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is it normal to love your child and regret them
November 28, 2012 at 1:10 PM
I have a 2year old daughter. I am a single mother, her father is not around as much as he should be. I work full time and I go to school fulltime. I also pay for daycare which is 700 a month and to be honest i hate paying for it but i have no choice because its hard finding a baby sitter. Well long story short i love her to death it just seems like i cant deal with all the sacrafices of being a mom. Ive missed so many days of school because she was sick, i cant get an apartment because i pay for her school/ her everything. I want to give her up for adoption but i know i cant do it because my love is too strong. Is it normal to feel this way? Sometimes i hate being around her when she have tempertantrums, is that normal? Why would a mother feel this way,,,do anyone have any advice for me because im not happy.


  • easinpc
    by easinpc
    November 28, 2012 at 1:11 PM


  • strngenough
    November 28, 2012 at 1:13 PM
    Why would you feel stressed out and like you can't catch your breath? Cause you are stressed out and can't catch your breath lol. I think it's normal. Your going to have to ride it out. School will be done and she will be in school and you'll have more time to just enjoy her and have a life. Also she will get older and will be more independent. I don't think you'd be happy giving her up. I think you could just use a vacation. You got a lot on your plate and I wish you luck.
  • aktavia90
    November 28, 2012 at 1:21 PM
    Thanks i just wish i could give her that love she needs. Im so busy i barley see her and when i do see her she drives me crazy so i dont want to be around her. Yes a vacation will be nice:) there any programs that can help me. Such as helping me get an apartment or helping me pay for childcare??
  • baby_boy2012
    November 28, 2012 at 1:27 PM

    Hi Momma.

    I think you are overwhelmed with your situation and that is PERFECTLY  normal for a single mom. Like you, I also work a fulltime job and until very recently was also going to school--I recently finished and now have my bachelors in Business Administration (YAY!). I provide EVERYTHING for my child--daycare, food, clothes, diapers, formula, roof over our head--EVERYTHING. The sperm donor pops in every now and then, basically calls to ask how my son is doing and that's it. Like you I feel overwhelmed every now and then and like you my LOVE IS ALSO SO STRONG that I figure out a way to make things better or simply deal with and accept my situation. God has a STRONG presence in my life and ALWAYS finds a way to make things better for me.

    So I do think that what you are feeling is normal for a single mom who has all the responsibilities you have. You need to make sure to build yourself a good support system--family, friends, etc--so that you can take a rest every now and then. It's ok to let people help you and it's ok to feel overwhelmed. You're doing a GREAT JOB, you love your child and one day you'll look back and feel proud of the fact that you did it on your own and are much stronger person because of this experience.

    Hang in there! HUGS!

  • aktavia90
    November 28, 2012 at 1:34 PM
    That really touched me thanx i really needed that. Congradz on you finishing school. Did you get any help paying for childcare because i went to this place and they said i make too much money.
  • mz23
    by mz23
    November 28, 2012 at 2:18 PM
    2 is probably a hard age. Well from what I heard it'll get easier. try head start, or family resources for child care help. Maybe apply for child support.
  • baby_boy2012
    November 28, 2012 at 2:20 PM

    Quoting aktavia90:

    That really touched me thanx i really needed that. Congradz on you finishing school. Did you get any help paying for childcare because i went to this place and they said i make too much money.

    hey there.

    Thanks for the Congrats.. took some time but I made it and you will too!! 

    I didn't get any help paying for childcare and even if I tried, i would probably get the same response you did--I make too much money. I've basically had to handle my finances better. I used to spend quite a bit of money on things that really weren't necessary--clothes, purses, jewelry, shoes--I was addicted to shoes. Since I had my son, I no longer spend on unnecessary "stuff" and I can't really say I  miss it. I get a feeling of PRIDE when I'm able to pay for all the things he needs.

  • brieri
    by brieri
    November 28, 2012 at 2:32 PM

     Hi and welcome to the group.

    Children of any age will have temper tantrums, it's how you deal with it.  Please do not think of adoption, because if you do that is one you will regret you will never see your child again.  However, if you gave her to her father for awhile, you may be under less stress and have better outlook not only for yourself but her to.

  • steviechick
    November 28, 2012 at 3:35 PM

    Being a single mom is hard work.  You are feeling overly stressed that is normal.  Sometimes we have kids that are just plain overwhelming at times.  I was lucky to have a sweet child that barely gave me problems.  When your DD gets into moods just walk away and let her scream and act out if you can't handle it.  Sometimes it's just best to leave the child act out.   Get a  hold of your finances and see where you can cut back.  I would look into financial aid if you are wanting to go to school.  There is aid out there for single moms.  Look into it.  What about the father?  Does he pay cs?  I would definatley get that ASAP. 

  • victoriahearts
    November 28, 2012 at 3:52 PM

    I don't think you regert you child as much as you are overwhelmed by your current situation, trust me when my son is having a temper tantrum, doesn't want to do something, makes me late for a meeting at work, it throws my whole day off, sometimes my whole week. Not to mention having  the expense of raising a child is another task that makes even the mothers that get help seem crazy. Yes it may seem like you regert your child because there are days that I often  think about my life before my son, how easy it was to come and go, how that "extra" money went to things I wanted, to dreams I had, but at the end of the day the love for my son wins out, just like the love for your daugther wins out, so don't feel guilty for feeling the way that you do, for thinking the things that you have though because at the end of the day, you know you love her, you care for her, you have not left her. You are a good mother, so matter what you think somedays, it's easy to say but keeping pushing forward because bad times , hard times are just that times that pass and when they do, you forget it all.

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