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pupdogtails2008
Vent... Advice welcome :)
December 8, 2012 at 8:46 AM
Hey everyone. I'm goin to try to make this short :)
Single mom, 1 kid, divorced for over a year. I was set up on a blind date almost 6 months ago and the guy is amazing. We hit it off and have loved each others company ever since. Well he just got word he is moving across the country (military) and we agreed that we have not been dating long enough to make it work, but since we have fun together we will hang out for the next few months before the move. Well, turns out our subconscience has been interfering. Supposedly I have been 'pushing him to take things to the next level' and he has been 'pushing me away.' This totally makes sense since we know the end is approaching and we have feelings for each other. But, now, we are fighting alot!! I told him I would try to be more aware of the fact that it feels like I'm being pushy if he could do the same for me.
Problem: He does nothing wrong. He knows best. He has all the answers. It's impossible to argue with him!!! I would rather argue with my ex husband, he at least listened to the words coming out of my mouth. I've never argued with someone who completely ignores me and has no idea what I'm talking about! I don't want to say good-bye yet, but if we keep this up there is no point! But he isn't leaving until march so we have some time to just enjoy going out and having fun.
Advice?

Replies

  • tinky_00
    December 8, 2012 at 9:09 AM
    I think maybe its time to let things go now if you both know the relationship will be eventually ending. All three months is going to do is make it harder because your feelings are going to continue to grow during that time. If he is pushing you away I would't try to force it - he is probably trying to save himself some pain by not getting too close to you. As for ignoring & not listening to you, that is one of the reasons I left my kids father. If you can't respect me enough to hear what I am saying even if you don't agree with it then you don't respect me enough to be with me.
  • Robsessed98
    December 8, 2012 at 11:49 AM
    Sounds to me like its time to wrap it up now. If hes the kind that always has to be right and wont listen or communicate, its best to find out now before youre more emotionally invested. I was married to a man like that and its a no win situation.
  • MsLogansMommy
    December 8, 2012 at 3:00 PM

    I think 6 months is long enough to know if he is the one or not. I knew in the first month that my first love was the one for me and I have loved him for 25 years we didnt stay together (for many reasons mostly my issues with my self) but we are still friends and I still love him to this day although he is not my bd I wish he was. So in my opinion if you two dont have a strong enough bond after 6 months maybe it is time to let go.  

  • amonkeymom
    December 8, 2012 at 6:35 PM

    Hi there, welcome to the group!

    Since there's nothing serious in your relationship at this point, I think you need to maybe just move it to the friend level.

    Good luck.

    Quoting pupdogtails2008:

    Hey everyone. I'm goin to try to make this short :)
    Single mom, 1 kid, divorced for over a year. I was set up on a blind date almost 6 months ago and the guy is amazing. We hit it off and have loved each others company ever since. Well he just got word he is moving across the country (military) and we agreed that we have not been dating long enough to make it work, but since we have fun together we will hang out for the next few months before the move. Well, turns out our subconscience has been interfering. Supposedly I have been 'pushing him to take things to the next level' and he has been 'pushing me away.' This totally makes sense since we know the end is approaching and we have feelings for each other. But, now, we are fighting alot!! I told him I would try to be more aware of the fact that it feels like I'm being pushy if he could do the same for me.
    Problem: He does nothing wrong. He knows best. He has all the answers. It's impossible to argue with him!!! I would rather argue with my ex husband, he at least listened to the words coming out of my mouth. I've never argued with someone who completely ignores me and has no idea what I'm talking about! I don't want to say good-bye yet, but if we keep this up there is no point! But he isn't leaving until march so we have some time to just enjoy going out and having fun.
    Advice?


  • LilAsMom526
    December 8, 2012 at 7:14 PM
    Be only friends or just cut him off completely.
  • otoole
    by otoole
    December 8, 2012 at 7:37 PM

    i agree with the other ladies, sorry

  • soaringflutes
    December 8, 2012 at 7:38 PM

    Well, it's just good that you found out he's bad at communication now, instead of moving away with him.

  • brieri
    by brieri
    December 8, 2012 at 7:51 PM

    Hi and welcome to the group.

    Since you know he is leaving in three months, just leave it at that and enjoy the company with him.  As far as fighting/arguing I don't see what the problem is when you say he has all the answers and you say its impossible for him to listen to you.  There is no relationship in this as far as I can tell.

  • pupdogtails2008
    December 9, 2012 at 12:45 PM
    Thanks everyone!!! I agree with all of you! It's nice to hear it from the outside, I think I needed that reassurance. This was my first 'relationship' and not just casual dating, since my divorce. I was hoping single life was easier but I'm seeing that it's not.
    This man has a good heart, but he doesn't know how to put that into words or actions. I can see a glimmer of hope shine through sometimes, but it's just not enough for me.
    Oh the arguing is terrible! We continued to fight up until today. He has heard what he wants to hear and said so many hurtful things to me. My ex and I had a system with arguing. We actually listened to each other, and said what we agreed with and disagreed with and why. We took turns, didn't interrupt, and never hurt each other. It was mature, civil, smart. This man is firing crap off like he's on a mission to break my heart in a million little pieces. When we aren't arguing, he's very awesome to be around. But communication is extremely important, and arguing is included in that.
    Thank you all so much!! So sweet and yet to the point!
  • gracesmom09
    December 9, 2012 at 12:48 PM

    After your reply --end it now. Make yourself available to meet someone better if that is what you want. :) Good luck! Dating is tough!!

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