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One year later & I am feeling angry again
January 5, 2013 at 8:35 PM

So a year ago I split up with my daughter's father. We had been together for six years & what split us up or a big part of it was he never helped me with our daughter, our daughter is 5yo now so she was 4yo when we split. 

Upon splitting up he went 1000 miles away to meet with a new girl, a girl he had met online & had been friends with, speaking to etc for at least a couple years before we split. One of the things that split us up was his online addiction, I now know what he was doing all that time. 

Fast forward today. In the last year he moved said girl over here, he got her pregnant, she has an 11yo herself & today she just had the baby. My ex named the baby the same name we had picked out if we were going to have a boy (am I the only one who finds that strange?). 

I went to the hospital & took our daughter to go see her baby brother, I didn't go into the room not that I wasn't invitied but felt it would be awkward. We all get along don't get me wrong I've even taken the 11yo to my house to hang out etc before & invite him along with us on all kinds of things. I just figure I'll see the baby in the next few days anyway & that it may be awkward so I told my ex that I was sure his girlfriend was tired & I remember that all I wanted to do was rest & relax so I'd wait in the waiting room. 

I was doing very well copeing with the fact that she was pregnant etc but now all those angry feelings are bubbling up again. I don't want my ex, he was miserable & an asshole & I'm glad to be done with him. I do feel like I was cheated on with those two granted he tequnically did not cheat but he was talking to her for years before we split & made a connection & shoved me & my daughter aside to be online with her which was all hurtful, still is. So I'm just feeling a bit down in the dumps. 

Over all I've done well this past year. I met someone or well entered a relationship with someone I've known & that has gone slowly & well & he is very understanding so that is great. He is not apart of my daughter's life though at the moment so I don't see him but only when my daughter is gone one night a week to her fathers. I've stood on my own two feet paying my rent & bills & making sure I'm employeed. I went from a stay at home mom to a full time working mom & with that came guilt etc so I've delt with that & coped well there. My daughter has adjusted well over the past year for everything she has been through. Over all I've done very well with everything I think but I feel like I'm currently re visiting those feelings of anger again now that it's been a year & the baby came. 

Okay I guess this was a vent or just me talking or something. Not sure, but I don't have a question here, just not feeling so great right now that's all. I'm excited for my daughter because she is in love with the idea of a little brother & she was so excited tonight to meet him tonight & didn't even want to leave him. I only talk nicely about her father & his girlfriend & her brothers & get all excited etc for anything to do with them. I even had her buy a welcome baby gift & a gift for the baby shower & had her purchase a gift for the older one for Christmas etc. In the end it is about making sure the kids are happy so weather or not I am happy or having issues does not matter over all as long as I make sure the children do not know about those feelings & make sure that they are okay is in my opinion what matters & I work hard to make sure that is how it is, I think I've done a good job. 

Whatever. Curling up on the couch & watching a chick flick tonight I do believe. 

Replies

  • Barblicious
    January 6, 2013 at 2:00 AM

    I think it is only natural to occassionally still have moments of anger spring up - you are human. Even though you have moved on, knowing he was emotionally cheating on you with this woman, would still be hurtful.

    And yes it is a little weird (for you) that he used that name, but clearly he liked that name and intended to use it - no matter the mother of the child. 

    Hope the chick flick was good. :)

  • LifeCafe42
    January 6, 2013 at 11:52 AM
    Hugs mama

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