Single Moms
From my posts in the past, you might know that my ex and I get along fine most of the time. We're divorced but the marriage should have ended two years ago. Every so often, you might even be able to call us friends.
But I am absolutely SEETHING inside.
I wish I could just rip into him about all the things I am angry about. Hell, I still might, 15 years from now when our kids are grown. I am careful not to make him mad at me because he takes it out on the kids by not seeing them and says "I don't want to be around you" as an excuse.
So many things from the past 12 years I am still so angry about. I am angry at him, and I am angry at myself for letting it go on so long.
I even sort of wish he'd try to get me back again so I can list all the reasons why he's a shitty human being.
I can almost come close to saying I hate him. It's a hate that runs deep, the kind of hate that can only come from loving some one.
I am having a really bad night.
Replies
-
There is not step-by-step guide how to let it go part of it is time and the other part is you realizing that holding onto the anger ONLY affects you (and sometimes the kid) and
You already have had the time pass now you really have to talk to yourself how this is only hurting you and it isn't worth it -
I had to back up rethink what i was fixing to say. It would be a lie to say i'm not angry with my ex. Fresh events like him stopping cs right at holidays has me furious! Up till this point all the anger was gone out of me. Its hard to let go of anger. LOL On a funny side my ex would turn around walk out if i was watching Mr & Mrs smith...we were both in army together and he knew my favorite line ''you still alive baby?!'' hahaha -
Hmmmm that's a tough question. Over time, my anger turned into indifference. I just choose to not feel anger towards him anymore. It's a waste of energy--kwim? Not going to change anything -
I hear ya!!!!! My ex and I are 'friends' buy I try to keep it that way so we don't have more problems!! He never pays on time, hardly makes an effort to see our ds, and he is the one who ruined the marriage. I asked for the divorce and honestly, I miss my life. I miss my house, having a husband, coming home to a family. Now it's my son and I, and as cool as that is, I want help. He messed it all up and I'm suffering for it.
I have a punching bag, and I usually talk to my sis. She lets me VENT and still doesn't see me as a negative, angry, bitter person. (I had a friend I vented to, things didn't turn out well because they didn't see I just needed to talk things through). She never judges and only interjects if she needs to.
GOOD LUCK!! -
You have to make a conscious decision to forgive him for yourself, not for him. Once you do, you just have to decide to let it go. Build a wall that he or his memory cant get through. You will feel so much better and be happier once you do it. -
Its not an easy thing to do. I don't know your situation, but if you take one day at a time it will get better. Try to see if you can find another friend who will lift you up over this and forget about him. He don't want to make the effort to see them, it's not your problem. *Smile*
-
When I was still mad at my ex I would imagine him being hung, drawn and quartered. And when I didn't have time to indulge in that I would go to my martial arts class and work it out there. It's amazing how much better a woman can feel after a few throwdowns! lol
But I haven't bothered with any of those in years. Being angry was taking up to much energy and time, neither of which I had in large quantities to begin with. So I just stopped. I figured I could channel all the energy I was spending being mad at him (and he didn't even know it) on classes at college. Now I have a BA. :)
-
I know the feeling. My baby's dad and I are getting a divorce because he cheated on me with a 16 year old. I still don't like him but I try to be civil for my son's sake. When I think about everything he put me and my son through, I get so angry. When it first happened, I hated him so much. I have gotten better but I still have my moments.
-
I've been thinking about just writing out everything I"m angry about in a letter to him but not really give it to him. Like a previous poster, I am not always so bitter but sometimes, things remind me of shit he's done. Like yesterday I was reminded that he lied to me about going to a bar while I was in the hospital with our one year old who was dehydrated with the rotovirus with an IV in his foot and another man who has no obligation to me or my kids drove all the way to my house to get some things I needed, drove all the way to the hospital to bring it to me and drove all the way back home, a total of about 2 hours driving.
-
by holding onto the anger you are allowing him to continue to victimize you. I like your idea about the letter. I have no solid advice as I am still going through this myself good luck to you and thank you for posting this