Single Moms

strngenough
The ex came back...
November 17, 2012 at 5:22 PM
The very next day the ex came back I thought he was a goner....

Anyone know the song? So backstory is at 11weeks prego my husband said "I don't want to do this" and left. I'm 19 weeks now. About two weeks ago he wanted back and we have been talking. I would love to say I reviewed everything he's done to me and said hell no. Instead I said ok. He is a little different and hopefully that only continues. He is still deployed, so I don't have to deal with him every day. I make it sound horrible and unwanted, but I'm actually just afraid to get my hopes up.

I am trying to be smart. In fl if we had gotten divorced I would have made out VERY well. We will be moving to nc and if we get divorced then I will be screwed. The difference in child support is about $1500/m. So, I am making him sign a postnuptial agreement that would let me at least get what I'd get now. Thoughts? And do I have to leave the group?

Replies

  • strngenough
    November 17, 2012 at 7:11 PM
    Bump
  • MeeshMom
    November 17, 2012 at 8:16 PM
    You don't have to leave the group. I think you'd need couples counseling to make t work. Maybe he's beyond stressed being deployed and its getting to him. Idk your situation. But asking him to sign a postnuptial agreement makes it sound like you're ready to end it. Its like Slapping him in the face. Yes you deserve child support if you are the primary parent and you're divorced. But wait for that when you're divorced if that's the route you take. Besides you don't know how much you'll really get in each state. Idk where you got $1500 difference that's a pretty large amount.
  • Robsessed98
    November 17, 2012 at 8:59 PM
    Totally agree with Meesh. Pre and post nups make no sense to me. Why be together if you already made plans for after yu break up??
  • Mommyto2LilMen
    November 17, 2012 at 10:24 PM

    Agreed

    Quoting Robsessed98:

    Totally agree with Meesh. Pre and post nups make no sense to me. Why be together if you already made plans for after yu break up??


  • LifeCafe42
    November 17, 2012 at 10:44 PM
    I agree too!

    Quoting Robsessed98:

    Totally agree with Meesh. Pre and post nups make no sense to me. Why be together if you already made plans for after yu break up??
  • strngenough
    November 18, 2012 at 12:48 AM
    Because I don't trust him. Because he's never done anything to make me. I'm just afraid that if he walked out later down the road I wouldn't be able to take care of my son. I let my security Clearance lapse when I followed him to fl. That dropped my earning potential by 30k. Also, when we found out I was pregnant I lost my job and he was excited about it. He wants me to be a sahm. In fl I'd get 2k/m in childsupport. That is more than enough to cover daycare and everything needed, but in nc with the same figures it came out to close to $500/m. I just don't want my kid to hurt and grow up poor like I did, because I gave the dad another chance. We've done couples counciling, he's been doing counciling alone, he had to go to classes for men who are abusive. He is doing better so far, but I've seen the cycle up and down. Id be moving in July. Do I just give him a time limit? How do you give someone another chance and still make sure your ok? If it was just me that's fine. I'd chalk this up to bad luck/decision and go rebuild my life. I'd leave without a penny and a couple pieces of furniture, but he isn't involved with his other kids, so I don't trust him to follow through with this.

    Yes, should have never dated him, should have never married him, should have stayed on bc. I get this is my fault.
  • strngenough
    November 18, 2012 at 1:02 AM
    I just want to have a chance at my family working out without letting him burn us.
  • sid1083
    by sid1083
    November 18, 2012 at 2:21 AM
    Valid pre- & post-nuptials are expensive and require each party to have their own lawyer. Unless the dude is completely clueless and his lawyer is not vocal about what is in HIS best interest, I wouldn't bank on it providing you with any additional you may/may not get under the course of a regular divorce without the document. It is typically used to protect assets...but it sure won't make him be an involved dad. As far as the loss of your job & clearance, the best you could do is plead your case when asking for alimony.
  • SoNLove1982
    November 18, 2012 at 9:35 AM
    Do what is best for your son! Military men have a habit of putting down and picking back up when it's convenient. Most don't know how to be faithful during deployment. I say if he isn't acting right 90 days,before moving, divorce him. He's probably got something new going on, and looking out for his best interests, not yours. I am speaking from experience with my childs father. Granted, not all military men are this way, but I had the not so pleasure of meeting dozens of married military men in Korea, who felt and acted single while deployed. My daughter is the result of an engaged man falling in love while deployed. He snapped back into reality as soon as his feet touched American soil, got married, and denied me and my daughter. Needless to say, I had no clue! Paternity test complete, and moving on with my new love, my daughter. Said All this to say, protect your son at all costs!
  • strngenough
    November 18, 2012 at 12:01 PM
    Yeah when I met him he said he was divorced no kids. Then he said he was seperated four kids. I find out this year he was actually married four kids. We met in Iraq. Military guys think they can do whatever no consequences. Thank you for understanding.


    Quoting SoNLove1982:

    Do what is best for your son! Military men have a habit of putting down and picking back up when it's convenient. Most don't know how to be faithful during deployment. I say if he isn't acting right 90 days,before moving, divorce him. He's probably got something new going on, and looking out for his best interests, not yours. I am speaking from experience with my childs father. Granted, not all military men are this way, but I had the not so pleasure of meeting dozens of married military men in Korea, who felt and acted single while deployed. My daughter is the result of an engaged man falling in love while deployed. He snapped back into reality as soon as his feet touched American soil, got married, and denied me and my daughter. Needless to say, I had no clue! Paternity test complete, and moving on with my new love, my daughter. Said All this to say, protect your son at all costs!

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