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Advice from you single moms!!!
January 2, 2013 at 11:46 AM

Okay so I here I go I need a little advice on what to do and how to go about it all.

I'm the single mother of two boys, their dad has split custody of them with me being the primary parent. He only pays $400 in child support at the moment which I was granted $784. We agreed that he would pay $400 through military allotment until the divorce was finalized and it went through child support and the court. We are now offically divorced and waiting on child support to get everything done, but he is currantly deployed at the moment so I don't know if that will affect anything at all. We also agreed on $400 cause I didn't want to argue with him over the amount, he said he wouldn't be able to support himself or pay off the credit cards, trailblazer, or the furniture we went out and got. So I settled with $400, well after he deployed he messaged me and told me that he was going to go out and buy himself a BRAND NEW truck when he gets back from deployment his excuse for doing this is the trailblazer is to small for him, I find that not a good enough excuse.

So I have decided to take him to court when he gets home. I have thought about it and the way I see it is if he can afford a brand new truck he should be able to afford my child support for the boys. I have also decided to go and take full custody of the boys, the reason for this is that he hardly ever sees them when he is home and he only lives 6 hours away. My oldest is scared to death of him, will not talk to him on cam, won't go with him or anything etc. He had only seen them for a whole 4 hours the whole two weeks he was home in October. We had split the end of June and he deployed in November. He does not try calling them from over seas when he gets a chance nor does  he hardly ask about them at all. I haven't heard from him in about two weeks and at this moment they are not busy over there  yet. I know this cause of friends that have husbands deployed with him.

So my question on this is whats the best way of going about this? The best way of finding an attorney fairly cheap cause at the moment I don't have a bunch of money just laying around.

Okay now a couple more questions for you ladies.

If you was a stay at home mommy when you became a single mommy, how did  you go about finding a job? How did you go about finding housing? I'm applying for HUD on the 9th and hopefully that works out, I'm also considering going back to school in February to work on my GED then go to college after I obtain my GED.

Sorry its so long and thanks in advance.


  • Bzmom1019
    January 2, 2013 at 11:59 AM

    I would definitly try and get your GED, jobs are hard out there as it is. Maybe try and find a part time night shift at home customer service job to help out with cost of living. Go online and find resources that can help you as a single mother there is a lot out their. 

    About your ex husband, I agree if he can purchase a new truck he can afford to pay some more money to help support his kids. Don't force your kids to want to see him, being on deployment he should want to hear from his kids when he gets back and while he's away atleast once a week if possible. I would save the messages and explain to the courts he doesn't make any efforts to see his children nor ask for them so you want to fight for full custody.

  • brieri
    by brieri
    January 2, 2013 at 12:02 PM

     Hi and welcome to the group.

    If he's military all that money you're entitled too should have been a wage garnishment and not coming directly from him.  Please for the life of not only for yourself but your children as well, do not ever rely on a military man giving you what he thinks he should give you.  Get all of what you are entitled too.

    To answer the question, I lived with family at the time when I was out looking for a job.  Also after landing a fulltime perm job, went out and looked for an apt I could afford at the time.


  • amonkeymom
    January 2, 2013 at 3:45 PM


    Definitely take him back to court on the child support issues, he needs to be responsible for helping care for the boys.  I'd suggest contacting child support enforcement or legal aid about this issue.

    Good luck on the housing!

  • KRIZZ25
    by KRIZZ25
    January 3, 2013 at 6:47 AM
    sometimes u have no choice but to be mean bitchy mommy .he knows kids come first .he sounds selfish to me.
  • lightoftheworld
    January 3, 2013 at 7:05 AM
    I agree with the others, i you are struggling financially (and by needing public assistance, you definitely are), then HE needs to be paying the full amount. AND pay the back support. The courts will likely force him to pay back support if you ask, even if you originally had a verbal agreement with him for the lesser amount. They can garnish his wages. There is no reason why he should be driving a new sparkly truck while you have to live in HUD housing with his kids.

    As for the custody issue, that may not be as easy- unless your son is willing to tell the judge that he is scared. But I bet that if you quit pursuing contact, your ex will likely not initiate any.
  • alc4evermom
    January 3, 2013 at 7:05 AM
    I don't have advice because I haven't gone through a divorce but I have been newly single. Not sure what state you are in but use every public service that you can. Seek out a women's group for newly single moms. Getting an education is the first step and when you get your GED you can get a college grant that you won't have to pay back. Sometimes Ywca's have programs to help with daycare and I highly suggest seeking an advocate. Your ex sounds very immature and you sound better than he does. Good luck!!!
  • Mommyto2LilMen
    January 3, 2013 at 8:49 AM
    Good luck! Hope you get the supper you are entitled for your child.
  • victoriahearts
    January 3, 2013 at 10:33 AM

    Well you could just try going to family court and submitting a change of custody , unless your ex fights you this should be a smooth process, it may take time depending on how backed up your court system is. As for the child support if the court already determined that he should pay $748 a month for your children it's just a matter of asking them to enforce it. If for whatever reason you agreed on paper to child support only being $400 you will need to submit another form to have child support amount to be changed, go down to your court house you should be able to speak with the clerk and they will provide you with the paperwork, this should save you money with the attorney, but if you feel your ex will fight you may want to consider getting an attorney.Best of luck to you, I think it's great you are trying to get your GED, if you can afford to stay at home with them while  you go to school that would probably be ideal so you can focus on your studies.

  • MissTuree
    January 3, 2013 at 11:45 AM

    The only thing I have to add to this is that while he is deployed nothing will be able to happen legally.  He has to be stateside in order to legally represent himself. What pay grade is he?

  • Tetiry92
    January 3, 2013 at 11:53 AM
    BCSE is who you need to contact they are free to you and will automatically track his pay and make adjustments if his pay changes it is definitely the best with him being in the military because they can't pay him under the table etc. BCSE sets up everything and does all the court stuff you just have to contact them

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