Don't Call My Child "Spoiled Rotten" *Vent* (Kinda Long) (Updated)

[naturALYme]

So the guy I'm kinda dating has told me that my son is "spoiled rotten" a few times. He has a little girl who is about a year younger than my son. I almost feel like he compares our kids and that's how he's coming to that conclusion. But the truth of the matter is that their situations are NOTHING alike. In fact, her situation is tons better in my opinion. I'll give a couple examples of when he's said it and my argument against it.

 

A few weeks ago, I was at his house and he pointed to his daughter's toys and says "You see how many toys she has? Zion is spoiled rotten. He has too many toys." His daughter has two homes to go to... my son has one. She has four grandparents and one step-grandmother to visit... he has one. There's no telling how many toys she really has. And, besides that, about 90% of the toys that Zion has were given to me for him to have. I have no money for toys. I barely have money for new clothes (I would say about 80-85% of his clothes were given).

 

Last night was the last time he said it. Zion is very difficult to get to sleep and has been for most of his life. For about a week or so, it's been a bit extreme (I may post about that later for some advice). I called him after Zion fell sleep and he says "So are you holding Zion?" (by the way, I can't remember the last time I held Zion at bedtime). I said "No... he's been crazy at bedtime lately". I was about to explain to him what's been going on but before I could finish my statement, he says "Zion is spoiled rotten! Just put him in bed and let him cry!". This is when I got upset. I said "You keep saying that I spoil him and you don't even know what the hell I do with him!"... then he hung up on me (I assume for raising my voice). He's never witnessed me put my son to bed. At bedtime, I take him to his room, we pray, I give him a hug and a kiss, say goodnight and lay him down. Zion gets out of bed numerous time before falling asleep. Each time, I put him back in bed, say goodnight and walk out. 

 

I find it extremely offensive to tell someone that they're child is spoiled especially when you've hardly had a chance to see them interact with their child. I am truly trying my best for Zion. I am a single mom with no help from his father. I just moved to a new state and have no family or friends around to help out. And I don't make much money. This week, I had to deny my child something as simple as a grilled cheese sandwich a few times because I didn't have enough money to buy cheese until I got paid. And somehow, you think that I spoil him??

I texted him and let him know that I found it offensive. He apparently thinks that I "took it the wrong way and ran with it".  Am I wrong for feeling offended by that?

 

Update: We're done. *sigh of relief* He texted me this morning and said "I think it's best we don't talk anymore. You're a great person and I don't feel I truly make you happy and I don't want to hold you back from finding someone who will."

[lancet98]

 

The most important thing about most relationships, is knowing when to end them!   Most relationships are dead ends, only a few of them are really going to be great.

Quoting naturALYme:

I do try to say very little to him when I put him back. I definitely think he does it for attention. He'll get up and say things like "my finger hurts", "I hurt my toes", or "I'm crying" (all with a straight face). He just doesn't want to go to bed. It's like he thinks he'll miss something. But yea, I'm glad it's over. I almost feel relieved. 

 

Quoting lancet98:

I think that you guys are better off separate.

Your values and ideas are too different.   You wouldn't be able to get along.  

My guess would be that if the two of you were together, he'd be trying to dictate everything you do, not just how you care for your son.

Some kids are harder to get to bed than others.   I don't see anything wrong with how you're putting your little guy to bed.   Put 'em back in bed, leave the room, if possible, try to make that as 'neutral' as possible, so he isn't getting a lot of attention for getting out of bed.   Otherwise he might be doing it for the attention.

It's generally a small matter of opinion if one says someone else is spoiling their kids.   Most of these actions are within a normal range of what can produce a normal kid.   Small differences in parenting aren't really going to create serial killers or mass shooters.   I've seen kids raised very very different ways and they don't all go bad.

 

 

 

[scared2death2]

Ok, off subject. What does "DD" and "DS" stand for? I saw these abbreviations again in this thread and I can't figure it out ;/

[naturALYme]

 I'm new to this site... I was confused for a while too... I think it means "dear daughter" and "dear son"

Quoting scared2death2:

Ok, off subject. What does "DD" and "DS" stand for? I saw these abbreviations again in this thread and I can't figure it out ;/

 

[witchybabymomma]

 I don't think your wrong at all. He actually sounds a lot like a guy I was seeing. He always complains about how my son has too many toys and granted he does have a lot soo what. I didn't think there was a specific amount of toys it was acceptable or unacceptable for a child to have. He also loves to tell me how I should raise my son I should make him to this and I should make him do that etc.... Don't listen to the nonsense. Tell him how you choose to raise your son is none of his business and if he cannot keep comments to himself kick him to the curb. It's not worth having a guy around that you have to act like a buffer between him and your kids.

[LifeCafe42]

After reading your original post I'm glad it's over can you imagine having to coparent with him if you ever got pregnant???!!!

[megan91]

As a single mother i would be extremely offended if someone said anything close to that about my son. im glad you are movong on because it will just get worse. your child deserves better and so do you...
Your child only will be able to have one childhood. so if he/she has a few more toys, then so be it.