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Anyone knowledgable about divorce proceedings? PIOG
January 3, 2013 at 1:11 PM

My brother-in-law (48) is one of the sweetest men that I know. Too sweet actually, and he gets walked all over. He was married to a woman for 17 years, she cheated on him a few years ago and she filed for divorce. He ended up giving her everything she asked for, including $700 month for child support for their 15-year-old and continuing to pay for their mortgage.

He moved to a different state 5 years ago, to be closer to us because he couldn't afford to live on his own after that divorce. While he was living with us he met another woman, "H", online and even though everyone in our family thought she was a rude and disrespectful woman, he ended up marrying her. This was 4 years ago. He was "in love" and just thought that we all misunderstood this crazy woman. She has a daughter who will be 18 at the end of this month. brother-in-law and H haven't really got along at all since they got married, mostly because she's not nice to him at all. She's lazy, won't work, while he worked 3 jobs almost their entire marriage.

Tonight my brother-in-law was served papers. Not just divorce papers, a restraining order as well. H filed paperwork to keep my brother-in-law away from her as well as her 17-year-old daughter, who my brother-in-law is very close to. The daughter texts and phones him all the time and talks to him more than her own mother, who she never really got along with. The daughters real father isn't in the picture and she has called my brother-in-law "Dad" for the past 3 years. H is also claiming that my brother-in-law didn't want her to work while they were married, so she's asking for $1,500 a month in alimony. He works 2 jobs right now but his take home is only about $2300.

H's family thinks she's crazy. Legitimately. They all love my brother-in-law and in fact he is living in a trailer on the property of one of H's brothers. H is one of four children and is the only one who wasn't given direct access to an inheritance that was left to the kids after their mother died. One of H's brothers has control of her inheritance money and gives her a set amount every month. One of her family members thinks that she has been going to a women's shelter and telling them that she's in an abusive marriage, to get help with the divorce papers and the restraining order. This is her third marriage and she was supposedly abused by the first two men. The last one she divorced and got $20,000 from him as part of the divorce settlement. She's an evil vindictive person. H listed her brothers wife as the only person who could "mediate" between my brother-in-law and H and her daughter, in regards to the restraining order. The brothers wife thinks she's crazy and called the daughter to let her know what was happening, and to let her know that if she texts her dad, my brother-in-law, then he can't answer her. The daughter started crying hysterically and then H was in the background yelling at her, saying that she shouldn't care about her dad any more because he was no longer going to be in their lives.

I'm just wondering if anyone has any experience with alimony and/or restraining orders. Do you think that someone would be able to get $1,500 a month for alimony if the other person only makes $2,300 and they were only married for 4 years? The alimony request is for two years also. They don't have any kids together and live in an apartment. We are also in Oregon, if that matters.

Thank you for any help/advice...


  • brieri
    by brieri
    January 3, 2013 at 1:34 PM

     It's usually a case by case situation.  I know that I received it for 5 yrs whether I was going to get remarried or not, but it was my first marriage it didn't happen to be that I was married for 10 yrs.  It all went to my attorney because it was such a high conflict case.  The man I was married to was a disservice just like the woman you are talking about.

  • Mommyto2LilMen
    January 3, 2013 at 1:38 PM
    Not sure. Here is a bump.
  • victoriahearts
    January 3, 2013 at 2:04 PM

    What a big mess, I'm sorry your brother is involved in such a nasty situation. The amount award will have to do with how much he makes and how much she will need for living expeses, they also take into account whether she will be able to find employment and if the divorce is her fault, meaning if she committed adultery or if he can prove it's her fault they are divorcing the judge could award her less or nothing.  And since she been married twice before him, maybe he can have the ex's be witnesses so that he can get the R/O dropped and he can prove she is nuts.

  • GirlieGal76
    January 3, 2013 at 2:23 PM

    Oregon is a no-fault state, so it won't matter why they're divorcing. My BIL only makes $2300 a month though, take home, and she's asking for $1500 a month. There is no way that he would be able to live off of the remaining $800 per month.
    We also suggested that if she's trying to get $1500 a month from him, he should say that he wants half of her inheritance money. Not to actually get the money but just as a leveraging tool to try to make her back off of this stupid alimony thing. He won't do it though....he said he doesn't even want to tell a lawyer about the inheritance because he feels like the money is hers and he doesn't want to be mean. It will be interesting to see what a lawyer says once he's able to get a meeting with one.

    She also had an interview as a hostess at a new bar/restaurant that is opening in Bend. She apparently felt like the initial interview went well but she doesn't think she's going to go back for the follow-up interview because they want to test her knowledge of beers and she doesn't know anything about beer and doesn't want to study up on it. She told her daughter it was a waste of her time. To me, if you need a job, you study for a few hours if you need to figure out what you're serving/selling. She makes me ill....

  • victoriahearts
    January 3, 2013 at 3:39 PM

    NY is also a no fault state it's suppose to make the divorce process quicker but when the judge is passing judgement for alimony purposes he will take everything into consideration because he is determining whether the spouse actually needs it or deserves it. I have seen cases while waiting in court, where the judge awards  no alimony in the case where the wife cheated and she filed for divorce because her behavior was in breach of their martial contract. So I think judge will take a lot into consideration if you bring him proof and since you brother is getting a lawyer you should be able to agree the case for less alimony.

  • GirlieGal76
    January 3, 2013 at 10:21 PM

    I certainly hope he is able to find a good lawyer and then get a smart judge. The only lawyer that could see him today ended up calling him back about an hour later stating that he couldn't represent him because of conflict of interest. So basically H has already retained that lawyer. There aren't a lot of divorce lawyers in Bend, so I'm hoping he lucks out with finding a good one.

  • MommyAJ2921
    January 3, 2013 at 10:27 PM

    WOW...not sure what to say except he needs an attorney and should definitely go after the inheritance. DC (where I got divorced) is a no fault state as well and the fact of her having an inheritance would DEFINITELY be considered when it came to getting any type of alimony.

  • easinpc
    by easinpc
    January 4, 2013 at 2:04 PM

    I'm not sure but here's a bump for ya!

  • GirlieGal76
    January 5, 2013 at 3:27 PM

    Well, my BIL talked with a lawyer last night and he's even more bummed now. He can get the restraining order lifted, no problem, but the lawyer said H can drag this out if she wants and he thinks it would be in my BIL's best interest to settle. Apparently, she did this same exact thing to her last husband and ended up getting a $20,000 settlement just so she would leave him alone. I'm even more pissed now! This just doesn't seem right at all!

  • Jenniferlea78
    January 6, 2013 at 11:37 AM
    I have had to keeo a restraining order fir the past 13 yrs against my son's bioligical dad. In our situation it's been a necessity for safety. Thats a whole other story tho. I do know how the process is here n Kansas. After a PfA is filed-"protection from abuse" order- the judge listens to the person who filed it's reasons for wanting the order. If they find it to be a legitimate cincern then the judge will sign a temporary order and then they set up a hearing si BOTH parties can be heard. It isnt necessary for both to be present at the hearing tho. The hearing is so the judge can either make the order FINAL- which means its good fi r a year.. or the order is terminated. Depending in the situation.

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