wouldn't let him. And his mother, much as you may love her and want her to have a relationship with your son, is HIS mother which means she could go to court and say "Well, I asked her to let us see him for a weekend, and she said no, because his father was here." Then it's your word against theirs and most judges tend to err on the side of caution, which means you'd look bad.
If you have a clearly laid out custody and/or visitation agreement, I'd let him go. Make clear what time you will pick him up and have a copy of your agreement with you, just in case. If you don't have a court agreement yet, then I'd tell her that you are working on getting a court order that stipulates custody and visitation (and get busy on that, if you aren't working on it), and that as soon as that order is in place, you will call her and set up a weekend for her to see him.