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Lita5202
opinions please....
January 19, 2013 at 7:59 PM

I've known this guy since begining of aug '12. We started off just friends. he knows about my idiot ex. i know of his ex then them trying to work it out for 3yrd daughter. well it didn't work out and back to ex.

well we hit it off and both really like each other. so we hung out more he makes me smile and laugh like i have never before. he told me about his "situation" when his ex didn't live with him they had a 2day on 2 day off schedule for his daughter, it works great i guess for there work schedules. but being that they tried working it out she moved in. Well he doesn't want to lose seeing his daughter every day so his ex still lives at the house.

I knew that when we started dating and he says he doesn't want to hurt his daughter cause last time they seperated she was having fits, accidents affter being already potty trained and more. So i know he cant stand her and he is doing it for his daughter. i thought i could handle it cause he was just trying to wait for the right time. well we have been dating since late nov. and she still lives their. we barely talk and see each other even less. It's starting to bother me that she still lives their. He says he doesn't want to lose me and he would change the situation when the time comes. he also said he was gonna get a lawyer to change the schedule when it comes.

well when is the time gonna come? am i being pushy about her still living there? i know he loves seeing his daughter every day.  or am i just being a jealous gf? i don't want to waste my time if nothing is gonna change. i have kids too and i want to find the guy i can be with for the rest of my life.

Replies

  • MommyTo5Boys
    January 19, 2013 at 9:12 PM

    Tough one ....best advice I can give is to just go with your gut. If your gut is telling you something is up and you need to move on then so be it. But expect that if you give him an ultimatum and he makes BM move out and then he does end up seeing his daughter less that you will be the one blamed for it later.


  • MeeshMom
    January 19, 2013 at 10:08 PM
    That's not a good situation. I'd end it now he's not ready for a relationship. And who knows if they still sleep together. That's just not a good idea.
  • RyderMomma09
    January 19, 2013 at 10:19 PM

    If you two barely see or talk to eachother what is the point in having a relationship? I would move on...and chances are they are sleeping together especially if you arent around very much....Good luck

  • 3sunshine3
    January 19, 2013 at 10:53 PM

    I lived with my ex for a while till he found his place... he dragged it out when it ment leaving the kids. BUT, just saying we slept together the whole time. We were not ment to be, but still had needs i suppose. :( Leave him alone till hes done with her. If its ment to be it will be. Hope it works out for you!

  • londonmmy23
    January 19, 2013 at 11:25 PM
    That story was similar to mine. But I dont have a boyfriend but I live with my kids dad n were not together but we have a 2year old. But I feel you. You just gotta trust him. What if the shoe was on the other foot. Its hard though.
  • Lita5202
    January 20, 2013 at 6:04 PM

    Thanks for your advice ladies

  • steviechick
    January 21, 2013 at 1:13 PM

    I agree with leaving the bf until he's ready for a relationship.  No married couples need to live together when they should be divorced.  The wife can easily find her own place or move in with a family member.  I would even go as far as asking why the stbx husband isn't living in his own place.  I would definately question this.

  • stillstandin246
    January 21, 2013 at 1:45 PM

    If it was an easy situation, he would already be living apart from his ex.  So giving him an ultimatum is just going to make you look like a jealous gf. If he's at the place he claims, he already knows they should be apart.  But that's easier said than done.  People end up in all kinds of living and childcare arrangements and sometimes nothing can be done immediately about that.  If he's visibly trying to get this dealt with, that's one thing.  If he's not, I would move on.  Let him know how you feel and that you understand and all that but you feel like its time to move the ex along.   I have been in similiar situations with my exes and kids, and there's never anything going on between us, so I know it is possible they are just platonic.  I also met a man who did live with his ex still and I believed absolutely there was nothing going on between them but that didn't stop me from thinking "wow I really don't need this in my life."

  • victoriahearts
    January 21, 2013 at 1:51 PM

    Your in a hard situation but I really think what is best is that you take a break from him, he needs to figure out his situation with his ex and his daughter , that whole living situation and waiting until the right time is just a huge mess you shouldn't be part of. I understand him wanting to do what is best for his daughter but what is best for his daughter and dating you is putting him at odds. I personally think there is never a right time to separate yourself from a child but the longer they play house together for that child the worse it will be when they decide it time to part ways or they will get use to playing house together and you'll be waiting for him forever.  Take the break and let him get his situation together if it happens you can pick up where you left off and the situation never gets resolved you didn't waste your time waiting around. I don't mean to sound harsh just don't want to see you hurt, waiting around for a guy that isn't going to get this mess together. 

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